Re: ON THE AIR with Kimber - a Blowgirls serial
If you feel I don't mention user responses enough it's certainly not for a lack of comments. There were plenty, but as I've said before, usually not too story-relevant. As expected there were ones about Agent Kimber being 'licensed to thrill' and quite a few asking why we hadn't said more about their favorite Bond stuff.
The requests kept pouring in and while a few were reasonable and occasionally useable, others were outright baffling. If they thought the show was a suitable venue for a balloon strip they were barking up the wrong tree. They should have come to The Stone while the getting was good to see that, even if it had been Carrie's domain. Not that Kim hadn't tried it during rehearsals, though. It was a pleasant memory and she actually gave the rest of the household a repeat performance after being reminded by the request. Partly to show she could if she wanted to - and partly as a prelude to even more lurid acts.
The birthday greeting opened up another floodgate of suggestions to put all the members' usernames on freshly inflated balloons - or at the very least the sender's.
"What's up with that?" Kriss wondered. "People usually ask me to write my name."
Alex shrugged. "Guess it feels like being made part of the show. We used to do it alla time on cam."
Kim agreed. "That, probably. I've no problem with it but there's a time and place."
Speaking of signatures, she had sold a few autographed photos - but more surprisingly, so had I. I'd been so dazed by the concept I'd ruined the first by writing 'Jackie Toff' across the glossy surface before remembering I wasn't going by that anymore. And in addition to smaller bags, two full hundred-packs of loons had been sent out along with some free samples. There might be a chance we'd get rid of them all before the latex passed the sell-by date.
I actually don't hate it when Kriss is right. I kinda love it even if it can be exasperating. The DVD's proved to be one of her brighter ideas, since we got nothing but absolutely rave - or raving, take your pick - reviews of the commentaries. Then again, the few buyers were probably loyal enough to have praised any extras.
And there I go again, putting down people I really appreciate just to burst Krissie's bubble a bit. Sorry about that, fellas - your feedback did make me choke up a bit. In the best way. There'll be an even better Volume 2, I promise.
While Kriss and Lex usually stay away from the writing process, they proved pretty creative in making up 'Bond girl' names for themselves just so they could demand an audition with Kim under the same circumstances I'd ended up in. While Agent Blonde had proved really capable and insisted on inflating the B.B. Puffitude ('Blow Boat', see previous publications) without assistance, I played a more proactive role in providing the usual hero's reward. As in taking command of the entire situation.
"You'd make a lousy Bond", I told her afterwards. "For a start he'd never say 'I love you' that much."
"He would if he'd gotten that..."
“And he wouldn’t even have tried mouth-inflation. He would’ve had some nifty pump hidden up a sleeve. Or if he had, he would’ve wound up so winded he couldn’t perform”, I added.
Kim chuckled. “Lightweight.”
Be that as it may, she later was joined aboard by in turn ‘Goldie Horne’ and ‘Belle Brassica’. You might see why I get stuck at the keyboard. And I'd promised Kim a run-down of the entire fantasy genre which, I must confess, isn't really my forte. Things didn't improve by Kim getting a kick out of roleplaying a secret agent and decided she'd be an elf this time. And not the Santa's helper kind, but going full-on Galadriel. Or something like that. The outfit would have to be rented, that much was clear, or we'd blow far too much cash on a single appearance.
Kriss had anticipated the episode nearly as much because she felt it meant she could write a flute piece to accompany the preparation video for ambience. But here's the thing - of all the instruments she knows how to play, the flute is definitely not her specialty. Sure, she can do brief passages when needed, but a virtuoso she ain't. Which became painfully clear once it was time to record it. Poor Kriss was heartbroken after all the work she'd put in composing the thing and there was only one thing to do - call Connecticut for assistance once more. Jo's more than competent and was happy to help out, especially after what we'd given her beloved.
"Samy's over the moon”, she reported. “Would have needed a crowbar to get her away from the screen the first night."
"Hope it didn't spoil anything."
"On the contrary. She was still beaming once she came to bed."
So we sent the sheet music over and got a usable version in return. While her recording equipment was way below what Kriss had the results weren't bad and being in the background would make the sound quality irrelevant.
Kim had decided to consult experts too and let the costumers handle her makeup. Which meant she returned wearing not only a dazzling wintergreen gown with plenty of silver accessories - both needlework and jewelry with inlaid fake diamonds - but lovely pointy ears that didn't look ridiculous in the least and makeup that fairly shone with faint traces of glitter. The cheeks were shaded to accentuate her cheekbones and her beautiful blue eyes were framed by lashes exaggerated just enough to emphasize the otherworldly appearance. The final touch was a circlet around her brow, vanishing at the sides under masses of hair - obviously not just decorative but holding the tiny flowers peeking out of her 'do as well. I had no idea what they'd done to make her tresses so airy and lustrous, but the result was remarkable. She was stunning, if you're into that sort of thing, and I suddenly realized I was. At least for the moment. The only downside being it was pretty evidently a look-but-don't-touch affair.
After all the admiration she could handle from her mates - Lexi even whimpering at the first glance - we got ready for filming. We'd decided to do it outside because the main prop wouldn't fit in the studio and besides, a backdrop of greenery would be just the thing. But first there was an impromptu photo session, because that look had to be preserved. Kriss even told her to blow up a green promo balloon to pose with in case we wanted glossies and after that was done she changed her mind to yellow for better contrast. Oh, and an orange one while she was at it? Plus a magenta for good measure.
Despite the ten-plus minutes spent on that it wasn't a waste - I was sure the members would like the behind-the-scenes reel. But they'd probably be even more awed by the preparation of our most massive prop yet. We'd placed a sort-of-oriental rug on the grass to protect the dress and Kim sat down on it. She'd be standing for the main presentation, but what she was about to do didn't quite lend itself to that. After setting up the rest of the equipment the fun could begin.
"One of the most popular concepts of magic is the ability to control the elements. Making rain or part rivers, ordering the earth to shake or shoot fire from your fingertips."
Kimber wiggled her hands in front of her.
"I can't do any of that, but I have some command over air. I'm going to use it to summon my familiar - watch."
If you expected some tiny inflatable or mylar you'd be dead wrong, but I hoped someone would just for the surprise. Blowser was all set with a larger-than-usual adapter already placed in her main valve and Kim gracefully pulled the deflated form into view. Without hesitation and wearing a gentle smile she brought the tube to her lips and blew in a long, full breath. It was immediately followed by another, and from that point Kim seem to be fully absorbed by the undertaking. After all, doing magic requires concentration.
I'd been worried she'd overdo it and break the illusion of dignity - this would take some time so going slow wasn't an option - and while usually looking cool, sexy or funny the red face and crossed eyes might be a little out of place in this setting. But Kim must have thought the same, as she toed the line of overexertion without crossing it. How she managed to appear so serene while blowing so hard is a mystery for the ages - even with fully inflated cheeks she somehow kept the regal, elfin appearance. Now and then she opened her eyes to check how she was getting along, though it felt like a natural part of the spell.
I saw Lexi silently slinking away after biting her lips a long while and felt a bit like joining her. It was difficult to not gasp at the sight and ruin the soundtrack. Kriss, however, was taking it in with professional approval and a lecherous grin. I decided to try that approach, which might have the added benefit of motivating Kim.
Maybe it had nothing to do with us, but I thought the elven queen now seemed even happier about blowing up her dragon. Or it could be she was halfway done and saw the end was within reach. Either way she was clearly enjoying herself while the wrinkly green vinyl unfolded and puffed up with ever-increasing amounts of her breath. Her face kept inflating with every exhale and reflected the sunlight in gleaming round spots that made the expansion seem even greater. She'd been prescient enough to angle Blowser in a way that wouldn't obstruct her even as the dragon grew full and its impressive size almost defied belief. There was something unreal about the contrast between the gaudy plastic and the near-ethereal lady bringing it to shape and life with air straight from her mouth. Kim had blown it up from almost nothing without pausing and now it towered majestically above her, although not high enough to go out of frame. Two slightly curved horns swept backwards from the smiling head, looking almost sharp despite being made from inflated PVC. The crouched legs grew taut along with the rest of the body and spiky tail, and once the creature was firm and steady on the ground Kim capped the valve and pushed it in. The dragon’s floppy wing extending from elbow to shoulder received a few powerful puffs from its mistress and then Kimber spun the creature around to repeat the process on the other side. She looked very pleased with her work.
"Whew! I'll admit it takes some effort, but so much better than a bat or something, don't you think?"
She rose and put her arms around Blowser's neck, embracing it while grinning at the camera. That would be a good for a fadeout, so I went to hug her myself.
"Incredible. That belongs in the realm of fantasy for sure."
"Hope so. Any idea for the subscribers? The sax is out."
Kriss came up for a hug too and held up a bag. "I brought an assortment."
While there were quite a few types of loons none really felt right. Kim made a half-hearted attempt at blowing up a bulging green zeppelin for the camera but realized she couldn't think of anything to say and blew it to burst on general principle. Good extra, bad script.
By now Lexi had returned and while she was itching to touch a hug had to do for her too. She did have the bright idea of contacting an expert, so I called Mandy.
"This isn't gonna sound odder than many things we've done, but is there something in the way of loons a fantasy elf could plausibly blow up?"
She didn't even need five seconds. "A crystal ball!"
We spoke a little more while at it, but there'd be no better alternative. Only problem – our loons weren't crystal clear. Or spherical.
So it was off to the decorators while Kim had a well-earned rest along with some snacks Lex had prepared. Mine would have to wait while I picked up a few eight-inch bubble balloons. That was the starting size though and I realized I'd never seen how big they could get. Hopefully not huge - they weren't latex, after all.
Back in front of the cam Kim made a spiel about wanting to look into the future and needing the right tool. She produced the pre-stretched and strawed balloon from god knows where and inhaled deeply. The transparent material filled up and swelled out as she blew into it, some condensation forming on the inner wall but not enough to ruin the impression. It was far better than the milky rubber version.
The globe reached the intended size and Kim gazed at it.
"Can't really make anything out... Maybe if it was bigger?"
She resumed blowing through the thin tube and the ball expanded quite a bit, approaching sixteen inches across and maybe a little more. It still wasn't enough for any prescient visions, so the would-be scryer decided to go for broke and began inflating it with more force than strictly necessary.
It broke all right, but not before reaching what I imagined must have been at least twenty-five inches. Kim kept staring at it throughout, as if hoping to make something of the contents. But it was all a lot of hot air and before she'd reached any conclusions it had popped, contracted and dropped to the ground in a fraction of a second. She looked up at the viewers.
"Seems like the future will hold an explosion!"
That was more than likely, but the size the balloon had grown to was unexpected. Kriss demanded to blow up one of the spares to see what it was like and since we had no immediate use for them I let her. She inflated it at least as big and after it burst she remarked how different it had felt to the touch.
"Could be good for riding", she noted.
Alex looked thoughtful. "Would be cool if there were beachballs made from that. Talk about space-saving."
The idea had merit, even if might not prove practical. Anyway, it was about time to get started on the main show if we wanted to be done by dinner, or even before sundown.
Kim scanned through the script one last time and this time - with no cue cards or papers in front of her - she slipped up a couple of times and had to correct herself at my signals. We did keep it in since there was no irrecoverable damage to the flow. I'm just gonna break it down real quick because writing it once was tiresome enough.
With the rug removed, the presenter stood next to the huge inflatable whose tail stretched somewhat upwards towards the decorative trees by the garden wall. Kim was positioned so she could lean against Blowser’s neck for support or effect, if she wanted to. But that’s just a stage description. What she said went something like this:
“Fantasy is a genre dealing with the, well, fantastic – the supernatural, magic or unreal. Most of the ancient mythological stories can be said to belong to it, and romances and fairy tales from the middle ages and onwards also qualify, but I thought we’d look at stuff that’s not usually sorted under those headings. The two main things separating modern fantasy from those is that it’s admitted fiction and has a named author.”
She mentioned that the older versions usually took place in our world, even if it was “long ago and far away”, while newer works often but not always are set in a fictional place with its own rules, history and geography. Some of the first examples were written in the fairy tale style, like ‘The Nutcracker’ by E.T.A. Hoffman and basically everything by H.C. Andersen. Scotsman George MacDonald is generally thought to have written the first fantasy novel for adults, ‘Phantastes’. But the fantastic elements were more accepted in books nominally for children – hence Carroll’s ‘Alice in Wonderland’, Barrie’s ‘Peter Pan’ and L. Frank Baum’s ‘Oz’ books. Lord Dunsany accentuated his tales with an elaborate, flowery style which many have tried aping with disastrous results. Good for parodies, though.
Kim worked through the gist of all that, except with more and simpler words.
“In the early 20th century magazines - especially pulps – proved a great way for fantasy authors to sell their stuff. The first and most famous was ‘Weird Tales’ where writers like H.P. Lovecraft – more known for horror stories – and Robert E. Howard proved popular. The latter thought up Conan the Barbarian, one of the most copied characters in fantasy. Another magazine mainstay was Fritz Leiber, who coined the phrase ‘Swords and Sorcery’ to describe his work.”
Well, his content might be more appropriate but I was impressed she’d gotten the rest about right.
“The big name is of course J.R.R. Tolkien, who wrote ‘The Hobbit’ and ‘The Lord of the Rings’ while creating an incredibly detailed setting for them. His definitions of elves and dwarves have become a standard in the genre, and he also introduced hideous creatures called orcs.”
She went on to say that Tolkien was friends with C.S. Lewis who wrote the ‘Narnia’ books and that the first major female fantasy writer was Ursula K. Leguin. Kim managed to remember saying that Michael Moorcock popularized the concept of Law against Chaos in his ‘Elric’ books, which many other writers would allude to or outright borrow. I suspect she mainly did because of the author’s name.
“The first fantasy book on the New York Times bestseller list was ‘The Sword of Shanandra’ – sorry, Shannara – by Terry Brooks. I think it came out in 1977. Since then others have frequently made it, but it’s pretty recent, don’t you think?”
Some name dropping followed and I just knew people would react to her forgetting Donaldson, but so, so many others were left out on purpose we’d hear about it anyway.
“J.K. Rowling’s ‘Harry Potter’ series proved incredibly popular, though she claims she wasn’t aware she was writing fantasy. That just makes her look dumb, right?”
Kim rounded off by saying it’s still a popular genre and many more names will probably be added in the future, then went on to a different medium.
“Fantasy has always been difficult to transform into moving pictures, because of all the special effects needed. Disney adapted a couple of fantasy books – ‘The Sword in the Stone’ by White and ‘The Black Cauldron’ by Alexander, but that was of course animation. CGI changed all that and the ‘Lord of the Rings’ movies proved once and for all it can be done well by now. Even for TV – you may have heard of a little show called ‘Game of Thrones’. It’s based on the books of George R.R. Martin.”
And for once, yet another medium.
“Also, roleplaying games are often set in fantasy worlds, both tabletop ones like ‘Dungeons and Dragons’ or computer versions. They let the players bring their own fantasies to life, which wouldn’t be quite as interesting in a mundane setting. Books make you use your imagination to picture what happens, but games encourage you to help deciding it too. Whatever your interest, chances are you’ll cross paths with fantasy at some point.”
Then only the disclaimer remained.
“I know I’ve left out so much! But give a girl a break” – here she leaned against the dragon, probably to get some mileage out of all that blowing – “there’s only so much I can remember! Why don’t you do me a favor and put the important stuff in the comments? That way everyone can learn – including me.”
By now you know how the episodes always end - but this time, after blowing the kiss, she re-leaned against Blowser, who slid away and made Kim topple over. It was a magnificent fall and my heart caught in my throat anticipating the effects on the dress. It was just dumb luck she has a dancer’s reflexes and managed to land hands first. It was still neither elegant, dignified nor graceful. Alex ran to help her up and I gave her a choice right away.
“Not bad - except for the end. Retake or freeze frame?”
I don’t think you need much imagination to guess the answer.
Having checked we had everything we needed no time was wasted in relieving Kim of her gown. But there was no time to remove either the jewelry or the ears as we were all very much set on the same thing. Without delay she was brought to bed and even after we’d all finished making love to her it didn’t seem enough either for us or for Kim. So we fucked her good and hard, her makeup and finery adding more than a little excitement. But she still wasn’t satisfied, and to tell the truth neither was I after all the tension and buildup throughout the day.
“I wanna hump Blowser too…” the now-disheveled elf half moaned.
Out of the question on the lawn of course, but fortunately we have double patio doors and could drag the dragon inside. Kimmy immediately dropped to her knees and started to blow in even more air, working in a frenzy to finish as soon as she could. Testing the firmness with her fingers she added a few final breaths before jumping up to straddle the improvised sex toy. The thrusting and grinding began at once and the vinyl hide bulged and contorted ever so slightly in response. Kim had blown it as stiff as she dared but it looked so sturdy I had no fear even as Lexi climbed on behind her. Wrapping her arms around her lover she fondled and pinched her breasts while both groaned and gasped with delight at the bouncy ride.
Kriss slipped from my arms and put one leg over Blowser’s tail, crouching as she tried to put the smallest spike inside herself. She only managed to pin the appendage beneath her ass but apparently it did something as she beckoned me over to try the adjacent one. I sat down as gently as I could and immediately felt a jolt of pleasure from the pointy but soft part pressing against my privates. Leaning forward to embrace Kriss the sensation only grew, enhanced by her lips and tongue against mine. Rubbing against the inflated plastic was amazing and even better by knowing it was filled with my beloved Kimmy-coo’s breath. I could hear her yelps and whines behind me along with Lexi’s, while any sounds from Kriss were muffled by my mouth. Her touch more than compensated and soon I was so dizzy with arousal I stopped noticing even the creaks and squeaks of the air-filled critter we were riding. Lights flashed across the inside of my eyelids and when the shrill noise of Kim coming cut through everything I knew I had to catch up, catch up real soon. Kriss was already getting tense and I wanted to beat her to the punch, not out of envy but sheer, eager lust.
Pushing down with all my might I didn’t give a damn if Blowser popped – I’d do a patch ’n puff all by myself if I could only get off right this instant. I felt Kriss speeding up as well and for a hot second thought all four of us jumping together would stand a fair chance of making it a literal bang, and then all reason was swept away in a torrent of ecstasy. I tossed my head back to scream and heard both Kriss and Lex join in before everything became calm as we came to a rest on the still intact inflatable.
With the urgency gone, the tail spike was no longer as comfortable and I rose without reluctance. Kim slid off her seat too and planted a big kiss on Blowser’s snout.
“I think this one’s the best of the bunch.”
“Better fuck’em all to make sure”, Kriss suggested.
“No”, Kim said. “I draw the line at humping a hot dog.”
It had been a wonderful afternoon and evening. Now there was just the small matter of the oversized pool toy in the living room. I looked the scene over.
“Don’t know about you but I think she’ll like it better in the fun-geon.”
“Definitely”, Kim said and leaned down to pull the plug as if it had been no work at all filling it up. “Fun-geons and Dragons!”
“I’ll blow her up next time”, Alex promised. “Wanna play princess too.”
I don’t think any fairy tale has ever mentioned princesses doing that, but maybe it’s high time they did.
Episode 30
If you feel I don't mention user responses enough it's certainly not for a lack of comments. There were plenty, but as I've said before, usually not too story-relevant. As expected there were ones about Agent Kimber being 'licensed to thrill' and quite a few asking why we hadn't said more about their favorite Bond stuff.
The requests kept pouring in and while a few were reasonable and occasionally useable, others were outright baffling. If they thought the show was a suitable venue for a balloon strip they were barking up the wrong tree. They should have come to The Stone while the getting was good to see that, even if it had been Carrie's domain. Not that Kim hadn't tried it during rehearsals, though. It was a pleasant memory and she actually gave the rest of the household a repeat performance after being reminded by the request. Partly to show she could if she wanted to - and partly as a prelude to even more lurid acts.
The birthday greeting opened up another floodgate of suggestions to put all the members' usernames on freshly inflated balloons - or at the very least the sender's.
"What's up with that?" Kriss wondered. "People usually ask me to write my name."
Alex shrugged. "Guess it feels like being made part of the show. We used to do it alla time on cam."
Kim agreed. "That, probably. I've no problem with it but there's a time and place."
Speaking of signatures, she had sold a few autographed photos - but more surprisingly, so had I. I'd been so dazed by the concept I'd ruined the first by writing 'Jackie Toff' across the glossy surface before remembering I wasn't going by that anymore. And in addition to smaller bags, two full hundred-packs of loons had been sent out along with some free samples. There might be a chance we'd get rid of them all before the latex passed the sell-by date.
I actually don't hate it when Kriss is right. I kinda love it even if it can be exasperating. The DVD's proved to be one of her brighter ideas, since we got nothing but absolutely rave - or raving, take your pick - reviews of the commentaries. Then again, the few buyers were probably loyal enough to have praised any extras.
And there I go again, putting down people I really appreciate just to burst Krissie's bubble a bit. Sorry about that, fellas - your feedback did make me choke up a bit. In the best way. There'll be an even better Volume 2, I promise.
While Kriss and Lex usually stay away from the writing process, they proved pretty creative in making up 'Bond girl' names for themselves just so they could demand an audition with Kim under the same circumstances I'd ended up in. While Agent Blonde had proved really capable and insisted on inflating the B.B. Puffitude ('Blow Boat', see previous publications) without assistance, I played a more proactive role in providing the usual hero's reward. As in taking command of the entire situation.
"You'd make a lousy Bond", I told her afterwards. "For a start he'd never say 'I love you' that much."
"He would if he'd gotten that..."
“And he wouldn’t even have tried mouth-inflation. He would’ve had some nifty pump hidden up a sleeve. Or if he had, he would’ve wound up so winded he couldn’t perform”, I added.
Kim chuckled. “Lightweight.”
Be that as it may, she later was joined aboard by in turn ‘Goldie Horne’ and ‘Belle Brassica’. You might see why I get stuck at the keyboard. And I'd promised Kim a run-down of the entire fantasy genre which, I must confess, isn't really my forte. Things didn't improve by Kim getting a kick out of roleplaying a secret agent and decided she'd be an elf this time. And not the Santa's helper kind, but going full-on Galadriel. Or something like that. The outfit would have to be rented, that much was clear, or we'd blow far too much cash on a single appearance.
Kriss had anticipated the episode nearly as much because she felt it meant she could write a flute piece to accompany the preparation video for ambience. But here's the thing - of all the instruments she knows how to play, the flute is definitely not her specialty. Sure, she can do brief passages when needed, but a virtuoso she ain't. Which became painfully clear once it was time to record it. Poor Kriss was heartbroken after all the work she'd put in composing the thing and there was only one thing to do - call Connecticut for assistance once more. Jo's more than competent and was happy to help out, especially after what we'd given her beloved.
"Samy's over the moon”, she reported. “Would have needed a crowbar to get her away from the screen the first night."
"Hope it didn't spoil anything."
"On the contrary. She was still beaming once she came to bed."
So we sent the sheet music over and got a usable version in return. While her recording equipment was way below what Kriss had the results weren't bad and being in the background would make the sound quality irrelevant.
Kim had decided to consult experts too and let the costumers handle her makeup. Which meant she returned wearing not only a dazzling wintergreen gown with plenty of silver accessories - both needlework and jewelry with inlaid fake diamonds - but lovely pointy ears that didn't look ridiculous in the least and makeup that fairly shone with faint traces of glitter. The cheeks were shaded to accentuate her cheekbones and her beautiful blue eyes were framed by lashes exaggerated just enough to emphasize the otherworldly appearance. The final touch was a circlet around her brow, vanishing at the sides under masses of hair - obviously not just decorative but holding the tiny flowers peeking out of her 'do as well. I had no idea what they'd done to make her tresses so airy and lustrous, but the result was remarkable. She was stunning, if you're into that sort of thing, and I suddenly realized I was. At least for the moment. The only downside being it was pretty evidently a look-but-don't-touch affair.
After all the admiration she could handle from her mates - Lexi even whimpering at the first glance - we got ready for filming. We'd decided to do it outside because the main prop wouldn't fit in the studio and besides, a backdrop of greenery would be just the thing. But first there was an impromptu photo session, because that look had to be preserved. Kriss even told her to blow up a green promo balloon to pose with in case we wanted glossies and after that was done she changed her mind to yellow for better contrast. Oh, and an orange one while she was at it? Plus a magenta for good measure.
Despite the ten-plus minutes spent on that it wasn't a waste - I was sure the members would like the behind-the-scenes reel. But they'd probably be even more awed by the preparation of our most massive prop yet. We'd placed a sort-of-oriental rug on the grass to protect the dress and Kim sat down on it. She'd be standing for the main presentation, but what she was about to do didn't quite lend itself to that. After setting up the rest of the equipment the fun could begin.
"One of the most popular concepts of magic is the ability to control the elements. Making rain or part rivers, ordering the earth to shake or shoot fire from your fingertips."
Kimber wiggled her hands in front of her.
"I can't do any of that, but I have some command over air. I'm going to use it to summon my familiar - watch."
If you expected some tiny inflatable or mylar you'd be dead wrong, but I hoped someone would just for the surprise. Blowser was all set with a larger-than-usual adapter already placed in her main valve and Kim gracefully pulled the deflated form into view. Without hesitation and wearing a gentle smile she brought the tube to her lips and blew in a long, full breath. It was immediately followed by another, and from that point Kim seem to be fully absorbed by the undertaking. After all, doing magic requires concentration.
I'd been worried she'd overdo it and break the illusion of dignity - this would take some time so going slow wasn't an option - and while usually looking cool, sexy or funny the red face and crossed eyes might be a little out of place in this setting. But Kim must have thought the same, as she toed the line of overexertion without crossing it. How she managed to appear so serene while blowing so hard is a mystery for the ages - even with fully inflated cheeks she somehow kept the regal, elfin appearance. Now and then she opened her eyes to check how she was getting along, though it felt like a natural part of the spell.
I saw Lexi silently slinking away after biting her lips a long while and felt a bit like joining her. It was difficult to not gasp at the sight and ruin the soundtrack. Kriss, however, was taking it in with professional approval and a lecherous grin. I decided to try that approach, which might have the added benefit of motivating Kim.
Maybe it had nothing to do with us, but I thought the elven queen now seemed even happier about blowing up her dragon. Or it could be she was halfway done and saw the end was within reach. Either way she was clearly enjoying herself while the wrinkly green vinyl unfolded and puffed up with ever-increasing amounts of her breath. Her face kept inflating with every exhale and reflected the sunlight in gleaming round spots that made the expansion seem even greater. She'd been prescient enough to angle Blowser in a way that wouldn't obstruct her even as the dragon grew full and its impressive size almost defied belief. There was something unreal about the contrast between the gaudy plastic and the near-ethereal lady bringing it to shape and life with air straight from her mouth. Kim had blown it up from almost nothing without pausing and now it towered majestically above her, although not high enough to go out of frame. Two slightly curved horns swept backwards from the smiling head, looking almost sharp despite being made from inflated PVC. The crouched legs grew taut along with the rest of the body and spiky tail, and once the creature was firm and steady on the ground Kim capped the valve and pushed it in. The dragon’s floppy wing extending from elbow to shoulder received a few powerful puffs from its mistress and then Kimber spun the creature around to repeat the process on the other side. She looked very pleased with her work.
"Whew! I'll admit it takes some effort, but so much better than a bat or something, don't you think?"
She rose and put her arms around Blowser's neck, embracing it while grinning at the camera. That would be a good for a fadeout, so I went to hug her myself.
"Incredible. That belongs in the realm of fantasy for sure."
"Hope so. Any idea for the subscribers? The sax is out."
Kriss came up for a hug too and held up a bag. "I brought an assortment."
While there were quite a few types of loons none really felt right. Kim made a half-hearted attempt at blowing up a bulging green zeppelin for the camera but realized she couldn't think of anything to say and blew it to burst on general principle. Good extra, bad script.
By now Lexi had returned and while she was itching to touch a hug had to do for her too. She did have the bright idea of contacting an expert, so I called Mandy.
"This isn't gonna sound odder than many things we've done, but is there something in the way of loons a fantasy elf could plausibly blow up?"
She didn't even need five seconds. "A crystal ball!"
We spoke a little more while at it, but there'd be no better alternative. Only problem – our loons weren't crystal clear. Or spherical.
So it was off to the decorators while Kim had a well-earned rest along with some snacks Lex had prepared. Mine would have to wait while I picked up a few eight-inch bubble balloons. That was the starting size though and I realized I'd never seen how big they could get. Hopefully not huge - they weren't latex, after all.
Back in front of the cam Kim made a spiel about wanting to look into the future and needing the right tool. She produced the pre-stretched and strawed balloon from god knows where and inhaled deeply. The transparent material filled up and swelled out as she blew into it, some condensation forming on the inner wall but not enough to ruin the impression. It was far better than the milky rubber version.
The globe reached the intended size and Kim gazed at it.
"Can't really make anything out... Maybe if it was bigger?"
She resumed blowing through the thin tube and the ball expanded quite a bit, approaching sixteen inches across and maybe a little more. It still wasn't enough for any prescient visions, so the would-be scryer decided to go for broke and began inflating it with more force than strictly necessary.
It broke all right, but not before reaching what I imagined must have been at least twenty-five inches. Kim kept staring at it throughout, as if hoping to make something of the contents. But it was all a lot of hot air and before she'd reached any conclusions it had popped, contracted and dropped to the ground in a fraction of a second. She looked up at the viewers.
"Seems like the future will hold an explosion!"
That was more than likely, but the size the balloon had grown to was unexpected. Kriss demanded to blow up one of the spares to see what it was like and since we had no immediate use for them I let her. She inflated it at least as big and after it burst she remarked how different it had felt to the touch.
"Could be good for riding", she noted.
Alex looked thoughtful. "Would be cool if there were beachballs made from that. Talk about space-saving."
The idea had merit, even if might not prove practical. Anyway, it was about time to get started on the main show if we wanted to be done by dinner, or even before sundown.
Kim scanned through the script one last time and this time - with no cue cards or papers in front of her - she slipped up a couple of times and had to correct herself at my signals. We did keep it in since there was no irrecoverable damage to the flow. I'm just gonna break it down real quick because writing it once was tiresome enough.
With the rug removed, the presenter stood next to the huge inflatable whose tail stretched somewhat upwards towards the decorative trees by the garden wall. Kim was positioned so she could lean against Blowser’s neck for support or effect, if she wanted to. But that’s just a stage description. What she said went something like this:
“Fantasy is a genre dealing with the, well, fantastic – the supernatural, magic or unreal. Most of the ancient mythological stories can be said to belong to it, and romances and fairy tales from the middle ages and onwards also qualify, but I thought we’d look at stuff that’s not usually sorted under those headings. The two main things separating modern fantasy from those is that it’s admitted fiction and has a named author.”
She mentioned that the older versions usually took place in our world, even if it was “long ago and far away”, while newer works often but not always are set in a fictional place with its own rules, history and geography. Some of the first examples were written in the fairy tale style, like ‘The Nutcracker’ by E.T.A. Hoffman and basically everything by H.C. Andersen. Scotsman George MacDonald is generally thought to have written the first fantasy novel for adults, ‘Phantastes’. But the fantastic elements were more accepted in books nominally for children – hence Carroll’s ‘Alice in Wonderland’, Barrie’s ‘Peter Pan’ and L. Frank Baum’s ‘Oz’ books. Lord Dunsany accentuated his tales with an elaborate, flowery style which many have tried aping with disastrous results. Good for parodies, though.
Kim worked through the gist of all that, except with more and simpler words.
“In the early 20th century magazines - especially pulps – proved a great way for fantasy authors to sell their stuff. The first and most famous was ‘Weird Tales’ where writers like H.P. Lovecraft – more known for horror stories – and Robert E. Howard proved popular. The latter thought up Conan the Barbarian, one of the most copied characters in fantasy. Another magazine mainstay was Fritz Leiber, who coined the phrase ‘Swords and Sorcery’ to describe his work.”
Well, his content might be more appropriate but I was impressed she’d gotten the rest about right.
“The big name is of course J.R.R. Tolkien, who wrote ‘The Hobbit’ and ‘The Lord of the Rings’ while creating an incredibly detailed setting for them. His definitions of elves and dwarves have become a standard in the genre, and he also introduced hideous creatures called orcs.”
She went on to say that Tolkien was friends with C.S. Lewis who wrote the ‘Narnia’ books and that the first major female fantasy writer was Ursula K. Leguin. Kim managed to remember saying that Michael Moorcock popularized the concept of Law against Chaos in his ‘Elric’ books, which many other writers would allude to or outright borrow. I suspect she mainly did because of the author’s name.
“The first fantasy book on the New York Times bestseller list was ‘The Sword of Shanandra’ – sorry, Shannara – by Terry Brooks. I think it came out in 1977. Since then others have frequently made it, but it’s pretty recent, don’t you think?”
Some name dropping followed and I just knew people would react to her forgetting Donaldson, but so, so many others were left out on purpose we’d hear about it anyway.
“J.K. Rowling’s ‘Harry Potter’ series proved incredibly popular, though she claims she wasn’t aware she was writing fantasy. That just makes her look dumb, right?”
Kim rounded off by saying it’s still a popular genre and many more names will probably be added in the future, then went on to a different medium.
“Fantasy has always been difficult to transform into moving pictures, because of all the special effects needed. Disney adapted a couple of fantasy books – ‘The Sword in the Stone’ by White and ‘The Black Cauldron’ by Alexander, but that was of course animation. CGI changed all that and the ‘Lord of the Rings’ movies proved once and for all it can be done well by now. Even for TV – you may have heard of a little show called ‘Game of Thrones’. It’s based on the books of George R.R. Martin.”
And for once, yet another medium.
“Also, roleplaying games are often set in fantasy worlds, both tabletop ones like ‘Dungeons and Dragons’ or computer versions. They let the players bring their own fantasies to life, which wouldn’t be quite as interesting in a mundane setting. Books make you use your imagination to picture what happens, but games encourage you to help deciding it too. Whatever your interest, chances are you’ll cross paths with fantasy at some point.”
Then only the disclaimer remained.
“I know I’ve left out so much! But give a girl a break” – here she leaned against the dragon, probably to get some mileage out of all that blowing – “there’s only so much I can remember! Why don’t you do me a favor and put the important stuff in the comments? That way everyone can learn – including me.”
By now you know how the episodes always end - but this time, after blowing the kiss, she re-leaned against Blowser, who slid away and made Kim topple over. It was a magnificent fall and my heart caught in my throat anticipating the effects on the dress. It was just dumb luck she has a dancer’s reflexes and managed to land hands first. It was still neither elegant, dignified nor graceful. Alex ran to help her up and I gave her a choice right away.
“Not bad - except for the end. Retake or freeze frame?”
I don’t think you need much imagination to guess the answer.
Having checked we had everything we needed no time was wasted in relieving Kim of her gown. But there was no time to remove either the jewelry or the ears as we were all very much set on the same thing. Without delay she was brought to bed and even after we’d all finished making love to her it didn’t seem enough either for us or for Kim. So we fucked her good and hard, her makeup and finery adding more than a little excitement. But she still wasn’t satisfied, and to tell the truth neither was I after all the tension and buildup throughout the day.
“I wanna hump Blowser too…” the now-disheveled elf half moaned.
Out of the question on the lawn of course, but fortunately we have double patio doors and could drag the dragon inside. Kimmy immediately dropped to her knees and started to blow in even more air, working in a frenzy to finish as soon as she could. Testing the firmness with her fingers she added a few final breaths before jumping up to straddle the improvised sex toy. The thrusting and grinding began at once and the vinyl hide bulged and contorted ever so slightly in response. Kim had blown it as stiff as she dared but it looked so sturdy I had no fear even as Lexi climbed on behind her. Wrapping her arms around her lover she fondled and pinched her breasts while both groaned and gasped with delight at the bouncy ride.
Kriss slipped from my arms and put one leg over Blowser’s tail, crouching as she tried to put the smallest spike inside herself. She only managed to pin the appendage beneath her ass but apparently it did something as she beckoned me over to try the adjacent one. I sat down as gently as I could and immediately felt a jolt of pleasure from the pointy but soft part pressing against my privates. Leaning forward to embrace Kriss the sensation only grew, enhanced by her lips and tongue against mine. Rubbing against the inflated plastic was amazing and even better by knowing it was filled with my beloved Kimmy-coo’s breath. I could hear her yelps and whines behind me along with Lexi’s, while any sounds from Kriss were muffled by my mouth. Her touch more than compensated and soon I was so dizzy with arousal I stopped noticing even the creaks and squeaks of the air-filled critter we were riding. Lights flashed across the inside of my eyelids and when the shrill noise of Kim coming cut through everything I knew I had to catch up, catch up real soon. Kriss was already getting tense and I wanted to beat her to the punch, not out of envy but sheer, eager lust.
Pushing down with all my might I didn’t give a damn if Blowser popped – I’d do a patch ’n puff all by myself if I could only get off right this instant. I felt Kriss speeding up as well and for a hot second thought all four of us jumping together would stand a fair chance of making it a literal bang, and then all reason was swept away in a torrent of ecstasy. I tossed my head back to scream and heard both Kriss and Lex join in before everything became calm as we came to a rest on the still intact inflatable.
With the urgency gone, the tail spike was no longer as comfortable and I rose without reluctance. Kim slid off her seat too and planted a big kiss on Blowser’s snout.
“I think this one’s the best of the bunch.”
“Better fuck’em all to make sure”, Kriss suggested.
“No”, Kim said. “I draw the line at humping a hot dog.”
It had been a wonderful afternoon and evening. Now there was just the small matter of the oversized pool toy in the living room. I looked the scene over.
“Don’t know about you but I think she’ll like it better in the fun-geon.”
“Definitely”, Kim said and leaned down to pull the plug as if it had been no work at all filling it up. “Fun-geons and Dragons!”
“I’ll blow her up next time”, Alex promised. “Wanna play princess too.”
I don’t think any fairy tale has ever mentioned princesses doing that, but maybe it’s high time they did.
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