ON THE AIR with Kimber - a Blowgirls serial

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  • Harley
    Senior Member
    • Jan 2016
    • 269

    #31
    Re: ON THE AIR with Kimber - a Blowgirls serial

    Episode 19

    All right, so I may have left off on a slightly more ominous (or promising, depending on point of view) note than intended, but Academy Award night was coming up and considering our usual coverage it would be criminal to not make a show around that. Or go a bit crazy with the decorations, for that matter. I'd always envisioned it as a two-parter, with Kim first discussing the nominees and then talking about the results...with the pretty obvious drawback that we wouldn't know the latter ahead of time. But I found a workaround, as you'll see in a bit.
    Rewriting the script to include a co-host was pleasant enough, especially since I just made general guidelines for them to improvise around. I felt it would give a more genuine impression, and maybe reveal some of their personal preferences. The second part was way harder and took a lot more research, despite being both briefer and sillier.
    First things first though. As we wanted a really impressive set piece, we somehow managed to fasten two lengths of plastic pipes running from floor to ceiling in front of the darker backdrop. Then the 'fun' began. We dressed as some kind of stagehands, in simple but functional clothes - Lex opting to go wigless with her shortish natural hair on display over a tank top and cargo pants while Kim tied her tresses back with a headband after putting on a loose V-neck and casual fit jeans. I myself pulled my hair into a ponytail and chose a black tee with matching slacks to go along. Kriss, who'd be in charge of the operation, wore off-white chinos and a short-sleeved workshirt topped with a vest sporting plenty of pockets and a dark baseball cap on her head.
    We aimed the camera at the general area and got down to work. My wife took command right away.
    "All right, crew - we've got a lot to do and not much time. Let's get blowing!"
    She handed us big handfuls of balloons pulled from her seemingly bottomless pockets. They were eleven-inchers in rose-gold chrome, but after blowing them full we had to let out enough air to fit them through a nine-inch hole in a piece of stiff cardboard while squeezing them rounder. Luckily we each had one of those or the whole thing would have taken a lot longer than it already did.
    After inflating two we tied them together and put them aside until another pair was finished and could be twisted onto the first. The sounds of whooshing and puffing filled the room as our breath filled up loon after loon, mixed with the squeaking of the latex globes rubbing against each other. Very occasionally a sudden pop provided some variety in the soundtrack.
    Kriss of course didn't just supervise but took eager part in the balloon blowing and twisting. She was the one causing the most pops, making her calls of "Careful!" whenever someone else happened to burst one ring kinda hollow.
    I had long since lost count of how many I'd blown up - only that I'd refilled my supply twice - when our acting project leader said it was time to try assembling a column. So starting from the bottom, she pushed the middle of a balloon cluster against the left pipe and wrapped two of the knots around each other to hold the set in place. There were a few appreciative sounds from her crew, which grew outright enthusiastic when the second group of loons snapped in place just above and rotated forty-five degrees to the side. It looked really professional.

    It was nice to have a break from all that puffing while the column grew higher and higher. To the surprise of no one Kriss got careless in her haste to be done and accidentally popped a couple of balloons along the way. To her credit, she owned those mistakes and quickly inflated replacements all by herself. A small stepladder let her reach the top and I handed her the loony foursomes until I realized we'd run out.
    "Well, don't just stand there", Kriss said, digging into her pocket. "Blow me some more."
    She dropped a bunch of uninflated chromes towards my cupped hands, though as you can imagine not all them landed inside them. Lex and Kim picked up the strays for immediate inflation while I started on the ones I'd actually caught. Soon enough the next layer was in place but the perfectionist upstairs still wasn't satisfied.
    "There's room for one more", she announced. "Come on, blow, blow!"
    I shook my head. "It'll be out of frame anyway".
    "No use leaving it half done", Kriss stated, and it was clear she'd make them herself if we didn't. Since I didn't want to see her topple off mid-twist I sighed, inhaled and began to blow up what I hoped would be the final balloon.
    I half expected that last set to pop from being wedged against the ceiling, but the underinflation must have made them more resistant. Kriss climbed down and gave the blown-up pillar an appreciative nod.
    "One down, one to go!"
    I had managed to push that to the back of my mind and my heart sank at the thought of having do just as many balloons all over again. In defense of Kriss she had counted how many clusters it took, so there was that.
    As we blew up the second collection I decided the members would get this part at double speed. Or maybe both of them. It was going to be a pretty long video anyway, but then I remembered the ones who had specified loving to hear the sounds of balloons being inflated and expressed disappointment in Kim's shortening of the balloon room setup. So one at regular speed, one much faster sounded about right - at least to me. I could always slow it down for any pops.
    To my amazement there weren't any this time around, and the whole process seemed much quicker overall. Guess we'd hit some kind of flow. And from the way the room looked when we were done, all that work hadn't been in vain. It looked nicer than anything we'd attempted before.
    "Wow", Kriss said. "Good job. That was the hard part. Now we just have to spruce the desk up a bit."
    Well, maybe not the actual desk, but what was behind it. For that side of the room we'd decided on silver balloons with white stars printed all over the top half. Them being 12-inchers wasn't a problem since there would be far less of them. The same model was available as sixteens too, but after trying and comparing it was clear twelves would look better. Still, Kriss wanted them used to maximum effect. She made us blow them up to full capacity and hold them in place for inspection. Even if she tried to hide it I could see she doubted the results.
    And then Lexi's loon popped in her hand from the sheer pressure, dooming those plans in the process. Kriss shrugged.
    "All right, let's try letting half of the air out of the necks."
    That was far better, but still not quite right. With the print not going all the way down, there was just a tad too much plain silver at the bottom. Meanwhile, Lex had blown herself a new balloon and stopped just when the neck started to get pronounced. Me and Kim deflated ours to match and Kriss reluctantly had to concede it was what we should go for.
    "But blow them as far as they'll go anyway. Will make them less likely to pop after you let some out."
    Naturally we had to do as she said, and just as naturally that caused a few overinflations. In fact, all of us had at least one explode in our faces from following those instructions. But since softened balloons might be better in the long run, no one protested. Besides, it was fun watching Kriss fall victim to her own stupid idea twice. Pretty impressive considering she only had to fill three balloons.
    Then we stuck them firmly to the back wall and once more did the helium imitation trick. The strings were stretched so tautly towards the floor it really did give the impression of the loons straining to break free.

    Setting up the studios had taken all morning and it felt really good to stop for lunch. Alex and Kim were starting to get giddy at the thought of getting to shoot together again and almost skipped away as they set off to get ready. Kriss, on the other hand, was all too happy to share a sweet makeout session with me as we waited. I found myself complimenting her on the setup between kisses and gushing a bit over how nice it all had turned out.
    Kriss smiled. "I would have done it all by myself if I thought for a moment any of you wouldn't be up for it."
    "And done it without even breaking a sweat, huh, 'Iron Lungs'?"
    "Maybe a little one", Kriss admitted. "But you'd help wash it off, right?"
    "With my tongue." Then I ran the same around her ear and blew into it.
    She gasped and pulled me closer and I barely managed to stop myself from asking if she wanted to make love. It would be all the sweeter for waiting until the shooting was done.
    It was just as well we didn't start on anything advanced, because our lifemates soon returned all dressed up in glitzy gala gowns and evening make-up, exaggerated a bit for the camera. Their black dresses sparkled with silvery sequins and wouldn't have looked out of place at the actual Oscars. It was after all their best going-out ones and they looked absolutely amazing in them. Lexi's new blonde wig fit so perfectly with her outfit she couldn't have many regrets about buying it. And Kriss, who got her first real look at it, fairly swooned at the sight.
    "Gods, Sweet Cheeks, you take my breath away!"
    "Sorry", Alex grinned. "Here, have it back."
    It was just an excuse to kiss her, of course, but on general principle she did blow some air into Krissie's mouth while she was at it.
    Kim, for her part, had collected her hair in an elegant and voluminous updo. A couple of thick, loosely curled strands hung down on each side and sparkling earrings dangled behind them while a matching necklace gleamed on her chest. Lex was of course similarly equipped in the jewelry department. It would hopefully have the same effect on the viewers as on my wife. Can't say I was unaffected either, but I had expected nothing less.
    "So", I asked, "are you ready for your closeup?"

    They were, and soon both sat in the spotlight usually reserved for Kim. Lexi was properly introduced as Alexis 'Sweet Cheeks' Riley and her career as a musician got a mention as well. After a brief and probably superfluous mention of what the awards were about and how long they'd been around, they began to discuss the year's nominees and make guesses. That kind of content worked much better with more than one person in the studio and their chemistry made it run along nice and smooth. Considering the overall tone of the show they had an uncommonly serious talk about the predictions - all smiles, of course, but rather less humor than usual.
    Eventually Kim faced the camera. "Join us tomorrow for the revelations! And make sure to like and subscribe to hear about a very special award."
    They both blew the viewers a confetti-filled kiss, the sparkling particles star-shaped to fit the occasion, but stayed on to film the promised extra content right away as a secret continuation of the episode. Kim brushed some errant mini-stars out of sight before starting on the next bit.
    "Do you think the jury make up their minds ahead of time or do they hesitate until the last moment?"
    Lexi looked skywards, then shrugged. "Guess that depends on the person. I'm more interested if any of them are bought."
    Kim seemed to agree. "Must be many things to take into account. Just for fun, I thought we'd give the viewers a chance to vote themselves."
    "Oh? How do we go about that?"
    "Simple!" Kim's hand went out of sight and returned holding a pair of those 16-inchers we'd passed on for decoration purposes. They'd be just right for this, though.
    She handed one to Lexi and went on. "We blow these up and let them guess which one will pop first."
    Lex looked the balloon over, stretching it this way and that. "Just from us blowing into them?"
    Kimber looked at her with slight disbelief. "Of course - anything else would be cheating."
    Alex nodded approvingly. "Yeah, I'd say that's simple enough."
    "Great!" Kim exclaimed, stretching her own balloon. "So are you ready?"
    Her opponent gave a combative grin. "Ready and willing."
    "I'll count us in. On your mark, get set, blow!"
    With that they both begun to puff furiously into the silvery latex, inflating it with remarkable speed and force. The printed stars spread apart and grew bigger as the balloons expanded and each lady understood all too well how to make it even more exciting for the viewers - by tilting her balloon slightly downwards so she could stare directly at the audience in a silent challenge to look away, which no one in their right mind would do, and also imploring them to vote just for her.
    I wondered how many votes either would get and whether they'd match the actual outcome. I kept filming until a loud detonation signaled the end of the match and let the camera roll for a bit to let the loser do what she wanted, but when editing I would cut it off just before the critical moment to preserve the uncertainty and make sure people turned in for the next ep as well.

    Me and Kriss gave them a big hand as they rose and flattered them shamelessly for acing the new format. We reviewed the material right away and found it broadcast-worthy, and all that was left was for me and Kriss to slip on some dresses too and prepare the final props. We hadn't done it ahead of time to give our stars a chance to rest and review the script some more, since they wouldn't have cue cards within reach this time. Or some of it at least.
    And it was at this point Lexi became difficult.
    "Uh-uhn. No way I'm presenting the awards unless I can do it in a tux."
    I know her well enough to realize this was her way at getting back at me for not letting her dress up for Valentine's, and told her so.
    "It'd be a shame but Kim can do it alone as we planned at first."
    The blonde star shook her head. "I'm with her. You said I could wear one whenever I found a suitable occasion, and I can't think of many more suited for a suit."
    Don't think the thought hadn't crossed my mind, because it was a pretty damn obvious opportunity. And it wasn't me not liking the idea - I certainly did - I just wanted to keep the public displays to a minimum. Maybe for fear of being called out, or being accused of doing the whole thing for my own purposes, or whatever. Though no matter the reason, I sure wasn't gonna protest too much.
    "Not a bad idea", Kriss said. "But that pretty much means me and Chel should match the look."
    There was literally nothing saying that but her, though there wasn't anything contradicting it either.
    "We're overdue a black tie dinner anyway", she went on. "Let's wrap this up and go somewhere fancy in our work clothes."
    That earned her a giggle and we all set off to get changed. I did check a few details to make sure we wouldn't be mistaken for presenters - as Lex does pretty much every public appearance in a skirt this would be no exception, so me and Kriss could go with pants. Fine by me. Also, they'd be wearing wingtip shirts which we would counter with turndown collars.
    Having that in mind my wife and I went to put on different evening wear than I had imagined. But disappointing might be the wrong way to phrase it.

    Looking appropriately formal Kriss located the stuffing machine she'd bought out of sheer curiosity and brought it to a neutral-looking corner of the dining room. Her elegant appearance was somewhat marred by the baseball cap she'd put on to maintain the illusion we were the same stagehands as before, and for the same reason I kept the ponytail. I carried the camera in and Kriss set up the contraption, taking the opportunity to explain how it worked while keeping in character, acting as if a roving reporter team had walked by while making a backstage documentary.
    In lieu of envelopes, we used white balloons to contain the cards I'd prepared - along with a small handful of glitter. Naturally a funnel wouldn't be enough for that but thanks to the otherwise seldom used technology we could easily put them in. Although we did deflate them at once to blow them back up by mouth, because when you have a gimmick you'd better stick to it. But it wasn't without risks, as I found out when a balloon burst just as I was about to finish reinflating it. One of the corners of the card had probably damaged the latex when it shrunk down around it.
    Kriss had the worst time keeping a straight face - let alone a stern one - as she helped brush the sparkling dust off my lapels. I'm enough of an old hand in the business to have avoided buying the finest kind though - that crap takes forever to clean up.
    Anyway, in the end we had six card-and-air-filled balloons and I very carefully brought them to the studio while Kriss fetched the presenters.
    I will say this - I had absolutely no doubts Lex made the right call. They'd gone straight past looking smart and hit striking, keeping the elegance from the first shoot and only swapping out the gowns. The high waistbands of the knee-length black shirts shone like satin cummerbunds below the open but well-fitting coats. A row of golden buttons marked the middle of their white shirtfronts and their immaculate bow ties finished the impression of having dressed to impress. Even the jacket sleeves were just the right length to show off the bright cuffs below.
    "I'm glad you didn't pull this on me the other week", I told Lex. "Because then we'd probably never have left the house."
    "That's too bad", she grinned, "because I believe Krissie's taking us out after this."
    Kim adjusted her tie coyly. "And me, boss?"
    "Don't even get me started." Telling her what I was thinking would only stoke her ego.

    I set the camera up in the right direction and the presenters walked on from each side to meet in the middle, making zero allusions to their new getups and acting as the look was only to be expected.
    Kim announced they were there to present the winners - but as there was no telling what the committee would actually pick, they would instead hand out prizes for the year's worst...in entirely new categories. (Like 'least convincing effects' or 'most cringeworthy line' and so on. It had taken some time to decide as I had to check through different forums for things being ridiculed. Because of that I'd opted out of listing more than one nominee.)
    Whenever they reached a point where an award was to be given, I walked in and handed them one of the balloons in what I hoped would appear to be a dignified manner. Kim and Lex took turns popping them in a burst of glitter, catching the hidden card and reading it out aloud. Needless to say, the silliness clashed with both the act and the setting in a way I found pretty damn amusing.
    They made some comments on the motivations I'd jotted down, improvising whenever an opportunity arose. At the end they thanked the viewers for watching, reminded them there was an extra award in the subscriber’s section and to check there to find out who had won. We went on to film the presentation of that right away.
    "Welcome back!" Kim said. "It's time to reveal the winner of yesterday's bout. Did you place a vote? Or are you holding out on your verdict?"
    "Last chance to guess", Lexi announced, "because the result is about to come in."
    That was my cue to walk on with a regular envelope. I handed it to Kim and she slowly opened the flap as I retreated.
    She drew a deep breath and went on in acted anticipation. "And the winner is..."
    "Oh, cut it out", Alex said. "We both know what happened."
    "Yes, but tradition is tradition."
    "Let's show them instead."
    Here I would cut back to the final stretch of the contest for a visual reveal. They had both blown impressive necks on their balloons and it was a matter of mere moments before either of them would go bang. But instead there was a whoosh and a whoops as Lexi's loon escaped and sputtered away while Kim triumphantly blew in another insufficient breath - followed by one that made her starry globe vanish with a resounding boom. Cue a return to the current episode.
    "Oh yes, you dropped out of the race", Kim smiled.
    "The balloon dropped out. Check what the jury has to say."
    Her colleague looked inside the envelope and the smug expression turned into puzzlement. She withdrew not a card but a fresh pair of twins to the balloons they'd used for the contest.
    "A win on walkover isn't a real win", Lex stated. "So I thought a rematch would be in order. That is, if you dare."
    "Of course I do", Kim said. I would have said 'huffed' if she hadn't kept the brilliant, audience-friendly smile. "Choose your weapon."
    Lexi picked one of the offered rubber pouches at random and stretched it in a business-like manner. Kim did the same and beckoned me over to count them in. Standing off to the side, I gave them the same start as previously.
    "On you marks... Get set... Blow!"
    Most of their pretenses at dignity went away as they set about the task, each thinking of nothing but inflating their balloon past the bursting point before the other one could. Huge exhales rapidly stretched the latex into silvery spheres and it looked like an even match until Lexi's loon popped halfway full.
    "No fair!" Kim cried. "Cut!"
    Alex actually agreed. "That was an accident. Can't count that."
    I nodded. I didn't have any problems with having to count them in again - if they wanted to redo the subscriber bit from the start it was all on their heads.
    I sent Kriss for new balloons and watched the contestants refresh their makeup. Then they redid the take and it went exactly as before until the balloon part. They were still blowing just as hard as before, puffing out their cheeks as immensely while forcing copious amounts of air into the bulging latex over and over again. But this time both loons held out until they'd reached their absolute limits, with long, gleaming necks that were almost intimidating in their tightness, until Alexis' balloon exploded with an incredible bang and an immense shower of glimmering, sparkling stars.
    So the result turned out the same as well. Kim pinched off her ready-to-burst glitter bomb and gingerly held it to the side.
    "There you have it! 'Sweet Cheeks' Riley is the winner!" She glanced at her lover who was striking a proud and happy pose that could best be described as just a tad superior-looking. "But what do you expect from a professional trumpet player?"
    Kimber turned back to her audience. "That's all we had for you today! See you next time - and be sure to lemme know if you wanna see more of her." She hiked a thumb at Lex.
    "This is Kimber, going off the air - for now!"
    Then she drew an absolutely humongous breath and holding the balloon with both hands blew all of it into the swollen latex. The exhale went on for so long Kim seemed at risk of running out of air before the balloon would give up and she bent forward to add some extra force, gazing straight at the camera all the way.
    The pop came so suddenly that Kim kept blowing between her now-empty fingers for about half a second without registering she no longer had to. But before the tiny stars and glitter dust had fully settled on the floor she'd straightened her back and tossed away what little remained of the rubber with a huge, open-mouthed smile that was so alluring I was a bit disappointed Lexi had dibs on kissing her after the filming stopped. Instead I turned to Kriss.
    "I see you made a last-minute addition."
    "Executive decision. Felt the accident lacked something compared to the prize balloons."
    "Go ahead and say it. 'It just didn't pop', right?"
    She laughed. "Oh, that it did!"
    "Granted, the glitter would have made them match. But the confetti?"
    "A little extra for the grand finale. A star-studded end to a star-studded evening!"
    I sighed. "It's not evening. And the afternoon hasn't exactly been star-studded. In fact, the only thing that was were the balloons - after you got to them."
    Then I gave in and took her in my arms. "It looked great, Kissie. Absolutely wonderful. It was a fantastic way to finish. But I still wish you'd let me know these things ahead of time."
    "Then you just would've worried they'd pop from the pointy bits."
    She was right, of course. And since they hadn't it was probably better that way... this time. I could easily remember half a dozen occasions where it would have been better to tell me first.
    Kriss kissed my cheek. "If it makes you feel better I blew up a trial one to check. Even saved the evidence. Look."
    She pulled a shapeless, deflated thing from her pocket and put it into my hand. I could vaguely feel the contents through the sturdy rubber, and they weren't precisely shuriken. I began inflating it and realized there was no way the girls hadn't noticed the contents, even if there'd been no outward signs of that. Guess they too knew Kriss well enough to know what to expect.
    Taking a cue from their recreated camshow I pretended to be unable to go on, and my wife was all too happy to take over for a bit. And when I got the loon back for seconds I hammed the scared-of-popping act up as much as I could, which Kriss tried to top on her next turn. As I probably wouldn't be able to outdo that it was maybe just as well the balloon broke from her breath, resulting in a shrill, girlish scream complete with trembling hands in front of her face. It was so out of character Lex and Kim came running to see what's wrong, which of course made it even funnier. It also brought them into reach for some congratulatory kisses before we removed the balloons, naturally filmed for the members.
    That was a very quick and workman-like affair, each of us holding a pin and methodically jabbing every shiny globe in turn until nothing was left but lots of rubber knots and shards all over the floor. Watching the setting up and taking down videos in turn would probably give the impression of us preparing and participating in a very formal balloon popping party.
    The presenters got to burst the silvery dozen behind the desk by themselves while Kriss finally discarded her cap and I let my ponytail out. Both of us would need some work on our hair before we could go out.
    In fact, we all had to adjust our looks a bit - Kim and Lexi toning theirs down and me and Kriss spiffing them up. But soon we were more than presentable and a limo took us to the restaurant my wife's sort-of-fame had produced reservations at. While our outfits might have stood out a bit, the staff and clientele were far too well-heeled to raise even an eyebrow at the sight. Besides, there were several gentlemen dressed just like us.
    We talked and laughed while we ate and after three delicious courses I felt about as good as I ever had outside of the bedroom. All in all it had turned out to be an enjoyable day.
    When we got home I finally got the chance to whisper the question I'd put off earlier and as a reply got just the suggestive smile I'd been hoping for.
    So when Kim asked "Well - what now?" Kriss had the answer all ready.
    "Don't know about you, but we're off to make love."
    "Whatta coincidence", Lex said. "Feel free to join us when you're done."
    And we did, but only to share goodnight kisses and sleep next to them. There are some limits to the debauchery in this house.

    Comment

    • Harley
      Senior Member
      • Jan 2016
      • 269

      #32
      Re: ON THE AIR with Kimber - a Blowgirls serial

      Episode 20

      To say people wanted to see more of Lex would be a slight understatement, and a couple of them thought it witty to say they meant that literally. How unexpected.
      Anyway, to bring her on as a guest once every other week or so might be about right - at least as a first estimation.
      For the time being the show went on with a couple run-of-the-mill episodes and by now you should have a pretty good grasp of what that entailed. And then we got hit with our first age restriction, which didn't really come as a surprise. In fact, I thought the unseen censors might have forgotten about us considering what we'd gotten away with so far. To be fair, the content was fairly explicit.
      See, as spring break was about to start in various places across the country we thought it would be prudent to issue a few precautions for the holiday. Namely, the importance of safe sex. Kim was elated to finally feature some blown-up fuckrubbers on the show and we went shopping for a wide variety of those - from plain prophylactics to pure novelties.
      Can't take all the credit for the idea though, just thinking up a context for it. Since connecting 'On the Air' with Kriss' fan club, which has an actual P.O. Box, we'd been sent a number of items along with suggestions how to show them off. But everything not factory-sealed got thrown away just in case, because as they saying goes, you don't know where it's been. That went double for the (thankfully very rare) objects more suited for a bedroom than a studio.
      Despite all that we'd scored some useable balloons and inflatables, and the box of condoms straight from an online store had motivated me finding a use for them. But just one kind was of course unthinkable, which made for a fun trip to a few sex shops where we made some personal purchases as well while at it. Irrelevant, I know, but you know how I hate missing opportunities.

      So when the time to shoot arrived we were armed not only with a script but a large number of rubbers as well. While I was polishing the writing the others had amused themselves by blowing up some of every kind to inspect, compare and yes, giggle at. I don't know what but there's something about overinflated penis covers that never ceases to be funny.
      They tried different wall placements and decided that tiny clamps looked much better than knots for keeping the air in. Besides, those aren't worth the frustration of trying to tie off.
      But when it came to actually hang some on the backdrop I had to put my foot down.
      "So sorry, baby, but you've an image to think of. Crystal Mackenzie shouldn't be seen playing with condoms - and these days, neither should 'Sweet Cheeks'."
      I went on before either Kriss or Lex could protest. "But I have another very important job for you! Someone has to find out which kind blows up the biggest. And it'll take two because it's hard to handle the tape measure at the same time. Think you can take turns checking how long and thick you can make them?"
      Yes, I dipped into sultry at the end as a completely unnecessary extra selling point. The challenge was enough - and blowing to pop would be more fun for them than finding just the right size and stopping. It would be a shame if I couldn't watch them go at it, so I made them use the other half of the room while me and Kim inflated the decorations for the camera.
      If you've half a brain you'll immediately realize we had to do those over. The soundtrack was kind of thrown off by the pops and laughs in the background.
      In the end, though, we had a representative selection on display on the back wall, straight or shaped, plain or ribbed or covered with tiny studs, colored or translucent. A few unopened packages where strewn on the desk, both square, metallic, oblong and in printed plastic. A couple topped with silly rubber figures were also on display, although since they were all rolled up it was hard to tell what they were.

      The filming began with Kim greeting the viewers for her talk about preventative measures through the ages. We had considered making it a 'Ms. Kimber' episode, but I felt it hadn't been nearly long enough and to make a few of the points I was planning we needed a more suggestive setup. So instead she was wearing a short, tight dress in pastel pink that would be suitable for either the beach or the club. Her hair was casually brushed back and her entire appearance was far less provocative than the subject would suggest.
      Then she got right down to business. "Spring break is coming up, and if you're wondering what that has to do with these you've probably never been on one. There's usually a lot of parties, fun, drinking and bad decisions. If you're going to make any of the latter, try sticking to just making a fool of yourself. And no matter how great the idea might seem at the time or how much you want it, sex without precautions can have nasty consequences. I'm sure you all know that. After all, it's not exactly a new invention - either the act or the protection."
      She went on to describe how different herbs and concoctions had been used since times almost immemorial, not to mention preventative pastes and primitive pessaries.
      "In ancient Egypt, women smeared their privates with a mix of acacia, honey and crocodile dung. Maybe it worked by keeping suitors away, but I doubt it. In Greece, a guy called Soranus recommended sticking to 'safe periods' but since he had no idea which those really were it was probably not that safe at all. And naturally, many of the folk remedies turned out to be toxic - which sometimes was the actual intention, to induce miscarriages. If it didn't kill them outright they could still make the lady permanently infertile - a really brutal version of the morning-after pill."
      The language was maybe not as casual as it should have been, but at least Kim didn't quite sound like reading from an encyclopedia anymore. I'll let you judge whether that's progress.
      "Still, people kept searching for ways to enjoy sex without unwanted pregnancies. The Romans found one in the philium plant, which is said to have been so effective it became one of their most valuable commodities. Too bad it only grew in one particular place and was so popular it got harvested to extinction. Because of that, modern science has no way of telling if it really did live up to its reputation."
      Yeah, that would have been interesting to know.
      "Through the years people have tried many ways to stop the sperm from going all the way - but not many were effective and most must have been really inconvenient. In Asia, covers for just the tip of the penis were common. Can't help thinking how hard it must have been getting those out."
      It wasn't just in Asia - in fact, it was a major method in our parts too up until around 1900 - but I'd simplified it to where it was first recorded.
      "It wasn't until the renaissance when a huge outbreak of syphilis made the need real urgent that a penis cover made from soaked linen wraps became a recommended solution. Because diseases were a big problem for men as well, for some reason inventors got creative all of a sudden. Fabric was apparently too coarse but sheep's intestines turned out to be a suitable material - and if you've heard of lambskin condoms, that's exactly what they are. Of course, different kinds of sheaths had been used for a long, long time, if cave paintings can be believed, but not to that extent. Organic materials aren't totally virus-proof since they have tiny pores, but they were overall pretty good and soon the final products weren't too hard to come by."
      I'm still wondering just how they were sold, though. And what they were called in everyday use - writers tended to use euphemism like 'french letters' and such. And speaking of writers...
      "Giacomo Casanova, famous for his sexual exploits, wrote about using them and blowing them up beforehand to check for leaks. As you can see" - she indicated the wall behind her - "these hold air very well. But I don't recommend putting one on after blowing it up. And absolutely not washing and reusing like people did back them."
      Considering the hygiene standards of the times, that was actually far less gross than it sounded. I'd half expected Kim to make a disapproving face or shudder, but she just went on.
      "In the mid-1800's, Charles Goodyear - yes, that Goodyear - invented the rubber condom. Since it was about as thick as a bicycle innertube it probably wasn't too comfy, but at least it was economical - he claimed it would last until the rubber crumbled. And while they still had to be handmade, condoms became easy to mass produce. Rubber diaphragms also became available. But lawmakers soon decided teaching about and selling preventatives was illegal, calling it 'obscene'. Selling them openly here in the states wasn't allowed until 1918, just before latex was invented about a year later. The dipping method had already been discovered - with an easy-to-handle material the results could be made even thinner. What's behind me is basically the same - but with higher quality materials and from more efficient factories."
      Kim seemed to realize she'd reached the end of the history lesson while only scratching the surface, which to be fair was our usual approach. She still raised an apologetic hand.
      "I know, I know - I haven't talked much about other methods. But these are the most visual and the simplest and quickest ones to get hold of in an emergency. I could add that birth control pills were invented in the 1950's and became real popular real fast, but forget starting on those if you're in a hurry. And condoms give the best protection against STD's - which you really should think about when hooking up."
      She emphasized those words by looking straight at the viewers. Then she went back to less personal tones.
      "Of course there are downsides. Putting them on can be awkward - some guys become real self-conscious or frustrated, especially if they're not used to it, and it's hard not feeling for them. If you're one of them, don't feel bad - you're not alone. And if you're about to use one, you're probably not alone in the room either. If your partner's experienced, they're probably happy to help. Or ask them to do something nice to help you stay...focused."
      That was as far as I'd let her go. It would be far to specific to suggest blowing up a spare so he'd have something interesting to watch while he worked, even if that had been Kim's go-to trick in her dating days. And Betty, who'd been around even more, always brought rubbers of her own along for that exact purpose. She also advocated sucking his cock rock hard right after, to make sure of a good fit. Probably not a bad idea as long as you can keep your teeth well away. But you might understand why we didn't mention any of that on the show.
      "Some say they're uncomfortable, but I'm willing to bet not half as uncomfortable as the clap. And yes, you might have to pay for these" - she let the untouched packages trickle between her fingers - "but it's not exactly a huge investment. And a mere pittance compared to medical bills or child support."
      Then Kim had to break the First Law of Comedy and explain her joke. "Oh, if you don't speak swedish, 'pitt' is one of their words for 'penis'."
      Two seconds later I remembered there'd been a guy named William Pitt, thought he must have been a real dick, and had to bite my lip.
      The presenter pointed at the small sculptures sitting atop a rubber ring each. One was a chicken (or cock, if you will) and the other a dinosaur. They looked rather shoddy and pretty much promised to ruin the mood of any romantic occasion.
      "A word of warning - these are just meant for a laugh. Yeah, they say making a girl laugh is important but trust me, try any other way. But if she has that kind of humor and suggest you use one of these, just say no. They're not up to the task."
      Kim performed a public service by unrolling the cylinder appearing to come out the chicken's ass before blowing hard into the opening. It did inflate, but not nearly as much as the ones on the wall and was opaquer as well. She didn't have to blow for very long before the whole thing burst and sent the chicken flying.
      "And they're more expensive than quality ones too. If you're thinking of using it together with a good'un, don't. Or any two condoms at a time, really - rubber against rubber creates friction that can damage them."
      That's true, by the way - one of the few cases where an extra safety measure actually does more harm than good.
      "The important thing is staying safe while having fun. And that goes for all of you not going on spring break too!"
      She said her usual goodbyes and I stopped the recording. What was left was the subscriber thingy and it was for that purpose I'd had Kriss and Lex run measurements. They'd discovered that one of the brands touting itself as the strongest on the market actually was, but since I don't feel like advertising them for free you have to find out which for yourselves.
      Regardless, Kim opened and unrolled one of those before going back to stand in front of the camera.
      "Some claim condoms are to small for them. That's pretty ridiculous."
      She brought the rubber to her lips and inflated it to full size with steady, rhythmic puffs. The latex swelled up into an enormous phallic shape that just kept extending in front of her before finally bursting with a surprisingly loud noise. Guess the tension had been pretty immense towards the end as Kim had to blow much harder than before to break it. But break it she did, and turned back to the viewers.
      "If you can't fit inside that I'd suggest you see a doctor."
      A pretty good practical demonstration, but not enough for Kimber herself. She insisted on doing it over twice, blowing up two more rubbers to increase the odds of one actually reaching the biggest possible size. To my eye they looked about the same but I could pick and choose later - unless of course she demanded final approval.

      I was still reviewing the material in the camera when a whooshing sound and more giggles caught my attention. I turned around to see Kriss had pulled a condom over her head all the way down to her upper lip and was now inflating it through her nose. The latex was rising like a translucent hood above her messed-up hair and the less said about what it made her face look like the better. Kriss and Lex had a hard time keeping it in - the prophylactic did a much better job and retained enough air to fill up nearly all the way to the ceiling. Then it snapped and left Kriss laughing with a stupid-looking rubber ring wrapped around her features. She tore it off without much effort as the others laughed along and I had to let a chuckle out as well.
      Still sixteen at heart.
      And I wouldn't change a thing about that, neither her love of blowing huge raspberries against my butt - and many other parts - or the fact that she'd started the others on the habit. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.
      Still, this kind of called for a comment. "Remember what I said about image, Ms. Mackenzie? What would your fans think if they saw you like this?"
      "They'd laugh, I hope."
      Kim was fingering the unused stash. "Been ages since I used one of these. Or was the cause of the use, I mean."
      Lexi cocked her head. "If you like we could try a few out. See if 'ribbed for her pleasure' is just marketing bullshit."
      "Never could tell any difference", Kim said. "'Course, was kinda busy at the times."
      "I'm on", Kriss grinned. "I hear you like a little something after shooting."
      I sorta liked the idea and went up blow and whisper in Kimmy's ear. "Whaddya say? We could take turns and use a different type each..."
      "Fuck yeah..."
      "I'll get the equipment", Kriss said and was off in a flash.
      Me and Lex started on getting the tester in the mood but since she was already more than ready we mostly worked on each other. I hoped Kriss would hurry or I'd have to do something outside of the parameters.
      She wasn't gone long and must have rushed through the house as she was fairly panting. With her she'd brought three simple strap-ons and was already wearing one of them. And nothing else.
      "You can go first", Kim moaned, "and save me the wait."
      Kriss was already going through the latex supply. "What kind should I use?"
      "Let's start with ribbed."
      My wife grabbed the requested rubber, opened the packaging and suddenly looked just a little sheepish.
      "I'm not that good with this."
      "Lemme help" Kim said and deftly rolled the thing on with far less problems than I'd expected. Then Kriss was between her legs and inside her, once more giving me and Lex occasion to reflect on how much we loved watching them fuck. But this time she asked me to do a trial run on her and I hoisted her onto the desk to make sure everything was in the right place. More of foreplay than a proper shag but still lovely and as always wonderful being able to stick it to her just for fun. The blondes were going all in though and their escapades grew more intense until it was clear Kim had gotten enough pleasure to go right over the edge. The moans faded into kissing sounds and finally just happy sighs.
      Kriss pulled out and pulled off the rubber. "So how did it feel?"
      "Amazing. But not sure about the model without anything to compare with."
      "Just one last test", Kriss smiled, "to see if they get weaker from use."
      She put the condom against her mouth and blew a long, sensual breath into it. And another. And another. The sight was mesmerizing, with the soft, glistening rubber gently expanding from my lover's lustful exhales. Either she really enjoyed doing it, or was horny as hell, or both. Probably the latter. Before she was fully done the expanding latex split apart almost gently, at least compared to the explosions Kim had caused, and stuck to Kriss' knuckles. She plucked it away and placed it next to the cracked packaging.
      "A bit maybe."
      There was a hesitant demand from the futon. "Try one with studs?"
      Since I was already fully equipped I got the next turn and while I'm no stranger to help putting on condoms I gladly accepted assistance. Kim was just too good at it.
      "You've practiced a lot", I said.
      "On toys. And cucumbers. In case it was ever needed. But never really got to do it for real..."
      I nodded. I've noticed guys can be a bit possessive of the task. "Aw. But those skills come in handy now..."
      And how. In mere moments I was all set and went at it with more than a little enthusiasm. Kim seemed to enjoy it so much I felt real good about myself even before we'd finished. She showed me some real appreciation but wasn't quite ready to pass verdict on the rubber just yet.
      The looks I was getting from all directions made it clear I too was apparently expected to blow the thing up to check for wear and tear, and had to silently wonder if any of Casanova's mistresses ever asked to do it. Or if he asked them.
      My inspection showed that I at least hadn't broken the thing, and I think I managed to inflate it to capacity since I had some trouble making it burst. Though I think it had more to do with keeping my grip on the sorta-greasy latex than its actual strength. Anyway, it eventually popped in my face and Lexi stepped up to the plate. Or the futon, at least. She'd chosen one of the strongest kind to see how it would perform its intended job as well, and Kim's skilled fingers soon had it rolled neatly into place. Kriss wrapped her arms around me as we viewed the final part of the experiment - a bad way to describe what was really an extremely erotic sight.
      It was lovemaking and hard fucking all at once and just seeing it turned me on so much I almost whined with need. Krissie sliding her hand down between my legs didn't help at all and actually made it worse, especially when she started fingering me. Not knowing whether to hold back or let go I chose the latter, because it felt too wonderful not to, and not for the first time I came while watching my lifemates at play. I usually handle the stroking myself but having it done for me made it even better, and them pretending not to notice was the final, perfect touch. But since she certainly saw it happen it might have added something for Kim too and as she cried out in satisfaction I hoped it had. Lex was still holding her tight as she passed judgement.
      "The plain one...was best."
      "Or the one using it", Kriss suggested.
      "That might've helped."
      Alex looked just a little smug as she removed the rubber, adjusted her grip and raised it to her lips. Without hesitation she triumphantly blew it up until both the size and shape could be described as obscene, and unlike airship balloons the tip grew thicker than the rest - emphasizing the phallic shape something fierce. Kim gazed in awe at the latex inflating ever bigger above her, and I felt my jaw drop as well as it just kept expanding from Lexi's breaths. It got huge, larger than any of Kim's on-camera efforts, and when it eventually exploded it was with an air of finality. It actually went bang - as in that was the exact noise it made when bursting.
      "Why didn't mine do that?" Kim complained.
      Lex grinned. "Maybe they weren't properly prepared."
      "No, Kimmy", I said. "I'm not letting her...prepare another for you. Because you're not exactly looking presentable anymore. For a general audience, I mean."
      "They were big enough", Kriss assured her. "Things look larger from below."
      The blonde sighed. "Then I'll just have to work on repaying you for those fantastic fucks." She pointed at Lex. "Starting with you."

      They'd only gathered up their clothes and left the room, Kim's legs wrapped tightly around Lexi's waist, when Kriss turned to me.
      "You know, it's been a while since I had a condom in me. And I could use some practice."
      I couldn't resist teasing. "Not like you'll need it."
      "But I kinda need you. And since we've never used one..."
      "I'd be happy to. Any kind, any place." Then I recanted and picked up the stupid rubber dino. "But not this one. If you have to see a doctor to get it out..."
      We both laughed. It was absurd and plausible at the same time.
      Then it was her turn to tease. "Maybe you could use some practice too?"
      I knew what she was getting at, shrugged, and inflated the thing a little more than half way.
      "There. Good enough?"
      "See? You can do it if you just put your mind to it, Chel!"
      I still hadn't agreed to anything, but I'll get back to it later if you don't remember what happened that summer. Personally, I'm not sure I'll ever live it down.
      "I think I can even blow this one to pop", I said, and did just to impress her. It wasn't much trouble and well worth it if only to make sure it was never put to proper use. That the ornament landed between her breasts was just a bonus.
      "Anyway, decided what kind and what place?"
      She scooped up a whole bunch of tiny packages. "I'm thinking all of them."

      Comment

      • Harley
        Senior Member
        • Jan 2016
        • 269

        #33
        Re: ON THE AIR with Kimber - a Blowgirls serial

        Episode 21

        As mid-March approached I saw a great opportunity to bring Alex on again. It would mess a bit with the regular schedule if done properly, but I felt we'd get away with some leeway. Besides, we could film it on the right date.
        So we got hold of a couple of four-leaf clover balloons and some airships and I had the girls inflate them for the preparation video. I also made them twist the bottom leaf before hanging them to create a separate air chamber.
        The sight of them blowing up the long, straight green balloons would have been a lot more impressive if Lexi's hadn't burst just as it was getting full. One moment there were two immense rubber cylinders being inflated at downward angles towards the middle of the screen and crossing in the middle, the next there was a pop and just a single one on the left. Kim laughed and deflated her balloon in solidarity so they could redo the whole thing in tandem. This time both expanded all the way and they tied them off with remarkable synchronicity. Then the balloons were hung to frame the screen completely, being tall enough to stretch right from the top to the bottom while still leaving the ends out of sight. They were after all six foot and change after the slight overinflation.
        And I'm sure you've already guessed the theme of the episode.

        "Today's Saint Patrick's Day", Kim announced, "and to mark the occasion I have 'Sweet Cheeks' Riley with me - whose grandfather appropriately enough was irish."
        They were both dressed in various hues of green - Kim in a tee under a patterned vest with a kerchief tied loosely around her neck and Alex in a neat blouse with widely spread collar tips. There were no gimmicky accessories in sight and definitely no green bowlers.
        "Not irish irish", Lex said, "but all of his grandparents came from Ireland. It might sound like a joke but he was what's called 'black irish', which doesn't mean looking like me - that came from his wife and my mom's parents. Black irish just refers to those with much darker features than most of the population. Some say they're have some different heritage but who knows? And who cares? They're just as irish as everyone else born there."
        "For sure", Kim nodded. "I actually didn't know that."
        "Just thought I'd mention it so people don't think it means something else. I think Colin Farrell has that look, if you remember him."
        "Mm-hm. Was your gramps that handsome?"
        "To granny, I hope. He was kinda short so I don't get that from him", Lex smiled.
        Kim seemed to remember something. "It just struck me it won't be St. Patrick's when you watch this, but to get the stereotypes out of the way, I hear 'tamarrah' is an irish tradition anyway. Sorry 'bout that - we're not here to make jokes but maybe set some things straight. For one - those balloons are all wrong."
        "Yeah", Alex agreed, "they only had four-leafs at the party store but the shamrock is actually three-leafed."
        "Whaddya say we do something about it?" Kim asked, produced two pins and offered one to her partner.
        They turned around and punctured a segment each - that was of course why they'd been twisted off - and having been thoroughly blown up those popped instead of slowly deflating. The presenters squeezed out the last of the air and smoothed the remains down into makeshift stems.
        Kim turned back to the viewers. "Legend says that Saint Patrick used it to demonstrate the Holy Trinity, and that wouldn't have worked as well with a four-leaf clover, right?"
        "So it has nothing to do with 'luck of the irish'?" Alex wondered.
        "No, most think that's a 19th-century expression, since so many who struck it rich in the gold and silver rushes here in the states were of irish descent."
        "Yeah, they sure were lucky to have to leave their country or starve."
        "Yep, some believe it might actually mean the opposite of what it sounds like."
        They went on to talk a bit about other irish symbols, like leprechauns and similarities with folk tales from other countries and how there never can be any gold at the end of the rainbow, since those actually always are round and never touch the ground.
        "And green beer is totally an american invention. Irish beer is usually dark and wouldn't color too nicely. It can be red, but green, no."
        "Gimme a nice glass of wine any day", Lexi said. "But not green."
        "Green grapes make white wine, right?"
        "As far as I know. Just proves color's only skin deep."
        "Absolutely", Kim agreed. "Anyway, happy belated Saint Paddy's, especially to any of you watching from Ireland! Special shoutout to Cork for having produced one of the funniest girls I've met - who'd never shut up about the local beer! I know from experience it's not green."
        "If it is you should take it back to the store", Lex concluded before joining in the 'byes.
        For the subscribers they did something out of the ordinary and played a duet of 'Londonderry Air' on trumpet and saxophone. The title and occasion made it too good an opportunity to pass up on. You might of course know it only as 'Danny Boy' - funny how songs can have many titles but be instantly recognizable by sound.
        Anyway, a couple of retakes later I told them they should always play together as an extra whenever Lex came to visit. Would make for some nice variety in addition to all the rest. (And yes, I made them pin pop the rest of the clovers and the airships for the members too. It looked pretty spectacular when the round rubber pillars taller than them completely vanished with a single prick.)
        "I love how they just disappear", Lexi said. "Like some magic trick."
        "Would be cool starting a vid like that", Kim said. "A big balloon filling the screen, bobbing up and down to the sounds of being blown up, and then pop to reveal me looking surprised!"
        I'd studied enough looner discussions to know it would be a kind of even split in appreciation, half of the viewers liking the payoff and the other half groaning in frustration from having been denied the sight of Kimber setting it up. I would be all for shooting it with two cameras, though. And my instinct immediately said it should be a yellow balloon, don't ask me why. Feel free to let me know if you have a theory or thought about another color right away.

        We didn't get scolded much for our little ethnical foray, except schooling on how to properly pronounce "tomorrow" with an accent. Notably two different ones, and the impromptu teacher from Cork took the opportunity to invite Kim over to try a Murphy's on location.
        Also, Carrie was happy for being mentioned even if it hadn't been by name. She sulked a bit for not getting interviewed as an expert but I pointed out that since she was a Londoner now it wouldn't have had the same weight. She said she wished it was Betty who'd told her that and I could just imagine the retort she had in mind.

        As March marched on I saw there wouldn't be time for another guest spot before the month was over, but that was okay since Alex would have sort of a starring role before that - as the birthday girl on the 28th. So we'd been planning to shoot an episode that'd be sure to please her on that day.
        See, one of the things we'd been gifted by a kind member was a replica of the inflatable autopilot from 'Airplane!', and he'd suggested some kind of recreation of the scene where the stewardess has to blow it back up. Kriss, being Kriss, had already traded favors with some studio musician buddies who'd rerecorded a couple of versions of the score from that scene, depending on how long we wanted to make it, and it was all I could do to stop her from turning the room into a makeshift cockpit. I told her it would be much funnier to let the surroundings look as they always did, but add cuts and music to match the rest. She reluctantly agreed, but only since her recording technician had agreed to provide the voiceover but not the look of the air traffic controller. If one part had to be skipped anyway, so could another.
        When the package arrived it had been a spot-of-the moment decision to conceal the contents from Lexi, since I realized it would make for a real good excuse to dress Kim up in her pilot's uniform - one of her wife's favorite looks. She could talk about pilot episodes or something, I thought, but the main idea was to shoot it as a birthday present. With Lex actually present, of course. Keeping that under wraps would be easy, though I naturally had to tell Kim and there was no stopping her from blowing the dummy up the moment she got her paws on it.
        It was actually a very good copy of the original, and even had two nozzles - a big one intended for a pump at the back in addition to the emergency inflation tube by the belt buckle. Guess which one she went for.
        "Have to see if it works", she stated between eager puffs.
        It did, and we had a good chuckle about it. The material was rather soft and thin, probably more to emulate the original look than to save money. Also, his legs were laughably short and stubby, but since they'd always been unseen that was an area where costs could be cut.
        About that time Kriss arrived at my summons and she just had to see if the bigger valve worked - both for letting the air out and blowing it back in. Afterwards she closed it off and asked if I wanted to have a go too.
        "No thanks. The poor guy's just had two blowjobs in a row and if he gets another he might actually pop. We'd better put him away anyway."
        Kriss pulled the plug and as the comically-looking doll toppled forward Kim could resist crying out.
        "Oh my god, the autopilot's deflating!"
        (If you've never seen 'Airplane!', go remedy that straight away. It's seriously one of the funniest movies ever. At least watch the autopilot scene or the upcoming part will make even less sense - I'm sure it's online somewhere.)
        "A for effort", I said, "but make sure Lexi's out of earshot when you practice."

        There were no leaks from her, and we set about filming that skit well ahead of time. Kriss somehow managed to loan a set of controls from a neighboring flight simulator aficionado - whom I'd had no idea was into such things - so the inflatable man at least would give the impression of steering something. Kim put on a modified version of her flight attendant outfit, leaving out the hat and jacket and wearing the blouse a bit more open than usual. Big headphones were readily available as they should in a musician's home.
        Then we went about replicating the scene as best we could. As the autopilot (whom we'd named 'Otto', just as he'd been credited) was to start out inflated, Kriss insisted I'd do the honors so I could get the full experience.
        Using the larger back valve I blew him full of air and placed him on the seat, sticking his hands to the steering handles with adhesive pads. Since Kim had been rehearsing with the voiceover recording I played it back while filming, intent on replacing it with better quality later. There were only a few lines anyway.
        What we ended up with after several retakes was basically a super-low-budget version of the original. Pulling the plug from behind wasn't too difficult and neither was putting it back at the right limpness. The main problem was that we had to cut Leslie Nielsen's part out, but replaced it with a couple of under-the-desk shots showing Kim inflating the doll from a much better (though less suggestive) angle. Also, since the tube was stiffer and wider than the one in the movie she could alternately exhale and inhale to create a downplayed version of the cartoony effect when the dummy appeared to pulsate with every puff.
        It wasn't going to be high-grade cinema but definitely good for a laugh. After all, it was just a stupid experiment for the most dedicated fans. Too bad there wasn't an alternative happy face for the ending shot, so we simply finished with Kim sitting back up and wiping her brow in exaggerated relief.
        Even Kriss was pretty happy with what I could present after a good while in the editing room. But since it was to be supplemental material for a later episode, posting had to wait.

        The night before the 28th Kriss asked Lex to do some audio mixes, just to make her stay in the music room. I'm pretty sure she understood why - my mate isn't always the subtlest. Neither was the packaging she'd devised for the presents we'd bought. Even though they were already wrapped Kriss suggested - nay, demanded - we'd use the stuffing machine to put them inside some big balloons, "so she can make them magically appear!"
        It was actually a pretty funny idea and since there were six of them we blew up two each. Kriss had bought some very nice 24-inchers that looked pretty solid - maybe it was the white 'Happy Birthday' print being outlined in black that did the trick. It was nice to see the model in different colors instead of the usual clear latex. Some manufacturer must have realized not everyone would like the contents to be visible.
        The extra-wide necks made them a little harder to inflate, and for once Kriss was the voice of moderation.
        "Not too big", she told us. "Just a kind of easter egg shape."
        "It's not easter yet", I said.
        A certain look passed over Kim's face at those words and either she'd had some kind of idea or was surprised at my wife not going for maximum size as usual. Regardless, we huffed and puffed until the table was covered with half a dozen nicely inflated presents. Then Kriss brought out the final touch - a silvery banner balloon with a similar print. Even empty it looked pretty wide.
        "One of these is enough but I thought we'd take turns."
        With that she started to blow it up but handed it to me after only a few breaths. I took over and added about as much air and then Kim did the same before passing it back to complete the round. The long, fat loon kept growing in steady increments and as Kriss blew it towards four feet or so Kim went up to fondle the phallic tip she'd been eyeing. In both size and shape it resembled a metallic cock and her tongue soon slid along it in a teasing manner. Then she took it into her mouth and began to suck while Kriss kept blowing at the other end.
        I won't deny I kinda liked that sight and felt a bit sorry my spouse was missing out on it. I was just about to offer taking my turn so she could watch some too when the balloon exploded without warning. In a noisy instant, the scene had turned from erotic to comical - two blondes blinking in bewilderment with long latex tatters hanging down from their lips. It was impossible not to laugh.
        "Sorry!" Kim said after removing her end. "I didn't mean for that to happen..."
        Kriss consoled her. "Wasn't your fault, sweetheart. And look, I got spares! I'll get us back to where we were!"
        She set about inflating the replacement at furious speed, blowing almost recklessly. It's damn near intimidating watching her go at it like that - she's just so good at it. It wasn't long before the rubber cylinder was all swollen and bulging with air and gauging how many letters had stretched out I told her to stop when the size was about the same. She obliged and gave the whole thing to me, and you can bet I was careful doing my part. So was Kim, but Kriss didn't seem to give the risk a second thought and I wondered just how many extras she'd bought. Regardless, we finished filling it up to the very end and hung it in place above the gaudy gift display.
        "Nice!" Kriss said. "You can go ahead and do whatever, I'll take care of the rest."
        I had no idea what she meant but it became clear when I returned to check in. The floor was fairly covered in 12-inchers of every color, all thoroughly inflated.
        "Good, you're here! Get your phone, I wanna show this."
        It was a pleasant surprise she hadn't asked me to shoot the whole shebang, and judging from the debris there'd been a couple of actual bangs as well.
        So to encourage that behavior I filmed her blowing up a single balloon until she acted like she'd just noticed and looked up.
        "Oh, hi! I'm getting ready for Sweet Cheeks' birthday - think I have enough balloons?"
        I panned across the immense collection and returned to Kriss, who nodded.
        "You're right. Needs a few more. Talk to you later!"
        With that she resumed her work and I turned off the camera.
        "Impressive." I meant both the number of loons and her restraint. "Want me to fade this in and out and post it?"
        "Yesplease", she said between puffs. "Be with you in a few."
        I wondered if her fans would lament not being shown more, but there's gotta be a few limits. Kimber sucking off an airship would definitely be a popular watch but no way in hell I'd share that.
        While making love that night I told Kriss how much I liked putting the presents in balloons.
        "Better than wrapping them... I much rather blow up the packaging than try getting the paper on straight..."
        She kissed me. "That's my girl..."
        "Just a shame if they'd pop before morning..."
        "Don't worry" Kriss whispered as she began thrusting deeper and harder. "Only thing gonna pop tonight...is you."
        A half-truth. She did too.

        Lexi was real excited as she waded through the miniature balloon sea and was only slightly puzzled at being handed an empty twelve-incher as her birthday gift. She began inflating it at once and feeling there was something inside picked up the pace and blew it to burst as fast as she ever could. Something very thin and very well padded with fabric fell out and was unwrapped to reveal a sturdy pin. Lex looked up with a silent question and Kriss smiled and nodded towards the big loons on the table. After a second of hesitation there was a pop and the orange orb had instantly been replaced by a pretty parcel.
        With a huge grin Alex burst the rest of the balloons in rapid succession to reveal her real presents and we gave her an applause like she'd just managed to extinguish every candle on a cake with a single breath. That would likely be even less of an effort for her.
        After all the pressies had been opened and appropriate affection given in return for each we had a leisurely breakfast and an overall pleasant morning until it was time to film that episode. We told Lex to keep to herself for a bit while we got prepared and changed for the shoot. When all was in order Kim called her up and said to meet us in the studio. She did an actual double-take as she entered.
        Not only had Kim made every effort to make her uniform look smart - with the cap, tie and wing badge impeccably straight - she also had a couple of business class passengers along for the flight. Namely me and Kriss, all suited up for the occasion. We'd taken some care dressing too, of course, and I felt kinda dapper in my slim jacket and trousers. That my darling looked damned handsome in a masculine outfit with a feminine cut goes without saying. And Lex did in fact say nothing for a few moments, just stood there gaping.
        "Welcome aboard", Kim said with a satisfied grin.
        I don't think hugs 'n kisses is the standard greeting when boarding most airliners, but that's what we got. And once I explained today's subject the setup made perfect sense to our passenger too. She got into the comfy seat we'd brought in and sat back to enjoy the show.
        I don't think I have to describe it in detail because I'm pretty sure you all know what a pilot episode is, and Kim focused on series that never got past that anyway. Some of those sure seemed doomed to fail from the start while others would have been quite interesting to see more of.
        At any rate, she concluded that while some programs may keep their quality throughout the run or only hit their stride after a couple of seasons, she personally thought most of them were best in the beginning.
        "After that, they often seem to run along on...autopilot."
        She pretended to hit a hidden desk button and it was at this point, dear readers, that I fucked up.
        While she'd been talking I'd crawled into position behind the empty seat next to her, which wasn't quite empty as the deflated co-pilot was sitting on it. Making sure the hose connecting him to that compressor I've mentioned in passing was securely in place I awaited my cue, and that was it.
        I turned the machine on and Otto quickly inflated, just as intended. But what wasn't intended was how little time I would have to turn it off after he'd been filled all the way up. There was a sudden boom as his side blew out and he slumped to the side accompanied by the sound of the electric pump winding down. While I couldn't see Kim's reaction at that moment, it was recorded for posterity and for once she actually jumped. And showed a bit of fright along with the surprise.
        If the exploding prop hadn't been more than enough to ruin the take, Lexi's yelp certainly did the trick. I rose to check things over. The first thing I saw was the burst dummy blown halfway off the chair by the force of the blast and the pilot showing real concern for her colleague. A few feet away Lex had a hand over her heart and was apparently recovering from a slight shock. Kriss, however, looked just about ready to explode herself and after a semi-valiant struggle she broke into laughter.
        "He popped! He. Actually. Popped! Way to go, Chel!"
        It might have been better if she'd actually been sarcastic. To be cheered after such a goof didn't feel right.
        "Oh, poor Otto!" Kim said, inspecting the tear. "Don't think mouth-to-mouth will help here."
        Alex shook her head in sympathy. "Oh shiit. It was great right up to that!"
        It had been going well, so well in fact it was a shame we'd have to redo it. As the prop wasn't going to be reused anyway there was no point in taking the trouble to make a proper heat seal - some vinyl cement and a transparent patch would have to do. And a lower pump setting. I wish I could blame Kriss for that but for once I'd turned it to the max myself. That'll teach me, I guess.
        At any rate, this time Otto blew up without blowing up, and Captain Kimber could safely disembark. I forbade Kriss to check whether our repair job would hold up better than the other seam until the episode was done and posted before we went to show Lex our previous cinematic efforts. She nearly laughed her ass off.
        "Always loved that part", she chortled. "Saving the plane from going down...by going down!"
        "And speaking of that", Kim purred and put her cap on her lover's head, "you haven't had any birthday blowjob yet, you poor thing..."
        Kriss nipped at Lexi's earlobe. "Wanna spread them out...or have one after the other?"
        I blew in her other ear. "We can probably find...something...to do waiting our turns."
        The victim's eyelids were already fluttering. "I think I can stand three in a row..."
        And unlike Otto, she could.

        Comment

        • Harley
          Senior Member
          • Jan 2016
          • 269

          #34
          Re: ON THE AIR with Kimber - a Blowgirls serial

          Episode 22

          You don't have to be a psychic to guess the kind of comments the pilot-episode-episode got. They were mostly variations of 'forget the autopilot, I want an inflatable pilot'. One would have to surmise they meant Kim dressed as one, but who knows? Maybe they just had very particular tastes. Oh, and they were all fit to burst with jealousy of Otto, since after we'd taken thorough care of the birthday girl Kim remembered there should be a subscriber video too. As she was still wearing her uniform she only needed some minor restorations to be ready to shoot it. In the meantime Lexi passed the time with deflating the dummy and blowing it back up - twice, to try out both valves. I don't think knowing that would have made the viewers less envious.
          But they only got to see what followed - Captain Kimber standing in front of the camera holding the inflated autopilot in full view, stumpy legs and all.
          "I know what you're thinking - isn't it risky with such a flimsy failsafe? What if the air comes out?"
          She surreptitiously popped the plug open and a hissing noise indicated such a thing was indeed in progress, further proven by Otto starting to sag.
          "Don't worry! If that happens there's a manual inflation valve - just like on our life jackets." I noticed her closing the main one but I'm not sure anyone else would. "You simply pull it out and blow in it."
          Then she gave a demonstration and dutifully refilled the doll from her personal air supply. She held it at such an angle it wouldn't look too filthy, but there was no way to completely get around that. And Kim would've had to wear a bag over her head to avoid looking appealing doing it. She blew in enough to restore the proper shape and replaced the tube.
          "So you can sit back and relax knowing you're in safe hands!" She patted the painted gloves and kept smiling for the fade.

          It perhaps wasn't the best ending, but the alternative we'd discussed had been Kim herself springing a sudden leak and deflating. While she had practiced acting that out, both Carrie and Tessa had done more convincingly. Besides, it would really only be suitable as an April Fool's joke. Which wasn't far off at all.
          "What if I simply popped on camera?" Kim suggested. "That's easy to fake, right?"
          "Make you disappear and add a bang would be simple", I conceded. "But the First is off-schedule and it would make for a pretty short episode."
          "Not if it happened at the end!"
          See, this is the reason my services are needed. "You mean you'd go through an entire unrelated script just to explode for no reason at all? That's not funny, just...baffling."
          Kim wasn't deterred, though. "Oh! Can we do an extra quickie with just that? As a joke on the viewers?"
          "Would be funny as hell if it looked right", Kriss giggled. "Not sure cutting you out would cut it though."
          "What if I blow up a balloon and just when you think it'll pop I do?"
          Kriss hardly managed an addition through her chuckle. "And the loon flies off!"
          I sighed. It wasn't bad at all, but would be hell to make in a way that wouldn't disappoint now they had the image in their heads.
          Lex sealed the deal with her plea. "Can we blow her up for April Fools? Can we really?"
          Since it was her birthday I couldn't very well say no. But I did give Sam a call pretty much right away. Pleasantries aside, it pretty much boiled down to how the Angels' graphic expert would go about such a thing.
          "Funny, I played with the thought when we put up those Delivery Dolls videos. What I'd do is film the empty room for a bit, then have her blow up the balloon and let it go. Then you can just put that clip on top of the first and mask out what you don't want to show."
          I hadn't the heart to say I didn't know how to do that. Yet.
          "But just removing her wouldn't be as good as having pieces fly all over the place! So I'd keep the camera rolling, put a big balloon on the chair and pop it, then add the explosion in the same way. And tint the bits the color of her clothes."
          "Sounds complicated."
          "Not really. If you had all that on tape and sent it over I could probably do it in less than an hour. Maybe much less, might depend."
          I said we'd at least try to film it and see what we'd end up with and she wished us good luck. I explained to the rest and got their approval.
          "If you hold it with the neck visible it'll show the entire take-off routine" Kriss told Kim.
          Lexi said if the balloon pieces were to be colored in post they should start out white, which made sense. But the loon had to be approximately the size of Kim, which basically made dolls the only alternative. And we didn't have any at home, much less the right hue - or lack thereof.
          Our regular supplier might have some of those snowmen in stock, so me and Kriss made a little run to see what we could find. Besides, the birthday girl had been eyeing her uniformed wife in a way that made clear she thought it high time to get undressed, so giving them complete privacy wouldn't be amiss.
          Long trip short, they had what we sought and also a pack of regular party balloons with a silly jester print on white latex - appropriate for the occasion. The sight of what must have appeared to be a couple of businesswomen buying balloons failed to draw any attention, but Kriss blowing one of the prints up on the pavement outside the store caught a few glances. I have to admit she looked amazing, not to mention cool as hell in the light grey three-piece suit. And she wasn't out to check the size this time, just curious about how the jester would look fully inflated. 'Serviceable' is the word I'd choose. She let the air back out and got into the car.
          On the way back Kriss inadvertently revealed my little plan was in motion. "Lexi said she's thinking about driving lessons. Think I can finish before her?"
          "Well, you've got a clear head start."
          She simply nodded. Gotta love psychology.
          Once home it was clear the occupants had been playing more than just head games. Their clothes were decidedly more casual and I don't think robes qualify even for that. Convenient, though, as Kim could build up a new look from scratch. I told her to go all in on 'bimbo' and pretend she'd be filling in for Mandy. It was exactly the kind of role I'd have casted the troupe's other blonde in - she excelled at playing stupid despite being the opposite. Kim wouldn't have to act quite as much, though.
          The results were neat, to say the least. She'd gone for light pastels, the pink undershirt half covered by an open blue top with skin showing through the needlework of the short lacey sleeves. Too bad her off-white skirt would be out of sight because it complemented the rest nicely. As for the makeup, she'd gone for a little more pink than usual and long lashes to emphasize her eyes. Thin, golden hoops dangling from her ears with matching bangles completed the appearance. Not overly cute, not overly sexy, just...pretty. Damned pretty. It seemed a shame to pop such a lovely specimen, but on the other hand it would just make it more shocking. And funny.

          Kim plonked herself down in front of the camera and greeted the audience just like in any regular episode.
          "You might have noticed I sometimes blow up balloons here on the show and I've heard people say they have problems doing it. But it's really no trouble at all! Let me show you."
          She produced the new bag of balloons and fished one out at random, shaking it a little as she did.
          "First you stretch it a bit", Kimber told her viewers followed by a demonstration.
          "Then you just blow! That's all there is to it. As long as you're wary of pops it should be fine."
          She turned for a side view facing the right of the screen, with the balloon in a dainty left-handed grip. With an inhale that made her chest rise (and told me she was wearing a push-up bra for effect) she brought her to her freshly painted lips and began to inflate it. She blew up both the latex and her cheeks with every big puff and I was relieved to see she'd made sure to turn the print for maximum visibility. The loon's neck inflated to dangerous proportions and once full Kim pinched it shut and blew once more, hard enough to make her face turn a different shade, before letting go mid-breath. And that was all she had to do.
          I can already hear you thinking "how hard can that be?" but then you're underestimating the randomness of balloon behavior. The first loon released looped back on itself and passed between Kim and the camera...in other words the part that would be lifted out. The second one she blew up exploded in her face after only two puffs. And the third took off like a rocket straight out of frame, which would be useable - but as Kriss was in the room she stated at least another take would be needed in case we could get a better sputter. And to make sure, that extra take became two more, with Kim releasing the balloon on a regular breath to make it completely unexpected. Had there been more lines at the start I'd called it a wrap on the first successful escape, although my co-director did have a point. A small one, but still.
          Then there was the matter of getting a neat pop on camera. We'd blown up a doll each nice and full, though putting them in just the right spot proved a little tricky. As for popping them... well, you know how the breaking point impacts where the pieces go? Stabbing one from below was less than impressive. In fact, any body hit left too few pieces. They simply didn't burst the way we wanted them to.
          "There's only one way to go", Kriss said.
          Apprehension struck me. "And that is..."
          "Blow one up as much as it can possibly take, lean it against the chair and shoot it in the face."
          That sounded more like an execution than a special effect, but I was willing to let her try. The old pin-and-straw blowgun trick would take care of the popping and Kriss herself handled the inflation. She blew the snowman so tight I caught Lex taking an involuntary step backwards and was just in time to stop myself from doing the same. After tying the loon of with some difficulty my wife was sporting an expectant and almost wicked grin.
          "There!" She put Kim's understudy in place and turned to Lex. "Wanna do it? She's yours, after all."
          I'm fairly certain Kriss hasn't read 'Of Mice and Men', and if Steinbeck had written this he'd never have won any prizes. At any rate, Alex accepted.
          Taking careful aim she gave the straw a mighty puff and the balloon burst with a wonderful bang. I might have enjoyed the sound more than usual because it was accompanied by at least three latex shards flying off in different directions. I think we all felt that was about as good as it'd get.
          So I uploaded what we had for Sam, with notes on what takes we'd planned to use, and it being a sort of birthday party and all I didn't get around to check for a reply until the next morning.

          Have I ever mentioned that girl is an absolute rock? There are few I'd trust more to deliver in practical matters, and this was no exception. She'd not only put together the clips as described, she'd used at least three of the pops to make the Kimsplosion as spectacular as possible with pink and blue and peach pieces sailing through the air. That one landed on the desk made the whole thing feel more real and I had to look around to make sure my beloved Kimmy-coo was still with us. She was, but nearly incapacitated with laughter. Couldn't blame her - we all were. For once I felt a bit useless - Kim had done the acting, Lex the popping and the balloon flying off came from one of the reshoots Kriss had insisted on. And Sam had done the rest, in two versions. The other showed the labored final puff...which made you anticipate a pop of some kind. Right out of nowhere was funnier to me, but the alternate would make a nice member perk.
          "BAM!", Kim howled. "Please write that was the final episode, just for a joke!"
          Ah yes, someone still had to post it.
          Kriss wasn't sure the noise was quite right, though.
          "I mean, it looks like you pop from the pressure, but we hear a pin pop."
          Lexi agreed. "The rest's so good the sound oughta be perfect."
          While the mics in the room were as good as our experts had been able to make them - I'd always been proud of the audio quality and how we'd never had to reshoot from problems with that - there still had to be something to record. So Kim had to go back to the desk and blow every kind of balloon we had in the house to burst while Kriss took careful notes and rattled off the makes and sizes before every inflation. She thought it would be great to have a database of the sounds each made. Turned out to be a video archive as well as she used the camera for consistent quality, but as Kim just sat there methodically overinflating balloon after balloon it didn't make for a thrilling view, at least not for a general audience. Though it could probably make for a contest if we ever felt like it, something like identify the loon, or the expert level - match the popping sound with the type.
          If you feel sorry for Kimmy having to blow her way through all that rubber, she had the easy part. Kriss sat up late going through the sounds over and over to find the optimal one, frequently calling in Lex for opinions. And in the end still went with the last of the snowmen in the pack being blown to pop, but there was a sharper snap so not a complete waste of time. The escaping balloon didn't need enhancing - it farted away nicely on its own and a louder noise would have been over-the-top.
          As for myself, I did the fade-out and added the caption 'ON THE AIR has ended. Thanks for watching!' Which was an absolute truth, if you mentally put in 'Today's episode of' at the start.

          Lots of people fell for it, though. While some wrote 'It's a joke, right?', there were far more 'Say it aint so!' and the very notable 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO', albeit with even more letters. And of course someone proclaiming 'That was one of the hottest things EVER!!!'
          Glad he liked it, even if I personally prefer Kimbers in one piece.
          I apologized to Sam for not crediting her at first but added her name in the description once the date had passed, and she apologized for taking more than an hour.
          "Would have been faster if my drawing pad wasn't getting old. I really should get a new one."
          On hearing that Kriss messaged Jo to find out what model her spouse had her eyes on, because she'd definitely earned one after all the work she'd done for us. Having it delivered would make sure she couldn't decline.
          Oh, and that jealousy I mentioned before? Pretty sure it would've been extinguished by Kriss hooking up the compressor to the small of Otto's back, turning it to maximum power and letting it rip - which in turn made the dummy rip, all the way from the top of the patch job to the armpit, nearly tearing the limb off in the process. She looked kinda disappointed he didn't outright explode, but at least it proved the repair was up to standards.
          The burial was less than officious, with the remains folded and deposited in the trash. He had served his purpose admirably, which is more than can be said for some actual people.

          The next couple of episodes were straightforward, except Kim acknowledging the joke and the studio being curiously balloon-free. Alex made a guest appearance without a special theme, semi-officially turning her into a regular. But the presentation of the prank ep had got me thinking, and soon we found ourselves shaking up the format a bit. We temporarily moved the shooting to mine and Kriss' bedroom, which lacks the canopy and had already been shown in the birthday extra. I had nothing lewd in mind though, rather the opposite.
          Kim dressed up as the nicest girl-next-door you could imagine, sort of like we remembered doing as teens when a boyfriend was coming over. In a loose white knitted sweater, tight light blue jeans and just-above everyday makeup she looked like she was indeed expecting company, but in a rather innocent way. Sort of wanting to impress without mom finding out.
          As the episode started she was casually stretched out on the bed, surrounded by a few inflated supermarket-quality balloons and their torn-open, half full bag within reach.
          "Heya! Kimber here, and I'd literally been on the air if this was an air bed. But it's not. You might wonder why we're here instead of the studio and it's to put you at ease. Because we're going to talk about something scary - phobias."
          She made a callback to April First. "Even if the rest of that episode was a joke, I wasn't joking when I said some people have trouble inflating balloons. But even more write to confess they're scared of them. While it's nice being told how brave I am just because I'm not afraid of popping I can understand what it feels like. Spiders give me the creeps, for instance."
          She went on to talk a little about the mechanics of fear, which I had to look up and others have expressed much better if you wanna learn more, and gave some examples of unusual phobias along with the causes as described by sufferers. She didn't use the fancy greek names though since trying to pronounce them would have caused hiccups - with one exception.
          "But back to globophobia, which is what professionals call the fear of balloons. It's often caused by a scary experience in childhood, and since they burst easily that's something most of us have gone through even if we usually get over it. Those of you who feel jumpy around them, do you think you'd dare watch me inflate one? I promise it won't pop."
          With a slight rustle she drew a pink one from the bag and held it in front of her face.
          "Are you ready?" Kim smiled. Then she inhaled sweetly and started to blow up the balloon with slow, gentle puffs. It kept steadily expanding with every breath until she suddenly broke her promise without meaning to. The balloon vanished with a violent bang, scattering torn latex shreds all over the bed. Kim gasped and exclaimed something completely at odds with her previous demeanor.
          "You spoke too soon", I said.
          "And after all that", she lamented.
          There was nothing for it but removing the evidence and doing the whole thing over. I suggested she'd start with the loon but she was adamant it had to go at the end to build anticipation, which I agreed with while thinking it might turn out to be a long afternoon.
          Fortunately, the second take went without a hitch and Kim looked very satisfied as she tied off the fully blown red rubber globe.
          "See? If you're still watching, well done! I won't say there's nothing to be afraid of but I hope it might at least have helped you a bit. Because the only way to get over a phobia is exposing yourself to whatever scares you."
          That didn't sound quite right but I let it pass.
          "For this one I hear ear plugs help, and popping balloons from a distance - for instance with a nail on a long stick. If you've gotten over one of yours, why not write how you did it in the comments?”
          She did the usual sendoff, albeit from an unusual place, and we got ready for the subscriber video. For that one she stayed on the bed but sat up with her legs crossed.
          "In the main episode I asked you to watch me inflate a balloon without popping it. Now I'm gonna ask if you're brave enough to stay while I blow one up until it bursts."
          She gave the orange one she was holding a good stretch and let it go to slap against her hand.
          "If you have a balloon of your own handy, maybe you'd like to join me? We could do it together. Always better with some company when you're afraid. I'll wait while you get ready."
          She gave any takers a few seconds to catch up - probably while hitting pause - and went on.
          "All set? Good. We'll start on three. One...two...three."
          Kim blew a big breath into the rubber pouch, which sprang to attention and swelled up in front of her. She held it up and looked it over.
          "A good start. Shall we try another?"
          The next puff was as steady and measured as the first and the loon responded accordingly.
          "Getting bigger. One more", she stated and gave it a third good blow.
          By now it was approaching the intended size but Kimber was in no hurry.
          "And one more."
          The whooshing sound faded and the presenter removed the balloon from her lips.
          "This is usually a safe size. If you wanna stop now, it's fine. But I'm going to keep going. Feel free to blow along if you dare. One, two, three."
          With a thorough exhale she blew the latex into an elongated pear shape and now the phobics would have cause to start worrying. But I knew the 11-incher could stand some more.
          "We're getting there", Kim said. "Just a little more before it goes bang. Be prepared."
          She blew once more and the neck stretched out dangerously but the balloon didn't burst. It sure looked like it wanted to, though.
          "I'm about to finish mine off. If yours is still in one piece, I suggest you blow as hard as you ever can and get it over with. I will - and hope you will too. Deep breath and let's go!"
          Kim's bust heaved with a mighty intake of air and then she expelled it into the balloon with all the force she could muster. There wasn't a pop as much as a blam and the loon spread itself over the surroundings. The blonde lowered what was left in her hand and turned back to the camera.
          "There! Great job. That wasn't so bad, was it? I'm real proud of you for watching - and that goes twice if you actually followed along. This is Kimber, going off the air."

          I joined her on the bed and collected the scraps on the nightstand before delivering the contractual kiss, followed by lying down together for a wonderful makeout session. She smelled of fresh laundry and just enough perfume to make sure any company would be in the mood to fool around. I sure was. Soon her jeans and my trousers were unbuttoned enough for eager hands to slide inside the panties beneath them and firmly caress what was below. The tender rub warmed me to the core and I felt I'd no longer mind if it turned out to be a long afternoon. I could keep doing that until bedtime. A twinge of nostalgia hit me as I remembered the beginnings of my dating career.
          "This take me back", I whispered between kisses. "Giving my first real boyfriend a handjob."
          "Did he come?" Kim wondered.
          "'Course", I said, just a tad smugly. "Didn't take too long."
          "I bet. With those hands..."
          The memory of the warm goo spurting onto the sheets and trickling over my fingers brought a smile to my face. It had felt both weird and like a victory. I was at a loss over what to do next until he said I could wipe on his briefs - at the time it struck me as almost romantic. Ah, youth.
          "Did you come?" Kim asked, still slowly working her way towards just that.
          "Not that day. But the next he asked to do it for me first."
          "Was it good?"
          "Not as good as by myself. But good enough...oooh."
          Her touch was definitely better than my own.
          "Mine wasn't too hot either. But he got better."
          "So did mine. I jacked him off right after because I wanted to get better too. Even had a little taste when he wasn't looking."
          I licked my fingers for a visual and Kim sighed with delight. Then I put them back in place and kept reminiscing. "Wasn't bad at all. So the third time I tried taking him in my mouth."
          "Lucky bastard."
          "From his face he thought so too times a hundred. He got so hard..."
          Sne nuzzled my neck. "No wonder."
          "And just like that, he popped. Went so fast I didn't know what to do...so I just gulped it down."
          Kim broke into chuckles and kinda broke the mood too. But that was ok. Would be easy getting back into it.
          "Hope he appreciated it."
          "Boy, did he ever. Though I made him promise not bragging about it to his friends. I didn't wanna be known as 'Cheryl Swallows'."
          "You did, though."
          I nodded. "And kept doing. No more wiping for me."
          Kim stared with some kind of awe, like she'd thought me far more chaste. She really should've known better. Then it was her turn.
          "Went through a couple of guys before I got that far. Can you believe I actually spat the first time? Or more like let it run out. But I actually wasn't such a slut back then..."
          I kissed her brow. "And not now or ever in between. Anyone calls my Kimmily a slut gets punched in the teeth. Or at least lose their posting privileges."
          "I've done so much..." she sighed.
          "Did you like it?"
          "Yes. Oh, how I liked it."
          "Then it's not slutty. Doing things you like is okay. When will you get that?"
          She looked sort of evasive so I gave her a suggestive grin and a kind-of ultimatum. "It's time to decide. Want me to finish this...or go down...or make love to you?"
          All of a sudden her eyes lit up with a wicked gleam.
          "Neither. You said I only had to ask I and I'd much rather..."
          I was more than happy to comply with the wish that didn't in the least make her a worse person. But the image of Kim as the sweet, innocent dream girlfriend might have taken a hit if anyone had seen her getting it up the ass against the dishwasher.

          We were standing by the fridge drinking apple juice straight from the bottle. The deed was done, she was happy, I was happy. Any passing health inspectors might not have been, but to hell with them.
          "Wow", Kim said. "I wasn't sure you'd actually do it."
          "'Course I would. But maybe don't tell Lex. She'd have a fit if she knew."
          "She'd be a fine one to talk. I already asked her for this just to see if I'd like it."
          "I kinda noticed you did."
          She nodded. "So what can I do in return?"
          I took the flask for a final sip. "Finishing that handjob would be nice."
          I did want to end it the way we'd started though, so we put our clothes back on and Kim began fingering me just like she'd done before. Only now she'd pulled my pants down a little more for better access, sending me right back in the mood and even further.
          "Let's add a little excitement", she said.
          Before my lust-addled mind could process that she'd brought one of the half-forgotten balloons to her lips and begun to blow it up.
          Yellow, was all I could think.
          As the pressure built inside the thin membrane, so did the anticipation within me. Not knowing how far she would go was more thrilling than it should have been. Then she stopped blowing - and worse, stopped stroking - to tie it off. I would have complained had her hand not returned after batting the inflated rubber away.
          And then I heard another balloon starting to fill up with air. The whole scene replayed over and over, each pause a near-agony, every restart a paradise. I was repeatedly brought to brink only to be pulled away at the last moment until Kim eventually ran out of loons.
          "Aw", she purred, "just one thing left to inflate..."
          Her hand worked with a fervor that made me tense up all over while she ever so slowly brought her face and her wonderful scent closer to mine. My lips were wrapped up by hers and the warm air she passed into me was such a sensory overload I exploded from a single breath.
          I could have kept kissing her for hours after that but a few minutes had to do.
          "That settles it - we're buying a bed for the studio."
          Kim must have been caught off guard. "Why?"
          I couldn't resist teasing. "In case you ever want to do another casual show, of course. Definitely not because I want a nice nearby place for this and that sex you've negotiated. Besides, you won't have to wait jumping Lexi after her guest spots."
          "You know you're welcome to join."
          "Might do that at times. But Krisses need love too."
          "So bring her in."
          "There's no room for a double bed. But whenever you need my talents you know where to find me."
          My grin was returned. "Likewise."
          We kissed some more. "Now, what are we going to do about all these balloons in my bed?"
          "I could think of a few things."

          Comment

          • Harley
            Senior Member
            • Jan 2016
            • 269

            #35
            Re: ON THE AIR with Kimber - a Blowgirls serial

            Episode 23

            Even though we'd kept the phobia talk pretty non-specific, amateur psychologists had nothing to complain about since I'd covered our backs by making sure Kim pointed out we weren't stating facts. But one fact that proved to be true was lots of people owing up to uneasiness in the comments - along with various advice on how to handle it.
            About that time we finally heard back from Jo, who'd taken her sweet time finding out which tablet-and-stylus set her wife would get if given the choice and making sure she wouldn't be suspicious. While being the probably least globophobic person I've met, Jo has read her fair share on the subject and agreed facing your fears is the only way to get rid of them.
            "And being encouraged by someone as nice as Kimber might help even more. Have to be a few people out there rewatching that blow to pop."
            "For more than one reason", I said.
            "That's for certain. Though I meant for the...intended purpose."
            "You know, I'm not sure which one that was."
            She gave in and laughed. "Me neither to be honest! For self-help, then?"
            "So that's what it's called in your parts!"
            "Fine! I'm sure not only masturbators come back to it. Don't go there!"
            "Damn, I wish you'd talked more at the theater. Would have helped my writing so much."
            There was a chuck, or whatever you call the singular of chuckle. "Had to get over some of my own fears. Anyway, as I was saying..."
            The point she was trying to make before I sidetracked her was that she was sure Kim's viewers would appreciate repeats of the same thing with bigger and bigger balloons. For more than one reason, of course. But judging from the appreciation we'd already gotten it was helpful, and it wouldn't be difficult to make more. In fact, we could shoot the whole series in one go, if she wanted to keep the look of 'Doctor Kimber' consistent.
            That suggestion was shot down straight away.
            "Would you keep going to a shrink who wore the same thing every time?"
            "Depends on how good they were and whether they washed said clothes."
            "Making it all at once is a great idea but I am changing."
            So that was that. First we had to hunt down all the required balloons, though. One decorator we visited had seen the show and approved of it wholesale, hoping it would make more people realize what an effect a few balloons can have on a room.
            "But if you keep showing how them how to make columns I might be out of a job!" he laughed.
            So he was a member too. Well, I've heard some balloon pros are really passionate about their work.
            "I think most people would prefer more than one color and in spirals, and we didn't show that", I said. "Besides, they probably won't have the time or patience."
            "True", he agreed. "Or the equipment."
            He of course had it, along with an amazing stock not intended for direct sales. He was happy to make an exception for us and the haul included some elusive thirteen and nineteen inch latex loons. Between 20 and 24 we could only find mylars, though. Ten instalments would be a nice and round number anyway - and filled with nice and round balloons.
            While we were out shopping we also bought that bed the studio was lacking and had it delivered the same afternoon for inauguration that very night. Not that anyone slept in it, but that was a secondary function anyway.

            As we'd already filmed a couple of standard episodes to be released on schedule there was plenty of time to make some extras. Kim put on a severe grey skirt and her best white dress shirt, which could go with any number of outfits. She always wore a jacket or a waistcoat over it - naturally a different one every time - but mixed it up with occasionally leaving a couple of shirt buttons open or putting on a scarf or a regular tie. I'd been pretty firm about leaving bows for more festive occasions.
            Regardless, she was strikingly beautiful with silver studs in her ears and the golden hair brushed back behind them. The makeup was definitely there - quite a lot of it - but in subdued tones that matched her overall appearance. Lexi was of course along because any variation of 'Kim in a suit' was music to her eyes and she proved a real help as a stylist - adjusting collar tips and scarves and ties and generally fussing over her wife. If it looked good to Lex it certainly would to anyone else.
            It was a simple format, basically just a brief introduction followed by "In today's session we'll be using a XX inch balloon". Then the therapist would pick it up, stretch it and advise everyone to do the same.
            The next line was invariably some variation of "Now I am going to blow some air into it. Watch."
            She'd proceed to do so in a calm and precise manner, suggesting the viewers to follow.
            "A breath this big is about right. Try adding one yourselves."
            She gave them some time to catch up, then went on.
            "From here on I want you to blow along with me. One steady breath at a time, no more and no less than you already did."
            Starting with a blue 12-incher she worked her way through every -teen, all the way to twenty inches. It should have been mildly uninteresting to watch Kim inflate balloons in such a clinical fashion - but it was absolutely mesmerizing. The way she built up the tension in such an off-handed and undramatic fashion meant it would all be in your head, leaving phobics to decide for themselves how to feel about it. The complete lack of reactions at the explosions only reinforced that view.
            In fact, her overall attitude was just what you'd expect from someone whose regular work assignments included blowing up balloons until they burst to reassure clients. She certainly seemed to be in the habit and have plenty experience, which was an absolute truth. I wondered if any regular psychologist had taken it upon themselves to do the same, and if they'd puff their cheeks out as much or worry that it'd spoil the professional impression. Kim of course had no such qualms and blew up her face nicely along with every loon.
            I'm not going to go into much detail about the balloons themselves except that we'd taken some pains to choose ones that would pop as visually as possible, preferably in several pieces - the more the better. We didn't have much choice with the thirteen-inchers, but the purple metallic balloon still split apart in three latex shards that went off in different directions.
            With the sixteens, however, so many brands were available we were able to pick one that didn't break as much as shred, and cleaning up the carnage took some time. And while finding nineteens had been a windfall, they were kind of disappointing quality-wise and Doctor Kimber had to blow up three of them before we managed to capture one who lasted all the way on film.
            Actually, a couple of the others required retakes as well for popping between breaths, but no more than one and that was pretty much a regular day on the set anyway.
            Eventually we got to the last one, making the leap from 20 to 24 in one go. For the finale Kim wanted to go all in and combined the pinstriped waistcoat she'd worn for the show’s first btp with a jacket and tie. Before, she'd at most worn two of those at the same time and I cracked a smile at her dressing up for someone else for a change. Alex personally made sure the burgundy neckwear with small gold medallions fit snugly against the collar and that the open grey jacket with the narrow waist emphasized her wife's body shape. I definitely would be returning to consult someone who wore that for every appointment.
            And there was no question about her credentials, either. This time Kim congratulated the viewers on making it all the way to the final instalment and said she hoped everyone felt they were making progress. She also said that while the size of the next balloon might seem intimidating, the bang was usually not as loud as you'd expect. Might be news to anyone who'd never braved one before, but returning viewers would of course remember Ms. Kimber’s lesson.
            At any rate, she'd chosen a light, friendly green color to make the loon less threatening and began to inflate it without much further ado. I don't think I'd ever seen her blow one up with such restraint, and doing it that way of course took her longer than usual. The neck seemed to take forever to fill up once started, but fill up it did from the steady stream of breaths being passed into it. As they were so evenly sized I found it hard to guess when the explosion would come and was actually surprised by the dull boom sending rubbery remains flying. The therapist blinked, but that was the limit of her reactions. She swept what was left of the loon into her palm and dropped them into an unseen (and non-existent) drawer.
            "There. I'd say if you're able to do that you're well on your way of being cured of your phobia. And just watching is a step in the right direction. I'm looking forward to hearing about your results."
            "Not bad", I said, turning the recording off. "But while that might cure phobias it would only make a fetish worse."
            "Those don't need fixing", Kim smiled and beckoned her lover over. There was a bit of smooching but soon enough she'd thrown her onto the bed. I was about to leave when the still professional-sounding voice asked me to sit down.
            "I could use an observer for this treatment."
            "Doctor's orders?"
            "Yup."
            I parked my ass at a good vantage point. "So what's up, doc?"
            "This poor woman is incredibly tense. I'll try to relieve that."
            Well, the remedy wasn't revolutionary but tried, true and incredibly efficient. It wasn't long though before Kim's fingers dipped into a pocket and took out something dark green and floppy. She tossed it to me and I found it was indeed another 24-incher.
            "Blow it up", she commanded. "It might stimulate the patient."
            "Until it pops?" I asked as I added the first puff.
            "Until it pops."
            So there I was, slowly inflating the big balloon while shamelessly ogling the goings-on in front of me. Neither had a thought of undressing but Kim's hand was all the way up Lexi's skirt and her lips all over her face and neck. She was doing a slow and thorough job of it and I decided to treat the loon in the same way - blowing in large, drawn-out breaths with just enough force to make it expand. I could hear Lex whine in anticipation or delight with every whooshing sound, but they were happy noises, not borne of any real fright. Or if they were, it was a scare she enjoyed.
            I liked the thrill too and tried to angle the swelling rubber so it wouldn't block my view, but didn't quite succeed and picked up the pace to destroy the obstruction faster. Lexi's apprehension increased more and more the quicker I blew and I couldn't decide whether to prolong it or release her as soon as possible. I saw Kim whispering things I could only guess at and her arm was going at such a rate I realized it was time for us both to make our playthings explode. I gave the balloon the hardest blow I could manage and was disappointed it didn't burst at once, but another had it pop in my face and nearly sent me to the floor. I was literally on the edge of my seat as I watched Kim finish her beloved off and Lexi's shrill moans proved the cure had worked admirably.
            The physician looked up to see me rising. She lifted an eyebrow.
            "Don't you want some yourself?"
            "No thanks", I said, walking unsteadily towards the door. "I have a previous appointment."
            I won't say I ran to find Kriss, but I was definitely in a hurry because I'd caught what Lex had been suffering from and if not remedied at once it might prove fatal. The music room was as usual a safe bet and my wife had no problems diagnosing my condition.
            Luckily, she was familiar with the treatment.

            The portable airbed had once more paid off and as we lay cuddling on it Kriss wanted to know all about the shooting of the new segment. I told her and added that all it needed was a title.
            "We can't really call it 'Doctor Kimber' because there's always some killjoy who'll feel the need to point out she isn't one."
            "What about 'If she had a degree she'd be Doctor Kimber'?"
            Before I could nix that Kriss froze like a deer in the headlights, like she'd just thought of something.
            "If she had a degree,
            She'd be
            Doctor Kim-ber" , she hummed, which kinda made it work. No way I was gonna admit it though, at least not straight away.
            I was swayed pretty quickly though, and had to concede writing the disclaimer in small letters above the title accompanied by the semi-catchy ditty would work. Admittedly, it wasn't for a particularly professional production so basically anything would make do. But since it'd please Kriss to pretend she'd made a big contribution I said yes. Several times over, in fact, but that had been part of her persuasion tactics.

            For some not-at-all inexplicable reason Kim was still wearing her suit when we caught up at dinner, although with a much looser hairstyle. She loved the idea of recording another title tune, and this one was so short she could learn it in no time at all. Which meant I could upload the first session that evening. We agreed they should be posted at the same intervals as the regular episodes, but not on the same days.
            After all that it seemed kinda weird seeing the star in two different sets of neat but everyday clothes for the next shooting session, but since the majority of the shows featured just that it wasn't anything odd about it. The whole concept would go stale without frequent specials though, and I frankly found those easier to write. My main chore was digging through entertainment outlets and keeping Kim up to date with the doings of mainstream celebs and the gossip around them, while trying to think of interesting connections and parallels. I was actually relieved a major holiday was coming up, because I felt I was on more solid ground there. Besides, decorating for Easter is a time-honored tradition.
            Since balloons are naturally egg-shaped we blew up a ton of bright pastel 11-inchers to put in the background, which made for a nice non-public video with lots of size comparisons for a uniform look and even a couple of accidental blow to pops. Kriss, the showoff, also inflated a huge purple rabbit balloon and I was kind of satisfied she had some trouble doing it. Ears, head, and body had to be filled up separately and the end result was perhaps not as perfect as she'd intended. But Kim clapped her hands and said it would be fine, so it was put up just as it was. It was almost as tall as any of us, but lacking legs. The ears kinda made up for that though.
            It was agreed a basket of actual eggs would look nice and seasonal on the desk so we got a carton of 24 to decorate with. Everyone joined in for fun and blowing out six eggs apiece was quick work, even if I finished last. Then we discovered we suck at drawing. Lexi's efforts were the best, but it was soon apparent that our skills resulted in a collection even middle-schoolers wouldn't be too proud of. So we bought professionally made ones instead and used the salvageable contents for crepes and omelets. And pancakes for breakfast - not a total loss.

            As for the actual show, I hadn't been in the least surprised by Kim choosing a playboy bunny outfit to wear. That had pretty much been a given all along, and her telling me Easter was a festive occasion felt rather superfluous.
            Anyway, she'd swapped the turndown collar for a wingtip so anyone - especially yours truly - could see the black tie wasn't a clip-on. The bright blue bodice complemented her eyes and showed off a bit more skin than usual. And with 'a bit' I of course mean 'a lot'. The white cuffs were just there on general principle, I suppose, but the ears were a must to complete the look.
            Speaking of looks, she was hovering dangerously close to camgirl territory with the makeup, but once again managed to make 'sexy' appear like a byproduct of 'lovely'. If she ever crossed that line I'd have to put my foot down. Not without regrets, of course, but impressions are important.
            At any rate, she made such a good one I'm pretty sure some viewers wouldn't pay much attention to her talk about the history of Easter in different cultures, including the Ishtar origins and the rabbits 'n eggs connection. Plus why it never falls on the same day or even month. Can't help but think the church bureaucrats dropped the ball on that one. Poor J.C. himself was naturally mentioned but more in an 'as you know' way than any biblical lecture. Actually, most of what was said could probably sort under general knowledge, so I'll leave it at that.
            Finally, Kim went into arts and crafts territory.
            "A popular pastime at this time of year is blowing out eggs." She indicated the basket. "Some of you maybe wonder how it's done so I thought I'd show you."
            Reaching down behind the desk she picked up a very flat but shiny square and proceeded to unfold it in front of her. Then she stuck a tube into the opening at one end, brought it to her lips and began to blow into it. The egg-shaped mylar balloon with gaudy printing crinkled more and more into shape with each powerful puff and soon Kimber could proudly display a fully inflated decoration. She turned it around in her hands for a better view, indicating the thickness.
            "There! All blown out. Happy Easter!"
            I turned off the camera and provided the mandatory kiss, much more eagerly than those words might imply. Kim took off her rabbit's ears and put them on my head instead.
            "I still say it would be funnier if you'd worn an actual bunny suit."
            "Funnier, maybe, but not sexier."
            "Unless for a particular crowd."
            She grinned. "Yeah, but I care more what you think. And admit you like it better like this."
            "You know I do."
            "See? So whaddya say I show you something bunnies are really good at?"
            "If you hop away I'll spank you."
            She didn't, but I spanked her anyway. Since I'd brought it up and everything she wouldn't let me not do it.
            But before I could go any further she got up and went to the bag of unused loons.
            "Now something for the subscribers."
            "I thought the foil egg was it for today?"
            "No way, nohow. Time to show how to really blow up one of these."
            She dangled another giant rabbit from her fingertips and I saw where she was going. It is possible to inflate them from the neck and onwards, but it's far, far from easy and requires some very thorough stretching. Which Kim set about to do in the only proper way - by blowing it full of air and letting it back out. She did lots of pulling on various parts of the rubber along the way, but once she'd brought it into shape and back out of it again she told me to start the camera. I nodded and did as asked, knowing full well how it would turn out.
            "Heya! See Mister Bunny back there?" She indicated Kriss' handiwork. "I've been told he was pretty hard to inflate, but I find that hard to believe. Let's see, shall we?"
            With a happy grin she brought the red latex to her mouth and began to blow, and it took her very little effort to fill the body to the max. Then the head began to expand, but as Kim drew another breath it shrank down as its contents went back into the main part...bringing it past the bursting point. With a bang, the bunny was no more.
            "Damn", Kim said. "But I knew that could happen. Let's try again!"
            She fetched a green balloon and repeated the process, but this time she blew it up twice and stretched the head vigorously. And yet the next take didn't go much better, except the bunny exploded mid-exhale. It had gotten somewhat bigger, though.
            Kim said nothing as she inflated a third rabbit, a yellow one, which popped during the preparations. Then she swore.
            With only two left in the half-dozen pack she knew she had to be more careful and made sure to only blow up one part at a time, doing each ear three times in a row, then just the head and finally the body. Kim relaxed her grip slightly and the balloon went from a medium pink to a dark one as it shrunk back. She carefully yanked the whole thing to amazing lengths before inflating it fully the recommended way, and seeing it hold up brought the smile back to her face. I began filming another take and it seemed to go so well - except only one ear wanted to fill up. Kim kept adding more air in the vain hope the other would catch on, but all she managed was a spectacular explosion with the body flying to bits and the head and lone ear spinning away propelled by the breaths that had gone into them. If Kim had said "Guess they were right" she would have had a shot to be proud of, but you get one guess whether she did.
            Hint: she didn't.
            Instead she picked up her very last rabbit balloon and kissed it. The orange material made for a great contrast with her light blue bodice, that much was clear as she held it in front and stretched the latex lovingly. She inflated an ear almost tenderly, then blew up the other as well. She fondled them lightly before letting the air out and blowing some back in, filling the phallic shapes in turn several times. Eventually they started to bulge in the middle from the repeated expansions, looking far less taut than they had the first time. Kim seemed satisfied with the result and began giving the head the same treatment, except she pressed her lips against where its imaginary mouth would be every time she'd blown it a little bigger. Lastly the body got a sample of Kim's breath - a big one. She puffed it up with great care at least three or four times, and finding the rubber soft enough for her tastes she tried inflating the entire bunny all in one go, but backwards. The ears swelled up first, then the head followed by the body and it went so smoothly I could have kicked myself for not filming it. That way we would at least have had a backup.
            But be that as it may, Kimber looked proudly at her achievment. That was for sure one fat rabbit. She turned to me.
            "Get me a clip, Chel?"
            I found and handed one over and Kim closed the neck of the balloon before putting it aside. I thought she just intended to let the shape settle for a while, which wasn't a bad idea, but she went over to the mirror and began redoing her makeup. Not a bad idea either, as all those inflations had pretty much used up her lipstick, though she wasn't settling for just replacing that. She touched up her lashes too and added a faint blush, then brushed her hair until it shone and put the bunny ears back in place with a lot of adjusting to get them just right. She straightened her collar and tie and hefted her boobs to give herself the nicest cleavage the circumstances would allow, finishing with pulling her cottontail into a perky position. Then she picked up the bulging latex again and nuzzled its nose.
            "Come on, Mister Bunny, you're my last hope. Let me blow you all nice and full..."
            Her tone was sweet, pleading and seductive at once and it was a good thing this wasn't intended for her viewers. This time some of them might have died of jealousy.
            "I'll give you the best blowjob you can imagine - if you promise to not pop until you're ready. If you wait long enough you'll even get some of this..."
            She hugged the balloon close and begun thrusting her hips against it, not hard but definitely with clear intent. Did I mention how huge it was? Even face to face with Kim it easily reached her knees. I held my breath. If it burst from that I wouldn't know whether to laugh or cry. I'd probably laugh while Kim would cry. Or maybe not, but I'd still have to comfort her for quite a while. Which wouldn't be the worst outcome.
            "Maybe you should save the treat", I told Kim, then turned to the blown-up toy. "I can attest she's a woman of her word."
            "I sure am", Kim purred. "So do me a favor... and I'll do you one."
            With that she opened the clip and let all the air slowly seep out through her grip. The rabbit gradually shrank into something that seemed puny compared to what it just had been. I went up to once more do my duty, but more as encouragement this time. After blowing into both of her ears I asked her to go for the 'they were right' finish if things went south.
            "Oh, but they won't. Mister Bunny and I have an understanding", she smiled.
            That smile grew even brighter as I started recording the final attempt, crossing my fingers. But Kim had promised the balloon the best blowjob ever and she certainly delivered. Each puff was deep and thorough, making her cheeks bulge oh so prettily behind the pursed and painted lips. She blew up the rabbit in such a magnificent way I could only think of it as a work of art. And most amazingly, it inflated just the way she wanted it with such ease you'd be excused for thinking it a special effect. Sure, it was a little rounder and looser in shape than intended but that only added to the impression. When the ears eventually filled up beyond the recommended size I wondered what would happen next.
            I didn't have to wait. Kim took the mouthpiece from her lips, beaming with pride, and held the loon up for all to see what she'd managed.
            "See? No problems at all!" The grin was almost inane and would have been manic if her eyes hadn't been nearly closed with joy and satisfaction. Now it was merely brilliant.
            I wondered if some closing remarks were coming but that was evidently it. The most beautiful bunnygirl I'd ever seen just giggled at the camera and that would be as good an ending as any, I thought. I shut it off and gave her a slow applause.
            "Bra-vo. I hope the recording's fine because I'm not sure I believe my eyes. Or that you could do it again."
            "Can too", Kim said. "But maybe not today."
            She tied off the balloon and hugged it again.
            "Look at you, all big and beautiful and bouncy", Kim told her plaything in the same sweet and seductive tones as before. She squeezed it a couple of times and snuggled up cheek to cheek against it. "How does my breath feel inside you? I tried blowing it in as nicely as I could..."
            She kissed the rubber rabbit. "And you were so good and let me inflate you all the way... Let li'l ol' me blow you up as far as you would go. But that's not true, is it? Because you didn't pop. And because of that I'm gonna give you what I promised before..."
            She carried the loon to the newly installed bed and lay it down before kneeling astride it, and with a couple of naughty whispers Kimmy began to hump its belly. She was really getting into it even if she didn't put much weight on her partner. The rubbing and grinding still looked real intense and the way she tossed her head increased that impression.
            "Oh, that's soo good", Kim moaned. "Pop for me whenever you want!"
            Her hips began to gyrate closer and closer to the mattress and the balloon trapped in between bulged and contracted in response. "Don't hesitate when you're ready! Lemme make you explode!"
            It was hard not to envy the bunny, even if it was doomed from the start. To be blown up and ridden by such a lovely girl was a worthy fate, though I didn't much care to share the inevitable end. Now Kim was outright fucking it with short, rapid thrusts that grew ever harder, ever deeper...until the poor thing could take no more and with a final swelling burst below her. I was prepared for the bang but it still hit harder than it should have, partly because I felt sorry for Mister Bunny. But he'd had a much better run than most any other balloon in existence. Kim, however, seemed happy.
            "There you go! All that tension gone..." She gasped when she discovered the fully intact but completely deflated head nestled against the pillow in front of her. "Oh no! Seems you're not done!"
            With shrill and eager inhales she blew the head back up, each puff short enough to hint at her own tenseness. This time the rubber ruptured right up against her face, but only split the largest part. The ears recoiled towards either side and drooped down from the tatters Kim was pressing against her lips. She tore one loose and reinflated it once more until it looked like a thick sausage, and pinching the bottom off with a tight grip began to rub it against her crotch. It was by no means just a show - she was clearly doing it for her own enjoyment and seemed disappointed when it popped from the rough treatment. As a grand finale she grabbed the last ear and I felt disbelief watching her blow it up to the very limit. It grew so long and round I almost thought she'd swapped it out for some kind of airship balloon, but the lack of neck and irregular shape proved it was indeed the last remnant of the rabbit. And then it too joined the rest of Mister Bunny in balloon heaven, signaling its departure with a sharp snap.
            Kim rose and strode over to me, still breathing heavily. She ran her hands down my chest and grabbed my ass to pull me in.
            "Funny", she said. "Usually you put me in the mood for balloons... but now a balloon put me in the mood for you."
            I smiled and followed by Kim took the loon's place on the bed, raising a thigh between her legs.
            "As long as you don't pop me."
            "Oh, you'll pop all right, Cherry darling... Even if I have to blow you."
            In the end, she had to. I held back long enough to make sure she did.

            I edited the Easter show and watched the rabbit video. And rewatched it. Then I set out to find Kim, who was looking so casual in her everyday clothes you'd never have guessed what had only recently transpired.
            "Okay, put the bunny outfit back on."
            "I knew you'd like it", she grinned.
            "I kinda did but it's for your viewers. That vid belongs behind a paywall so you have to make another freebie if you wanna keep the regular subscribers happy."
            She didn't seem displeased in the least - in fact, she looked rather smug.
            "Alright. But only if you watch me dress."
            I was back in the studio to make sure everything was in order while Kim had gone to find a suitable replacement balloon. Surprisingly, she'd settled on a small white one, no bigger than seven inches. But seeing it was already drop-shaped I surmised what had kept her was wrapping it around an actual egg and supposed she'd thought up something silly. I was not entirely wrong.
            "I know lots of you will be blowing out eggs for decorations", she said, "but I'd like to remind you to be careful with them."
            She held up the balloon and inflated it. The small container filled up quickly and before I had time to rethink my assessment it exploded in a shower of yolk and sticky egg white, which went all over the place and Kim herself.
            "Or you might end up with a real mess! Happy Easter!"
            Luckily I had been struck dumb so there were no exclamations from me to spoil the take. I saved them for after shutting off the camera.
            "How blonde can you get?! Whatever gave you the idea?"
            "Dunno, just thought it would look funny!"
            It probably would, but that was small comfort. I sighed.
            "Go wash yourself off."
            Kim seemed surprised. "No kiss?"
            "Not with that on your face."
            I picked up a wet rag en route to the music room, where I found Kriss and Lex discussing some arrangement or other.
            "Voting time", I said. "Who thinks putting the contents of an egg in a balloon and blowing it to pop is a good idea?"
            Alex looked aghast while Kriss' hand went up accompanied by a half-guilty smile.
            I thrust the rag into her palm.
            "Congratulations. You just won yourself cleanup duty."

            With all evidence of the act removed we had a look at the clip. It was so stupid you just had to laugh, and Kim finally got her reward. The others heartily agreed we should save the bunny blowing up the bunny for paying customers. Kriss was almost twitching with eagerness to replicate the feat, but since the rest of the balloons had been blown to bits that would have to wait.
            Until the very next day, as it turned out. Kim must have driven her to the party store and I've no idea how much practice had been needed, but after dinner she surprised me by showing up in the same outfit featured on the show - her bigger bust threatening to escape at any moment - and inflating a rubber rabbit from the bottom up. Except she kept going until it popped so we could see just how big they'd get. And with all the preinflations the answer was 'simply gigantic', especially when you factor in the neck which added more than a foot and was almost as thick as the ears. In fact, the latex was so pliant even the legendary 'Iron Lungs' Mackenzie had to blow with all her might to make it burst. I love watching that.
            Having at long last managed to make the bunny go boom she came up to kiss me.
            "Now, what kind of reward does Kimmy usually get for a job well done?"
            So it became my turn to show her something. But I think we were both pretty pleased with it.

            Comment

            • Harley
              Senior Member
              • Jan 2016
              • 269

              #36
              Re: ON THE AIR with Kimber - a Blowgirls serial

              Episode 24

              After the Easter stunt, Kim stayed away from dressing for me the rest of the spring - on camera, that is. Some private viewings were unavoidable, but not unappreciated.
              The next suit she put on for the show was part of the character, and the shirt was undone anyway. This is where we're gonna do a little callback - see, I don't usually plant stuff if I don't plan on returning to it, and you're about to hear what she did with her Christmas present. (Well, ok, I didn't write about our little role-playing session as the Frozen heroines, but that happened off-camera anyway. The Elsa dress fetched a nice price though once Kim felt done with it.)
              As you might recall a certain animated series had struck her fancy, and since the second season was about to drop she wanted to tell people what a great show She-Ra was. That's why she'd been saving up her outfit for the occasion.
              But clothing alone wouldn't be enough and Kriss retained the services of Mrs. Hewitt, the friendly neighborhood stylist, to make sure the face painting wouldn't be too cringy. Louise was happy about the challenge and smiled at the reference pics.
              "Pretty straightforward except for the color. You want realistic freckles or just a few dots on each side?"
              "Something in between maybe?" Kim said. "Like realistic dots?"
              "I'll see what I can do."
              She could do plenty, and before long her customer rivalled any professional cosplayer in looks. Lou had painted parts of her eyelids to enlarge the eyes and along with the sclera lenses the effect was uncanny. Finding yellow cat's eyes might not have been too hard, but I had no idea where Kim had scored the blue one. It looked great - if weird - at any rate. Though I wondered how she was going to be able to handle anything with those black claws glued onto her nails. The thin driving gloves were just for show - leather ones would leave her pretty much incapable of what she'd planned. Luckily only her face, neck and hands were showing as orange body paint was mandatory and more would have been a job and a half.
              With the tail in place she bore more than a passing resemblance to the cartoon character and I took a few stills to send Mandy - she loves stuff like that. Then it was, as they say, showtime.

              I had a few doubts when entering the studio. Thus far we'd only been moderately eccentric in dressing the presenter and this was a rather radical leap. I was sure some viewers would love it, but it might seem off to the ones expecting the usual stuff. Just to make sure I'd included a perennial favorite, so the backdrop held enough decorative balloons to hint at a work in progress. A few empty ones were left on the desk as a half-promise.
              As we were filming ahead of time Kim wasn't entirely truthful when she said season two of the featured animation premiered today, but the uploading delay would take care of that. She did a small recap of the premise with just enough spoilers to make it sound interesting without ruining any surprises and then went on to comment on her current getup. She also described how the show was very different from the 1980's original and how that one related to Masters of the Universe, both being little more than prolonged toy commercials back then.
              "Can't say the shops are overflowing with merchandise for this one", she said, which was more of an observation than a complaint. Action figures would probably be marketable, but I suspected a full-size inflatable unicorn might be pushing it.
              "I really like the reboot", she confessed, "and getting into character like this was pretty fun."
              That was a major step forward - as you've seen it's enough of a struggle getting her to state preferences in private. Studying her nail extensions might have been an excuse to look away from the camera.
              "There's just one drawback with claws and that is you can't handle any fragile objects. Or tie a bow, for that matter" she added, fingering her undone neckwear. "If you don't believe me, watch this."
              She picked up a red 12-incher and began inflating it, making me wonder how many watchers just had a secret dream come true. Then that bubble burst along with the balloon as the sharp things at her fingertips punctured it. She tried again with a pink one, holding it up with her palms alone. Trying to tie it off had the inevitable effect, of course, and she threw away the pieces in a huff and folded her arms. It was a great sulk, and also kept her from noticing someone in a red jacket coming into view behind her back and taking a white latex pouch from the bag.
              The camera zoomed out to reveal Kriss doing some cosplaying of her own, managing a passable impression of the show's protagonist and blowing up the balloon like it was nothing.
              The sound made Kim spin around in surprise, clenching her teeth at the sight. "You always have to be better, right?"
              Straight after that accusation the catgirl checked herself and put on an air of superiority. "Hey Adora", she sneered. "Where are your friends?"
              "I thought we used to be friends", Kriss said as she knotted the loon. "Maybe we could again?" Then she handed it over as some kind of peace offering and Kim automatically started to accept it. Their eyes met over the inflated rubber and both froze in one of the best displays of gay panic I've ever seen. Suddenly Kim turned away with a scowl and dug her claws in to pop the balloon.
              "Just go! It's not like I need these stupid things anyway."
              Kriss began reaching out for her. "But I thought you said..."
              It was here I planned to put the 'fair use' clause to good use and insert the shot of animated Catra going wide-eyed with delight while exclaiming "Adora, I need to blow something up!"
              Oddly appropriate for our usual fare.
              "Well, I was lying, obviously!", Kim jeered. "Just leave! It's what you do, isn't it?"
              Kriss hung her head, slinking away as Kim ran a hand through her wig and faced the camera.
              "Anyway, why not check out a couple of episodes for yourselves? The first three should be enough to hook you and that's just an hour of runtime. Probably less than it'll take me to finish that."
              She waved a paw at the background balloons and reached for a fresh one, blowing in a huge breath before looking back at the camera. "Don't worry, I'm gonna win in the end. You'll see in the next episode."
              Then she went back to inflating the balloon and kept going until it exploded, leaving me plenty time to fade out. I thought showing the neck starting to grow would be great to prove she could make them full-sized, but an entire btp would kinda defeat her point. Anyway, that was a matter for editing.
              Kim removed the claws for the subscriber vid but as her nails were painted black it wasn't very noticeable. This time she was shown in full figure with the tail actually visible.
              "Stupid Adora and her stupid sword", she muttered. "Bet I could make one just as good."
              Digging into her jacket pocket she took out a silvery sculpting balloon and focusing fully on the thin latex blew it up all the way. She tied the loon off, folded it in half and made a neat spiral before twisting the ends into tiny bubbles that wrapped around each other. She then inflated a golden twin to the first but not quite as much and twirled the bottom part into a hilt before tying the tip to it. The resulting hoop was pushed into a crossguard made up by two petal-like loops and fastened to the knot. Then the blade's small bubbles were attached to the center and Kim straightened everything out as well as she could. No one would be hurt by that weapon, but it was obvious what it was supposed to be.
              "A-ha!" the catgirl exclaimed, waving the sculpture in front of her. "Now let's see who's the best!"
              A smirk at the viewers finished the segment. She nailed it in a single take, but trust me, if you'd seen her practice over the months you might not be impressed. You wouldn't believe how many she messed up, or popped, or both out of frustration along the way. In fact, there had been times I'd doubted she'd ever pull it off. Kim had thought the whole thing up herself so all I could do was encourage her. It was at least as good a skit as any I could have devised - though of course I didn't mention the inevitable consequences should she succeed. I'll get back to those in a bit.

              Kriss had been watching the proceedings from the sidelines and looked more sad than awed. I guessed she was still playing the part, for whatever reason. Maybe she knew me enough to know what I'd say.
              "All right, the two of you need to kiss and make up. Right. Now."
              It wasn't as much direction as permission. They slipped into each other's arms and began snogging so hard and so long they ran out of breath. Then went right back to it.
              Lex smiled at the unofficial sequel. "Better watch now 'cause we're never gonna see that on TV."
              That was for sure, even if I agreed those girls would be much better off doing that than fight all the time. But kid's programming it wasn't. The slow, tender licks and caresses Kriss and Kim gave each other would be pushing it even with higher ratings.
              I drew the line at letting them have sex in character, though. I was sure fanfic writers already had that covered.
              But after taking off some stuff...well, that was another thing.

              As for the real show, we binged all the new episodes on release and Kim was disappointed there were only seven of them.
              "Call that a full season?"
              "Maybe it just means the other half will drop quicker."
              "It'd better."
              I could understand her impatience as Catra had been left in dire straits, but at least we got to see Lex gape in amazement. Turned out you can be gay on Y7 shows, at least if you're a fully grown dad.
              "That was a new take on coming out", she said, rather pleasantly surprised.
              Kriss was more amused by the nods to the 80's version, which it turned out she hadn't watched as a girl but looked up after seeing the new one. I had done the same, of course, though only for research purposes. I'd been more into other cartoons all those years ago.
              "I wonder what modernized 'Gummi Bears' would be like", I said half to myself - and that 'half' proved a mistake as Kriss immediately began singing the theme tune.
              "No! Don't!"
              But it was too late. Soon we were all crooning along and I had the bloody thing stuck in my head for days. And yet I would riot if they changed it in a reboot.

              Let's stop for a look at viewer reactions. Doctor Kimber's ten-step-plan got more praise than I'd anticipated and one fella said it had spurred him on to finally try a blow to pop like he'd planned for some time. "Made me shit bricks but I didn't want to feel less brave than you. Gonna try a bigger one next time!"
              Others requested private consultations, but I told them she was booked solid for the next fifty years. And as per usual, I'm leaving out the stuff not fit to print.
              Among the gazillion or so 'Happy Easter' greetings one comment stood out:
              'My wife hated the egg trick. Is it ok if I leave her for you?'
              Kim almost choked on her laugh and wiped her eyes. "I'm no home wrecker but if someone's dumb enough to do that for real..."
              "Maybe we should start adding a 'Don't try this at home' disclaimer", I suggested.
              Alex nodded. "Might have to."
              Though Kim's ego wasn't really puffed up until we got to the member comments on the rabbit. 'Disbelief' was the general theme, like "How the HELL did you do that?" or the more subdued "Well done - I haven't managed it myself yet".
              And once again, a mix of what people had done while watching (understandable) and what they wanted to do (also understandable, but kinda inconsiderate to mention).
              As for her Catra impersonation the responses ranged from indifferent to positive to ecstatic. The most memorable one was the cartoon fan who wrote that he would like to see the character herself being blown up like a big balloon - the memorable part being Lexi's reaction.
              "A clear case of your-kink's-not-my-kink-but-your-kink's-ok", she giggled, "but how would that be done? A hose up the ass?"
              Kriss supplied a visual. "Maybe you blow into the tail!"
              I can't say I've spent many moments thinking about such things but I suddenly imagined the catgirl getting grabbed by her worst enemy/best friend and ignominiously inflated that way before being carried off the battlefield in triumph. With the tail doubling as a string to hold her by, because everyone knows in cartoons all balloons have helium. It was that picture that made me spill my coffee.
              "Adora would never do that", Kim said. "She'd be so sad if she popped!"
              A vision of a teary-eyed She-Ra surveying the scattered remnants had me howling with mirth. Yes, I'm a monster. If you've wondered what it takes to make me truly lose it, there's your answer. It doesn't particularly have to include exploding furries, but it must be completely outrageous.
              "There, there", Kriss reassured her in a soothing voice. "She'd just magic her together somehow and blow her back up. Mouth to mouth."
              Something about the way she said those last words made Kim react. "You root for them too?"
              "'Course. Catradora for the win."
              Kim pressed her eyes shut. "I ship them so hard."
              Poor Kimmy. Hoping for same-sex couples to end up together is usually a recipe for heartbreak - even on shows for grown-ups. I was certain they'd reconcile, though.

              But back to the comments - exactly as I had privately foreseen, people started to ask if she did birthday parties, one even offering her an outrageous sum to show up in character. While that was an obvious no-go, it did give me an idea. By chance Kim had discovered two fellow fans - the Holsteins' twin girls - playing She-Ra after a wild chase spilled onto the pavement and in the way of her jogging trip. She'd asked if they liked the show too and they certainly did. Even though they were closer to the actual demographic she'd returned home feeling a lot better for not being alone. (She's great with children and I leave it to your judgement if it's a matter of mindset or maturity.)
              Since we knew the family well enough to bring gifts for the double birthday, I decided to volunteer Kim's and Kriss services for the party. As a small payback for what they were about to make, or, well, heavily encourage me to do. I was sure Lou wouldn't mind another under-the-table paycheck, especially now that she knew the drill.
              While Mrs. Holstein was very happy about the suggestion and the pressganged performers didn't protest, one obstacle remained. I had to make sure Kriss didn't get herself a state-of-the-art She-Ra costume.
              "It's overkill and you're too old to get away with that skirt. But if you wanna match you could wear a dress like the one in the party episode."
              Actually my easiest persuasion ever. She saw reason, for once, and getting hold of a high-necked sleeveless gown of an approximate color and cut was far easier and cheaper than her usual purchases. She did drop a few bucks on a new hairpin, but that was peanuts in comparison.
              Me and Lex were of course invited to socialize which would make keeping an eye on the others easy. Left on their own things have a tendency to get out of hand.

              As I'm sure you've gathered I'm skipping ahead here - about a month had passed before the next bit happened. But I feel it pairs nicely with the last one.
              I had just finished dressing and gathering up what I needed when I met Alex in the hallway. She had put on her most girlish wig and a lovely champagne-colored dress, fitting the princess theme to a tee. A thin tiara completed that look and she looked almost radiantly happy at the chance to wear stuff like that.
              Me, well, I wore a dress too. But instead of neat little purse or handbag I had a flat canvas satchel with side pockets hanging from my shoulder. I was in charge of the party supplies, or to be precise, the balloons. It made me feel oddly prepared.
              I wasn't quite prepared for the sight of Kriss and Kim in their festive finery, though. Louise had earned her keep that day as the makeup was flawless. The feline paintjob was as impressive as before but as we would be around actual people there were some subtle changes. While Kim was obviously disguised as a fantasy character the unearthly aspects had been toned down - instead of weirdly cartoony she looked sleek and suave. The lustrous weave of her shirt reminded me it must have been an expensive one.
              Another difference took some time to pin down, and then I realized she'd brushed the lush mane as it looked somewhat less unkempt. And shampooed it, if the faint, heady scent was anything to go by. I was nearly as mesmerized as Lex, who seemed about five seconds from messing up Lou's handiwork.
              Kriss looked fabulous too, but I'm biased about that. She went up and very demonstratively buttoned Kim's shirt all the way before fashioning her tie into an immaculate bow. The wearer glanced my way.
              "Note I'm not doing anything, boss."
              "But did you put her up to it?"
              "Nope - all me", Kriss admitted as she straightened the results. "Just had to see what it'd look like."
              Pretty damn good, but a little too prim and proper for the wildcat.
              "I actually liked it better the other way. But I'm glad I got to see it. Been wondering too."
              "Well, duh", Kim grinned. "Only reason I didn't try before is because you're not a fur-fan."
              Maybe not completely true, considering the sight in front of me. It was still perfectly fine after she'd undone the knot and the top buttons.
              We walked over, because who takes the car for two blocks? Kim said she wished we were headed for a ball but Kriss replied she would have to wait until we got back home. I was more curious about what kind of reactions we'd get and had some small second thoughts about the whole thing. But it was too late to back out now.

              The adults were suitably impressed and/or amused, but the children in the back yard were outright amazed at the paintjob. They probably would have been no matter who'd Kim been impersonating if that much work had gone into it, but the twins and maybe some of the others of course had a particular fondness.
              Mommy Holstein - Trish - seemed pretty excited about presenting the newcomers as 'Adora and Catra from She-Ra'. She said a few other words too but it was bit cringy, as speeches to children tend to be. Kim sorta normalized it.
              "Not really", she said, "but we're pretending. You wanna play pretend too?"
              There were yaaay's, no more or less than I'd hoped for.
              "We brought some things to help!" Kim went on and snapped her fingers. I handed Kriss enough balloons to get started and she passed a few on to the cat person. It wasn't long before they'd blown up and twisted a sword for each of the birthday girls.
              "We've got more than enough for everyone", Kriss said. "We'll just put them here and you can get'em when ready." She turned to Lex. "Know a good way to decide who's next?"
              "Let's play a guessing game", Alex suggested. "First right answer gets a sword."
              That had been planned, of course. Squabbles are so bad for the ambience.
              Kim was already working on the second blade so the questioning began at once.
              "What's the name of She-Ra's horse?"
              Someone called out 'Swift Wind' and was directed to come forward. Then something for those who didn't watch the show.
              "How many were the three little pigs? Stop, wait! Silly me. But how did the big bad wolf try to get them?"
              "He huffed and he puffed and he blew the house down!"
              Well, there was a hint right in front of them. Lexi went on with general trivia mixed with occasional ones from the theme. There could have been fifteen, maybe twenty kids and that meant it didn't take too long to arm everyone.
              But one boy looked like he was about to cry and I gently took him aside.
              "Hey there. What's your name? I'm Cherry."
              "Johnny", he said forlornly.
              "I know that look because I've seen it before. You think balloons are scary, don't you?"
              He nodded. "When they pop. I don't like when they pop."
              "They sure can be loud. See the big gal there?" I jerked a thumb towards Lex, all six foot of her and with her muscular arms clearly displayed. "She used to be too. Scared of sudden noises, I mean. Can you believe it?"
              Johnny didn't reply but it looked like he couldn't.
              "I knew there might be someone around who didn't like balloons so I brought something else."
              Reaching into my bag I pulled out something flat and unfolded it. I'd spent some time cutting shields from thin gilt cardboard and painted a bright blue circle in the middle. Black sharpie lines radiated from that and I'd even glued simple handles in the same material to the back. Now you know why I felt prepared. The crease down the front didn't spoil the look much and even made it easier slipping an arm into the makeshift straps. After figuring out the design it was a couple minutes work, so I'd made five.
              "Would you like this instead? It'll protect you from all those."
              His eyes lit up. "Yess! Thankyou!"
              Now fully equipped he rejoined his friends, causing a small stir.
              "Where d'ya get that?"
              "Cool!"
              "I wanna shield too!"
              "Sure", I said, "but then you have to trade in your sword. She-Ra never has both at once."
              The offer was declined, but two other little visitors took me up on it. I was happy to see there were both kinds, though mostly because my work hadn't been in vain.
              Kim and Kriss weren't working in vain either. ‘Course, one or two balloons burst during the transformation but overall they managed nicely. After the last child had been served one of the twins came up to them - I'd learned to tell the girls apart by now so I knew it was Sally who approached.
              "That really you, Kimmy?"
              "Yeah, but don't tell. Let'em figure out for themselves."
              The cosplayers kept inflating and twisting swords, building up an impressive arsenal on the table for when the first ones inevitably popped or, more likely, fell apart.
              I said I was prepared? Well, I can't think of everything but luckily I had backup. Having nothing else to do Lex took a balloon of each color and blew them up nearly all the way before knotting them and twisting the ends together. She made two gold segments to form a peak and then fiddled around a bit to fasten it to the silver base - I didn't quite follow how she did it but I could guess where she was going. She repeated it two more times, sealed off the leftover gold tip and punctured it somehow - I think she made a tiny bubble to pop and then untwisted it to let the rest out. She measured the long part against her head and wrapped it in place before once more getting rid of the leftover. And whaddya know, it was a perfectly serviceable crown. I whistled.
              "Ok, how many have you made without telling?"
              "Oh, about as many as blondie's swords. Princesses need crowns, dontcha think?"
              "Wish I had. Hope there's enough loons though."
              "Don't worry, I brought extra."
              By now the headgear had been noticed and Lexi was already on her second one when the first request came. As the entire crowd was pretty much running around there was no need for a queue - at least at first. But everyone who wanted got outfitted without too much chaos. And best of all, the crowns were unisex. Lexi made a few spares and blew one up for me as well. Can't say it looked fetching but it was a sweet gesture.

              Not everyone was impressed of course, and one boy in particular said he didn't care much for princesses.
              "Bet you don't even know how to fight."
              Ah, to be young and innocent and not knowing Kriss. She can find a challenge in anything, and an implication like that naturally took zero effort. Her only reply was jumping Kim to bowl her over, and I choose to believe she was fully aware Lexi's self-defense lessons would kick in. The victim landed on her back with more grace than I could ever hope for while pulling her legs up under her assaulter. She threw Kriss over her head, flipping her around in the process and before you knew it they were laying head to head on the ground. The cheering was as noisy as you'd expect.
              Kim rose and dusted herself off. "You're no good without that sword, are you?"
              A girl went to offer Kriss her weapon as she was getting up, probably hoping for a real battle. I put a stop to those shenanigans.
              "You oughta be ashamed of yourselves, making such a racket."
              Since you never know when they're needed, I'd stocked my supply with regular balloons as well. I took out two, a purple and a red.
              "There are better way to settle things. Why don't you see who can blow up one of these the fastest?"
              "Sure", Kriss said, looking all cocky. "I didn't have all the air knocked out of me."
              Kim was - or made a good show of being - unfazed by the scuffle. "Yeah, lots of hot air in there."
              I turned to the children. "I probably should say that the only way to win is to blow it full of air, in fact so full it pops. Otherwise you could just blow it up a little and say you've won. Don't be afraid, it's okay to cover your ears. And if it's still too scary I'm sure no one will mind if you go around the house until it's over."
              I saw Johnny sidle away with what appeared like a grateful expression. Others were laughing and putting their fingers in position to block any noise.
              I counted the combatants in and they set about it with full force. The balloons were only twelve-inchers, but to a kid used to nine or tens they could probably appear huge. And huge they got, blown up all the way with necks fully inflated and bobbing up and down from the lips wrapped around them.
              Someone called out "Come on, Catra!" and Kim didn't disappoint. With a huge puff she blew her balloon apart and in the open air it made more of a 'paf' than a 'pop'. There were cheers but no applause because you can't clap hands pressed to the sides of your face, and since Kriss was still holding an explosion waiting to happen they weren't about to come down. But one breath later that too was history and the audience was both impressed and relieved. I wondered if they really imagined my friends being the originals and smiled at the thought of those settling their differences in this manner. That would be one hell of a surprise episode.

              I went to find Johnny and tell him the danger had passed. He was more of a trooper than I'd feared, sitting with his ears covered but otherwise pretty calm. I patted his shoulder and ushered him back, walking beside him all the way. We passed a girl who seemed in the middle of a minor sulk and I asked if something was wrong.
              "I think Catra cheated", she said. "She-Ra would have won."
              That would have been in character but I believed Kriss had played her part too. "I think She-Ra would win every fight if she didn't hold back. I think she doesn't wanna hurt Catra."
              "Me too", the girl gasped as if she'd finally found someone who understood.
              "I didn't see any cheating, but if anyone did it was Adora. You can cheat to lose too, you know."
              "I knew it", she muttered and the bad mood was gone.
              "Your crown's slipping", I said. "Let me fix it."
              One quick adjustment later we were ready to rejoin our respective crowds. The games were getting a bit rowdy so I thought a little friendly advice was in order.
              "Remember", I called, "it's not nice chasing someone who's afraid of balloons with them. And if they pop them it counts as self-defense."
              Kim spontaneously grabbed a spare sword from the table and held it to Lexi's chest. Her wife merely glared in return, grabbed the blade with a strong fist and squeezed until it burst. The assailant stared in disbelief at the now rather useless hilt while Alex completely ignored her.
              "I used to be jumpy too", she grinned. "But it's not so bad when you know it's coming."
              The illustration might have had an effect and it might not. But I felt I'd done my part.
              Or part of it - I still had to mingle, chat with other grownups, keep an eye on the other grownups - you know the drill. But I had a good time so I wouldn't call it taxing.
              At the very edge of my vision I saw Kim sneaking up behind me and I might not have noticed if a few kids hadn't been trailing her. I feigned ignorance while something was pilfered from the bag and then walked off at what I judged the correct moment. Turning around would have spoiled their fun, but the reflection in the patio door showed me everything. The little ones looked on excitedly as 'Catra' blew up a round pink balloon and used my magic marker to draw an unflattering doodle of a ponytailed face on it. Then she gave a wicked grin and sunk her nails into the globe. I could definitely imagine her cartoon counterpart doing the same, and so could Kim's followers if I read their reactions right. I counted the plants in a flowerbed to give her a chance to return the pen but they must have thought me deaf if they believed I wouldn't hear the giggles.

              So the party seemed to run along nicely and we even got to sample the refreshments a bit. Trish once more reassured us the performance was more than enough of a gift.
              I nodded politely. "If nothing else it saves wear and tear on clowns."
              "Never could stand them myself", she said. "Been scared shitless since I was little, pardon the language."
              I noted that it would be doubly bad for those afraid of balloons as well and she agreed.
              "Great idea to think of an alternative. The shields, I mean. By the way, can I have one of those?"
              She nodded towards the rubber necks sticking out of my bag and I said sure and gave her one.
              "I hear they're hard to inflate. Thought I'd see for myself."
              She made a valiant attempt but the balloon won out. Though not before making her face scrunch up, puff out and generally distort with the effort.
              "Whew! They sure are. Is there a trick to it?"
              "Well", I said, stretching one as carelessly as I could, "mostly it's about forcing the pressure the right way."
              Then I blew it up in one go while hoping she wouldn't ask how long I'd struggled to learn. I let the air back out and handed it over.
              "Try now - they're much easier after being softened up."
              She looked hesitant but gave it a go and I have to admire her tenacity - after ten seconds of no progress she managed to blow it up just a bit and gave a triumphant little laugh. Another eager inhale went into the latex and bit by bit Trish blew up the entire twister. But she used too much force and too little care and added just a little too much air. The balloons snapped to bits in her face and proved she wasn't afraid of popping, at least. Another mother in attendance jumped and yelped, though.
              "Oops! Guess I got carried away!" Trish observed with glee.
              I gave her a generous handful. With Lexi's additions we had plenty to spare.
              "Something to practice with. There are video tutorials online."
              "Oh, thank you! I think I just might. Would be a pretty cool skill to have."
              No argument there. "If you have a pump you could stretch them out with it first."
              She seemed excited at the suggestion and said she'd definitely try that. Then the talk strayed to other things until I noticed little Johnny kicking at the lawn all by himself.
              "It's no fun being scared when no one else is", he replied to my concerns.
              "Sure ain't. But I know a way to be less scared and that's playing pretend. Wanna give it a try?"
              He hesitated but followed me. I rounded up as many others as I could along the way because I thought it'd be a good lesson. Yeah, yeah, I know I'm not great with kids but I do know how to address a crowd. Somewhat.
              It was far easier gathering my cohorts and the sight of them joining forces attracted the rest of the kids. I called out a question.
              "Any of you think it's no fun when a balloon pops? I don't mean balloons you play with, because it's never fun when those break."
              Unless you're all grown up and doing grown-up things.
              "I mean the noise! When something goes bang and you're not ready and you sorta jump, right?"
              There was enough agreement for me to feel understood.
              "The reason clowns and balloon sellers and others don't jump it's because they're used to it. Bet you anything they too jumped at the start. Can't you just see it?"
              At least some could because they laughed - or it could just be me making a fool of myself. Anyway, I went on:
              "I don't know if you heard what Lexi here said but when you know a balloon is about to pop it's a good time to practice. And it's ok to get scared! Like with firecrackers? The fun thing is that they go bang, right? A fun kind of scare."
              Johnny nodded. "Yeah, I'm not so 'fraid of them."
              "So let's pretend?" I fished out another 12-incher and gave it to Kriss with a private aside. "Okay, 'Adora', time for you to shine."
              Turning back to the children I raised my voice a bit to be heard. "Now, imagine the balloon is a firecracker and the air going in is the fuse. Shall we wait for it to explode together? Cover your ears as much as you like or get to a safe distance, but try to look, okay? We can all yell when it pops!"
              There was much cheering and while Johnny stood back by the fence with fingers in his ears, he was watching.
              "All right! GO!"
              Kriss must have been caught up in the kiddie talk because she did her best to make it look comic. Holding the loon's neck with both hands and inhaling loudly before every whooshing puff she inflated the balloon at a very moderate speed, for her. It grew about as quickly as it would for a normal person blowing with all their might. The bulging cheeks were funny enough, and that her eyes were wide open and rolling with every breath only added to the impression. Towards the end she even made it look like they crossed from sheer effort. Whether the nearly hysterical laughter from the children was caused by the sight or the fright didn't matter - they clearly enjoyed the whole thing nearly as much as the balloon lady herself.
              Now, Kriss is a terrific musician but as an actress she has some way to go. And one of her main weaknesses is sometimes making no distinction between doing something and pretending to. I'd thought, I dunno, throwing up her arms and dropping her jaw all the way would have been enough to emphasize the explosion, but...
              I can understand her not seeing Lexi standing behind her with a plate of ice cream cake. I can fully understand why Lex would think it the safest place, what with Kriss bending forward so much with each puff.
              What I cannot grasp is what my nitwit wife hoped to accomplish by jumping a couple of feet backwards at the pop and keep on staggering - or how Alex failed to dodge her. She did catch the blonde, but the cake was caught inbetween.
              Well, I'm not sure we cured little Johnny but at least we made him laugh - along with most everyone else - and if he grows up with a fascination for dessert smashing it's no worse than one for balloons.
              But you should quit while you're ahead and there would be no topping that, so we made sure there were enough spare swords and crowns to last the afternoon and thanked our hosts for a lovely party.

              Back home Kim wasted no time.
              "Now, about that dance..."
              Without warning she grabbed Kriss and dipped her. It was a good and deep one, and her partner knew the right response. She raised and pressed her thigh against Kim's crotch and got the kiss Kim insisted should have happened in the show. Now, I'm all about making up for lost opportunities but I felt a twinge of envy. So did Alex, as she demanded the same. I followed her example and we all ended up slow dancing, and if Kim wasn't purring she might as well have been. Tempting as it was I didn't yank her tail but fondled her ass instead and that was evidently the final straw.
              "How can I get this off quick enough?"
              The answer was naturally a hot tub session for four, followed by something nice to eat.
              Dinner had to be postponed, of course.

              Comment

              • Harley
                Senior Member
                • Jan 2016
                • 269

                #37
                Re: ON THE AIR with Kimber - a Blowgirls serial

                All right - time for another two-parter. The last time I had to split one was for Ms. Kimber's Balloonology lesson, and whaddya know, she's back to tackle the history of pool toys. Hence the length.

                Episode 25, part 1

                We now - yet again - return to our regular programming. Kimber looked unusually nondescript clothing-wise for the next couple of shows, particularly in comparison to the one I just described. And to the one we recorded for May the Fourth, AKA Star Wars day. For once I won't quote the script, because if you like that franchise you'll already know more than me and might nitpick, and if you don't it won't interest you anyway.
                What might interest either party is that she went the cosplay route again, dressing up in a gold bikini and wearing her hair in a Leia braid (the 'Return of the Jedi' style, not the iconic buns). After finishing a recap of the first movie she stated that anyone could blow up the Death Star, proving it by inflating a beach ball printed to look like the space station and placing it on the desk as a themed prop for the rest of the episode.
                She actually reused it for the subscriber’s vid.
                "I know filling this with air isn't what 'blowing up the Death Star' means. So I thought I'd make it explode as well."
                She pulled out the valve, opened it and placed it between her lips. Then the viewers got treated to the sight of an unusually blonde space princess straining so hard to burst the ball with her breath she turned red-faced, and her cheeks - all of her head, really - looked ready to explode too before she was done. But eventually the vinyl sphere gave up and split open with pretty terrific pop.
                "There! May the Fourth be with you!"
                I can reveal that was the fourth take as well - Kim actually has to give up and catch her breath some times. But her vain struggles made some really funny outtakes for the members, especially the one where she went knock-kneed and staggered while the air went around the nozzle in wheezing hisses and farts.
                If that hadn't ruined the flow by itself, my laugh certainly did the trick. Though I was certain any of those scenes would be enough for some fans to unsheathe their lightsabers, so to speak. I was definitely more than a little hot and bothered as shows of strength like that turns me on like all hell. But it was ok, since I got to make out with and make love to her in costume right away. That bed was a nice investment.

                I'm getting the reactions out of the way at once. Apart from the obvious puns on how much force she had to use there was quite a bit of fanboying, and three pre-orders on the outfit if it ever went up for sale. We could probably auction it off provided it was repaired.
                Plus a 'Can you do it as Ahsoka Tano too?' There's no pleasing some people.

                The reason I sorta hurried through the above is that the fourth of May marked the start of another project, involving me personally. The two-month countdown to Independence Day, by which Dodo the dino would have to be fully inflated. By mouth and by yours truly.
                I've already covered that at some length elsewhere so we won't go there again, though it gave Kriss an excuse to sort through the other inflatables in her sample boxes. Yes, a thirty foot Brontosaurus is not precisely a pool toy, but you get the idea. She enlisted Lexi to help her blow them all up for inspection and they seemed to have so much fun puffing away Kim was in a huff for not being invited to play. Kriss said she could have any and all of them for the show and the presenter countered with that not being the point.
                "I wanna blow some together with you."
                That scored her a big hug. "Oh Kimmy, I just wanted to show you all the options! So you could choose the ones you wanted after seeing them."
                "Watching them fill up is half the fun, especially when you do it yourself. And with the ones you love."
                "Go get one of those thingies then - we'll wait! But hurry."
                'Those thingies' were adapters, not unlike the ones used for bicycle pumps. They were just tapering tubes, thin enough to fit through the nozzle and bypass the tab keeping air from escaping. What remained outside was just two inches of plastic pipe to blow through and they made inflation an absolute cinch. I watched them happily puff away on their playthings, effortlessly blowing flat plastic into fat, shiny, wonderful shapes.
                There were swim rings with all kinds of things sticking out, boats, mattresses, chairs, giant pool floats with animal heads and of course ride-on critters or vehicles. Most were definitely oversized but two of them defied common sense. I couldn't believe Puffco's generosity but naturally it would cost them nothing to give away leftovers from trial runs. It was a win-win for them should Kriss happen to tweet or Instagram herself with one. We'd never gone into the latter, but still.
                The biggest ones were a wolf and a dragon and if you're not into huge inflatables you'd probably never believe the size. It was heartwarming to watch my mates take turns blowing into them to give each other a chance to rest and make the inflation as swift and effortless as possible. As opposed to mine, which would last a bit longer, but I'd be taking my sweet time anyway.
                After each was done I was called over to admire their work and try riding the airy beasts. Sitting astride the dragon was fun, but I was wary of the wolf since canines happen to be one of my few fears. Though it looked so toy-like it was hard to work up a good scare - it's decidedly difficult to be frightened by a glorified pool toy. It was more imposing than anything else. Remembering that a good stab would transform it into a sad deflated heap of vinyl helped too - and that it had started out that way before the three lovely ladies had decided to breathe life into it. (Or more accurately 'blow furiously', but it sounds less poetic.)
                "The dragon's on" Kim stated. "Can you write something about fairy tales?"
                I made an exasperated face. We had after all put on a production aptly named 'AIRy Tales'.
                "I'll do you one better and cover the fantasy genre." Which would make it natural to do science fiction as well at some point. Always nice to think of new themes.
                We had quite an amazing collection of inflated plastic covering the lawn, but the not-so-inflated form of Dodo dwarfed it all. Would be unwise to leave them outside though as a sudden gust of wind could make them go all over the place or escape into a neighboring garden. I wasn't keen on having to explain why a sudden turtle had wreaked havoc on some plantation or other.
                As no one was in the mood to deflate anything we carried the whole lot into the pool house. Then came the not-so-surprising discovery that the bigguns wouldn't fit through the door, so plugs had be pulled and the creatures ridden down to a more manageable size. Let me tell you that a half-inflated wolf is not nearly as menacing as a full-blown one.
                Kriss announced that the beachballs were still in the box where they'd been left for not being novel enough, but we should really have a look at them too. So we all sat down together and blew up every single one to compare sizes and prints. One rolled into the pool and as Lexi went to fish it out Kim kicked another straight at her butt, which took her by such surprise she fell in headfirst and had to be rescued. Or strictly speaking could have climbed out just fine, but making the perpetrator drag her ashore and give her mouth to mouth was a suitable punishment.
                "This is my favorite inflatable", Kim said between playfull puffs.
                So Kriss very badly acted falling in herself and was sorely disappointed when I started on chest compressions.
                "Haven't you heard?" I told her. "Artificial respiration is no longer recommended."
                "Not even when people aren't breathing?" she said and stopped.
                I relented after forty seconds or so. Such recommendations don't apply to foreplay.
                Because that's what it was. All those inflatables had to be tested for every kind of use, right?

                I'm happy to report the pool toys were of excellent quality and passed quite severe stress tests, but advised Kriss she'd maybe better not tell Puffco about them.
                "Yeah, but I'm getting some more to try!"
                Would be hard writing them off as business expenses even if they were featured on the show, but a few toys wouldn't break the bank.
                In the next shooting session Kim officially declared beach season to be open by appearing in a swimsuit and sunglasses and starting the episode by putting the final breaths into a two-foot beachball of the traditional kind with red, blue, yellow and white panels. As per usual, the full inflation would be available to members - just like a video of her blowing up the inflatable palm tree for the backdrop. The actual contents were more about upcoming festivals and seaside happenings, but at least kept somewhat to the theme. Right after we made another one which featured a guest appearance by Lex, and then I felt a twinge of apprehension. For once I wasn't looking forward to the next studio session.
                You might recall we had some success with Ms. Kimber telling the viewer all (or almost all) about balloons. We'd decided she would do the same with inflatables when the time came, and now it had. But even though I'd started writing well in advance, information had been hard to come by and you'll have to excuse any mistakes or gaps in the timeline. I did my best.
                Kim did too, at least in the dressing-up department. She'd gotten hold of a rather strict blue suit, naturally with a skirt instead of trousers. She contrasted it with a white shirt and a dark red tie matching her lipstick, plus a golden brooch on her lapel. Otherwise she looked just like she had done in the previous lesson, except for the drop-shaped pearl earrings.
                "Whaddya think? I tested it on Lex last night and she said it was fine."
                "I said a little more than that."
                That would explain the freshly-ironed appearance, which might be more out of necessity than a desire to look sharp. Nevertheless it was...fine with me too and made for a wonderful clash with the garish and silly props.
                First we filmed the teacher inflating the study materials and once again I was amazed at how serious and professional Kim could act when she wanted to. Not even the puffy cheeks detracted from that. While the sight of her blowing up an air mattress might have passed in any documentary, the straight-bodied shark looked far too phallic swelling up with her breath - especially at the angle she held it. And though it seemed to be nothing out of the ordinary with the water wings she blew up, turning the openings towards the camera had at least me imagining something other than arms going into them. Especially since she made them so full the sides just about met in the middle. Using one of those handy tube adapters toy after toy was methodically puffed into shape and maybe a little further, all for making the lecture more visual.
                She had more than enough examples within reach when she arranged them to stand up in some kind of excuse for an orderly fashion, until every inch of the backdrop except the sign was covered by overlapping vinyl. Then she went for a final one and it was a good thing the rest were out of the way. It was an enormous white pegasus pool float with golden wings and I was certain Ms. Kimber would fall unconscious over it before she'd even finished the bottom part. It was clear she'd blown herself dizzy but wasn't about to let such a triviality stop her. I opened a window as silently as I could to let some fresh air in, but Kim didn't seem to notice. She was so focused on inflating the float while keeping on her legs she appeared to be in a world of her own. Say what you will about her, but she's certainly dedicated to her work. And there was something...attractive about the way she just kept going and going, not minding that her earlier primness was gone with the wind. This was a woman straining to blow up an enormous and silly-looking beach toy, and while she was wearing a very businesslike suit the circumstances didn't allow for much dignity.
                I noticed the round base began to appear swollen beyond reason. Most people would have stopped once it felt somewhat firm, but for her either enough wasn't enough or she was so caught up in the moment she hadn't noticed her work was done. Eventually the pressure became too much and after actually failing to put in another breath she capped the valve and went on to the huge horse head as planned. It didn't take her long to blow it up about as much, but it was a bit of a struggle - especially towards the end. The somewhat satisfied smirk shrunk away when she discovered the wings had their own nozzles and needed to be inflated separately. Kim saw to that need admirably and as they didn't take as much air they were soon full. Not as full as the main body and head, though. They were blown amazingly tight and I almost hoped either would pop off-camera, just to see her face. It would be a blooper for the ages and serve her right for overdoing it.
                Kim dropped the facade as soon as I called cut. I hadn't seen her this woozy since the elephant incident, and then she'd actually fainted.
                "That float", she giggled. "Would it float away if filled with helium? A pe-gas-us."
                I shook my head. "You're waffling."
                "Waffles are nice", she said and fell into my arms. I led her to the window because right then it would do her more good than second-hand air. She recovered pretty quickly and once she'd looked the assembled props over and realized their collective volume she begged me for a refill. Not that we needed any excuse to kiss but she wanted a little more than just that. I stopped after a few breaths.
                "If people knew what a great inflatable you are we could sell you at Wal-Mart."
                "Less talking, more blowing", she smiled.
                But I couldn't go on. I'd been struck by a vision of a float like the one Kim had just inflated, but with the likeness of her most inane expression rising like a figurehead at the front and with gigantic blown-up boobs bobbing at the waterline. The thought had me shaking with suppressed laughter and when she asked me the matter I described the whole thing in whispers.
                "Mmm", she sighed. "That maybe could sell. What do you think the ads would look like?"
                "You blowing one up, of course. In the nude..."
                I had no doubts of it becoming a bestseller, but maybe not at that particular chain. Guys would probably get off just at the sight of it. Or rub one out between the tits. If I had one of those I'd get creative too, but I had to settle for the real deal. Bummer, right?

                I went to let the rest of the class in because no way Lex was going to miss such an ogle-worthy opportunity and Kriss probably hoped to earn some more detention. My wife blinked at the setup.
                "She blew up all of those since you got here?"
                I nodded. "Yep. Couldn't stop her and wouldn't have."
                "She should have let us help."
                "Maybe, but I think she wants to make clear Ms. Kimber prepares all the study aids herself."
                Kriss beamed. "A girl after my own heart."
                Meanwhile Lexi had been busy kissing and blowing her wife into a nice filming mood. Kim had taken off her glasses and her hair needed to be put back into place, but that was soon remedied and shooting could begin.

                Comment

                • Harley
                  Senior Member
                  • Jan 2016
                  • 269

                  #38
                  Re: ON THE AIR with Kimber - a Blowgirls serial

                  Episode 25, part 2 (continued from above)

                  “Welcome back, class. I’m Ms. Kimber and today we will cover a subject related to the season. Summer is coming and soon inflatables like these” – she indicated the props – “will be almost everywhere. But it hasn’t always been like that, so I thought it might be a good time to have a look at the history of pool toys.”
                  The teacher’s hand moved towards the puffy rectangular shape with blue and red stripes in dark hues.
                  “One of the most familiar sights on any beach is the air mattress, because it’s easy to bring along, comfortable to rest on and as an added bonus it floats. I doubt the first ones did, though, as they were made of waxed canvas. It was a 16-th century invention by a Frenchman named William Dejardin who called them ‘wind beds’, but their popularity lasted only about as long as the material. The concept resurfaced in the mid-1800´s with several accounts of mattresses made from rubber, which were filled with either water or air. I suspect the latter was more common.”
                  I stand by that. The chore and a half of moving liquid-filled ones about must have made blowing them up feel trivial in comparison.
                  “Towards the end of that century versions in rubberized canvas were marketed, and that proved a lasting solution that was dominant for almost a hundred years. Some of you might even remember them.”
                  I personally did, as my parents owned a couple from before I was born. Not to mention that Kriss had bought one off Ebay – it was in fact the very one Kim had inflated for the show.
                  “I happen to have one right here.” She brought it forward. “Note the inflation valves are part of the material – the plugs are separate but attached by string so you won’t lose them.”
                  She wiggled the T-shaped, ridged stopper loose and pulled it out of the pillow part. The contents immediately began to escape with a mighty whoosh.
                  “This means they lose air quickly, which is good for rapid deflation and bad for your sleep.”
                  She put it on the floor and out of sight. “These days another material is more prevalent – polyvinyl chloride, also known as PVC or simply vinyl. It was discovered in 1926 and if patent records are anything to go by mattresses were made from it at least as early as 1948.”
                  Kim made a very brief pause. “Another mainstay loved by young and old alike is the beach ball. It’s generally agreed the first were made by Jonathon DeLonge in 1938, but no one seems to have noted if they were of PVC. Rubber balls were available before that, at least in Britain. DeLonge’s balls were small, about the size of a hand.”
                  Even if it was a perfectly good sentence that just sounded wrong. But what the heck.
                  “They were popular from the start and bigger and bigger versions could be had since neither weight nor storage space was an issue. You took it to the beach, blew it up, and once it was time to go home you just let the air back out and folded it into your bag. Records seem very vague on further developments, but there are pin-up pictures and cartoons from the 1950’s featuring giant beach balls, so it’s probably safe to say they were available by then.”
                  Ms. Kimber surreptitiously consulted her notes. “What can be taken as a fact is that inflatable pooltoys made from ‘Vinylite’ – likely a trademarked PVC compound - were advertised throughout the first half of the 1950’s. They were mainly in the shapes of animals and boats, and wading pools for the garden were also available. Unconfirmed sources speak of PVC swim rings appearing in the late 50’s, which fits the time frame. One might suspect manufacturers didn’t see much of a market for them since both before and after that rubber inner tubes from car tires were often used for the same purpose. Here is a modern plastic example, though – they did prove very sellable.”
                  She held up a printed, multicolored specimen she’d blown up for the purpose before putting it back with the other inflatables.
                  “Now let’s look at something almost as common, but seldom used by adults.”
                  She put the pair of arm floats on the desk. “These are known as water wings, and the name carries over from an earlier model of flotation device which looked a little like a pair of wings on each side of your body. They were connected by a thin segment you were supposed to lie down on which also held the inflation valve. As opposed to with these” – she stuck a hand inside one of the armbands – “there was a risk of slipping off.”
                  I recall learning to swim using something similar but in hard plastic, with a bendy bit wrapping around the waist and the air canisters looking more like scuba tanks than wings.
                  Kim carried on with the lesson. “The first ones were patented in 1902 but made from finely wowen cotton, so I can’t imagine they held air very well. The ‘Swimeesy Buoys’ from 1907 used rubberized fabric and probably stayed inflated much longer. Different versions were in use until at least the early 1960’s, when these somewhat safer armbands we know today came on the market.”
                  I was pretty sure I’d written 1964, but her version did fine. There’d been worse deviations before – surprisingly mostly by using bigger words than I’d put down. Guess she’d overdone getting into character.
                  “The 1960s saw an overall breakthrough for vinyl inflatables – even furniture like chairs and sofas could be had in air-filled plastic. They were mostly a novelty though as they didn’t hold up very well. It’s hard to find raw data but the upshoot might be related to better and stronger ways of sealing the seams between pieces. One common method is pinch-welding - heating small folds at the edges enough to fuse them together.”
                  We were on thin ice there. That was about as far as general knowledge articles would take me so I glossed it over as much as I could. I’d certainly be told if I’d screwed up.
                  “No matter the cause, PVC pool toys in animal shapes came into widespread use. Cartoons are generally good for studying the signs of the times and blow-up toys started to feature heavily in those. For a prime example, look to a Pink Panther short called ‘Come On In, the Water’s Pink’. It certainly gives the impression of fantastic inflatables being new and having unlimited possibilities.”
                  Just so you don’t think me a cartoon encyclopedia, I tend to remember ones that make me laugh my ass off. That one luckily had – but for all I know there might be even better illustrations of the zeitgeist.
                  “From then on the innovations have mostly been in shapes, sizes and prints. One notable change was the discovery that phthalates – a then-important softener for PVC – are toxic, outright carcinogenic, which necessitated substitutes. This is why some people say the pool toys of their childhoods were softer, stretchier and smelled different. The most notable change is quite recent, though.”
                  She rose and fetched the pegasus float, which once on camera obscured most everything else on display. It naturally had to stand on its side because there was no way she could turn it around without knocking over stuff.
                  “In 2015 singer Taylor Swift shared a picture of herself on a giant inflatable swan about this size, and that sparked a public interest in similar ones. Since then sales of oversized pool toys have exploded…”
                  That was a slip – I’d written ‘increased many times over’ but you can see where she got it.
                  “…and now you can buy them most anywhere. They are often animal-themed, but various food items are common too. As a side note, this also demonstrates the impact of social media.”
                  Our own social media was unlikely to have a worldwide influence, but maybe it had affected at least a few people. I felt fairly confident about one difference and that was whoever held the camera or some other assistant had inflated Miss Swift’s swan for her with a handy compressor, while Kriss would have walked out if she hadn’t been allowed to blow it up herself. Though if the megastar did do it on her own, kudos to her.
                  Ms. Kimber pushed the pegasus out of sight again. “Now that we’ve covered theory it’s time for a practical discussion. How does the air get into these objects, and how is it kept in? The answer is of course valves. I’ve already shown a rubber design with a plastic stopper, which is the simplest version, but even the earliest water wings had metal ones. They were likely simpler than what was in use on bicycle tires but still opened by unscrewing a locknut and closed by tightening it. These probably leaked a little, but not enough to be a problem. It can be assumed variants of this was the standard until softer plastics came into use. The most common version is a small tube molded with a combined cap and stopper, like this one.”
                  She produced an uninflated swim ring with a different design than the last one and held up the relevant detail for the camera. “These days they usually feature a tab at the bottom which serves as an extra help to keep the air in – while squeezing the inflatable might potentially push the stopper out, it only closes the tab further. But it might make inflation difficult. Observe.”
                  Ms. Kimber put the mouthpiece between her lips and blew, but not much happened apart from her cheeks bulging out slightly. She puffed harder and you could hear just a little air getting forced in, though the ring remained flat.
                  “So how are you supposed to bypass that? A pump with a pointed nozzle can be used to push it aside, but you don’t always have one of those at hand. The simplest way is to pinch the valve at the bottom like this – flattening the base angles the tab inwards. Let’s see if there’s a difference, shall we?”
                  With her thumb and forefinger daintily keeping the contraption open she blew into it again, and this time you could both hear her breath rush in and see the results. She added a couple more and took the ring from her mouth.
                  “Much easier. Another technique which is especially useful when the inflatable is getting full and maybe pushing at your hand is using your teeth instead.”
                  She gave a clear demonstration of biting down carefully on the valve before blowing again to good effect.
                  “See? Not so difficult when you know how. You can also get hold of one of these, which is much easier to bring along than a pump.”
                  A brief demonstration of her adapter followed. “Simple but very efficient, and you can also use a straw of the right size. Now, to show how efficient the tab is I’m going to blow this up to capacity.”
                  This was likely the moment many had been waiting for – the strict-looking but strikingly enticing teacher inflating something fully for their enlightment. And just maybe arousal. I don’t know if you could ever describe a pool toy as being blown up in a stately manner, but Kim did her best. At any rate she forced in as much air as it could hold, and yet none escaped as she held up the pressurized torus.
                  “As long as the tab’s in place the stopper is really just a precaution. Though it also allows for this.”
                  She capped the tube and pushed it into the body of the ring, making the surface almost even.
                  “Without something to hold onto it would be difficult to pull out. But always grab the folded end” – she demonstrated – “or you might just open it and tear it off instead.”
                  She pushed the valve back in and yanked it out in the wrong manner, leaving her holding the snapped stopper.
                  “Just like that. You can still get it out, and while this part remains useable it’s also likely to be lost.”
                  She threw it over her shoulder. “That covers the basics. There are of course larger and more complicated valves but I do recommend a pump with the proper adaptor for those, if only to save time. Half of your beach time might be gone before you’ve finished blowing. But if you want to inflate them by mouth you’ll probably find that no valve is trickier to figure out than this model. One last word of advice – the warning labels are there for a reason even if they seem contradictory. While pool toys certainly are good flotation devices, you should never rely on them. They are intended as playthings, not safety measures. So have fun with them, but take care - and never go into water you can’t get out of without assistance.”
                  It became apparent the show was winding towards the end as Kim put the ring away.
                  “In this lesson we’ve focused on pool toys, but there are inflatables of interesting shapes for other uses too, which will be covered in the advanced class. A special mention has to be made of bouncy houses, as their history is better documented. They were invented in 1959 by John Scurlock, an engineer making inflatable tennis court covers who discovered what fun his employees seemed to have bouncing on them. So he devised something he called a ‘Space Pillow’ – it was the space age after all – which had no walls or safety devices but still proved popular. From there the concept developed into the house-like jumping playgrounds we know today. But since they are much, much larger than anything we’ve talked about here an industrial-grade compressor is needed to fill up and keep them in shape. Only a complete airhead would attempt to inflate one of those by mouth.”
                  That last remark was a private addition by Kim, likely a playful jab at Betty who’d once done exactly that. A small one, but nevertheless a bouncy castle. I mused Kim was a fine one to talk since Dodo was considerably bigger, but either she considered herself an airhead or made a distinction between dinosaurs and castles. There really should be one anyway.

                  Ms. Kimber dismissed the class and said her usual adieus, reminding the audience of where to find said ‘advanced class’. She drank some water and then went straight on to give that one too.
                  "Since we are all consenting adults I'd like to demonstrate some inflatables not generally seen on the beach."
                  She took out a few examples straight from the novelty department of the sex shop. The packaging had been removed but the flesh-tinted plastic was was still folded the way it had been on purchase. First up was an inflatable boob, or rather a twelve-inch beachball with a round pink area around the red valve. Kim unfolded it and began to fill it with her breath. It looked like she was blowing it up through the nipple, which was oddly alluring once it got full and she had to strain to make it really tight.
                  "I'm sure you can see what this is supposed to be. They come in pairs, of course", she added and inflated the other one just as much before holding them in front of her chest.
                  "Gag gifts like these are popular for hen parties but pretty inappropriate as children's toys. And on that note..."
                  She shook out a rather large sheet of vinyl, unfolded it and paying propriety no heed began to give the giant PVC penis a blow job, so to speak. It took a while for her to bring it to size and the sight of the prim teacher nonchalantly filling up such a thing with her mouth and lung power had me biting my lip. Eventually Ms. Kimber was satisfied with the stiffness, even if it took a few more powerful puffs than strictly needed.
                  "Not a good anatomical representation. Six inches is considered average. This one measures six feet and is not recommended for general use. Of course you could ride it if you wanted, but if you bring it to the local pool the attendants might have something to say about it."
                  She leaned the huge pecker against the wall and turned her attention back to the class.
                  "Lastly we have these." She held up two rather thick plastic squares with vaguely human faces on top - a male and a female. Both were looking very surprised indeed.
                  "They usually go by the very fitting name 'blow-up dolls', so I'm going to do just that - blow up the dolls."
                  How Kim kept a straight face I'll never know, but there wasn't even a blush as she methodically inflated the the obvious sex toys, holding them with a hand on either side of their waists once they were filled enough for a good grip. She made sure the audience had a good side view, both of her face and of the male doll's blatant erection. The female dummy's oversized breasts also looked spectacular from that angle, especially since Kim blew her up until she almost burst. I was sure the tits had grown almost a cup size from the pressure. She closed the valves and put them both in as plain sight as possible.
                  "If you haven't guessed they are indeed intended for sexual intercourse. The phrase 'anatomically correct' on the packaging refers to them having actual orifices or...attachments."
                  She pulled the plastic boner back enough to make it spring into place when she let go.
                  "In other ways, not so much."
                  That was certainly true. They didn't even have any hair, just a printed approximation.
                  "If you don't need more than this they're certainly cheap dates - and easy to smuggle into hotel rooms, I hear."
                  She actually knew a bit about that. A corner of her mouth went up just a little - far less conspicuous than a wink but definitely conveying the same meaning.
                  "I hope you now have a better understanding of the possibilities with combining plastics and air. I'm afraid that's all I have for you today, but of course home studies are as always encouraged. Until next time, class dismissed."

                  I had barely turned off the recording when Kriss' hand went up. "Ms. Kimber? Exactly how does one have sexual intercourse with a blow-up doll?"
                  The teacher grinned slightly. "A very good question. I'm glad you asked." She picked up the male doll. "Let me show you."
                  The inflated man was placed on the bed and Kim turned to us.
                  "First you have to choose which part to use." She stuck a couple of fingers into its mouth and ass in turn before grabbing its cock to show us the options, then knelt beside it.
                  "I'm going with the one unique to this model."
                  Kim straddled the doll before hiking up her skirt. That she didn't wear panties was more or less a given by now. She grabbed the fake erection and started guiding it in place.
                  "The main thing is you have to do all the work yourself."
                  She sank down all the way and began gyrating her hips. This was truly the advanced advanced class and not open to the general public, though very educational. For one thing we learned how Ms. Kimber looked when getting turned on. She kept riding the doll while taking off her glasses and shaking out her hair and soon it was evident she'd either forgotten about or was ignoring her audience. Her movements became more intense as she approached a climax that had her moaning out loud for several moments and then she discovered the doll had sprung a leak. She rode the rest of the air out of it and climbed off.
                  "Something like that's luckily rare with human partners, though some relaxation is common. But blow-up dolls aren't designed to last, at least not the cheap ones."
                  Kim rose and fetched the vinyl female. "This model also has a unique feature."
                  She put it on the bed and still standing slid two digits back and forth into the 'anatomically correct' crotch. "It requires certain attachments, though. If you don't have any you will have to find a substitute."
                  Our instructor rummaged around for the strapon that had been placed in the room even before the bed was brought in and held it up for show.
                  "Of course you have to lube it a bit. Anyone got some? No?"
                  Ms. Kimber improvised by putting the shaft in her mouth and sucking for a good while. She could probably have put it inside herself for the same effect but that wouldn't have been half as suggestive and you know how she loves to tease. Once the surrogate member was wet enough she took it out and strapped it to her hips. The she picked up the lady doll and pushed it onto the stiff thing between her legs. She had to work a bit to get it fully in place and while she was at it she moved her plastic partner up and down to show one of the uses.
                  "As they don't weigh anything you can place them however you like." She lay the dummy on the desk and started thrusting and I wondered if guys really got any pleasure out of that. I know I shouldn't talk, but my dolls aren't as...unrealistic. Then I remembered 'American Pie' and thought maybe looks are irrelevant.
                  Kim moved on to the bed and demonstrated first a sitting position, then a kneeling one. The doll's legs folded obediently to accommodate and straightened out as it was laid on its back.
                  "The most popular way is the missionary, though. It's called that because missionaries told people doing it from the front is what sets us apart from animals."
                  I dunno, I'd experienced some pretty wild behavior from that side too. But I was happily surprised to hear Kim knew the etymology.
                  She knew the moves too, and put on a pretty convincing show. As the doll jerked about a bit too much she stopped supporting herself and lay down fully on the figure, wrapping her arms around it to hold it in place. That looked kinda sweet until the added weight coupled with the thrusts became too much for the already overinflated effigy. With a sudden pop it collapsed completely, bringing Kim down with it. She sat up and removed the strapon before pulling the plastic remains off it.
                  "And that's practically unheard of in humans. Fortunately. But a good orgasm can produce a similar reaction."
                  She held out the harness towards us.
                  "Now, why don't you show me what you've learnt?"
                  With that Ms. Kimber spread her legs in a supine position and waited for her top student. Lex jumped at the opportunity and was ready and on top in record time.
                  "Teacher's pet", I teased.
                  "And proud of it" she retorted over her shoulder before going to work.
                  Kim tried to lie very still and act the sex doll, but her lover's actions were too good for her as evidenced by the sounds and facial expressions. And in the end it turned out Lexi was a good learner indeed as her teacher didn't pop as much as explode, arching her back violently and panting so hard it was lucky she was self-inflating or all the air would have been gone in no time.
                  "You pass", she grinned and told Lexi to pass the equipment on as well. I nodded at Kriss to take it as I wanted to watch as much as I could before my turn. I like getting in the mood too.
                  Two more figurative explosions later we had all graduated cum laude, and I felt it well worth the effort even if I was about to burst myself from need. But it could wait a little longer.
                  After all that Kim's clothes were definitely in need of ironing. She adjusted them as best she could and addressed us.
                  "Well done, class. I'm pleased with your results so far." She put on the most mischievous grin imaginable. "All that's left is an oral exam."
                  It was just as well it was a private school. If anyone had seen Ms. Kimber giving head to the entire student body there'd never be an end to the applications.

                  Still, there were a few attempts at getting enrolled. One man in particular wrote a very courteous letter asking to take her out to dinner and emphatically nothing else. I was tempted to reply Ms. Kimber had been deflated and put in storage for the term, but settled on a more respectful way of telling him she didn't exist outside the classroom.
                  But I jump ahead again. There had to be a subscriber video too and while Kim tried to restore her appearance me and Kriss prepared the studio by bringing in a tub of water. Then we passed the time snuggling on the bed until Kim yet again was facing the camera.
                  "Most inflatables are fragile, and at some point you might find yourself needing to repair one. I will show you how it's done." She pulled something very thin and transparent from a pocket. "You will need a patch like this - preferably a self-adhesive one - and a broken pool toy."
                  Kim produced the overinflated swim ring she'd blown up for the viewers and took off her lapel pin, using the latter to pointedly puncture the former. There was a very low pop and the discreet wheeze of escaping air.
                  "A tiny hole like that can be hard to find, so let's make sure we don't know where it is."
                  She spun the ring around a few times.
                  "Now we'll try the best way of locating it."
                  She crouched down by the tub and I switched to a closeup. Kim put part of the ring under water and began turning it slowly.
                  "If you do this leaking air will show up as bubbles. There! See?"
                  A thin stream of small bubbles was indeed rising from the ring. Ms. Kimber plugged it with a fingertip and lifted the whole thing out.
                  "Now that we know where it is it's time to wipe it dry."
                  A towel did that trick, but then there was no trace of the pinhole. Kim was unperturbed as per the script.
                  "If you lose track of the exact spot or don't have any water to begin with, another way is to moisten your lips and pass them over the suspected areas. You should feel the leak distinctly. When you do, mark it with the tip of your tongue so you can see the wet spot."
                  She did, in a way that was just a teensy bit too sexy for the subject. Then again, the entire segment would be sexy to part of the fanbase so no harm in throwing them an extra boner. Bone. Whatever.
                  "It's best to flatten the surface as air can escape through the tiniest wrinkle. Remember what I said about adapters and straws as inflation aids? They help with deflation too."
                  She inserted her trusty tube in the valve and squeezed almost all of the air out while keeping a finger on the near-invisible hole.
                  "If you really need it completely empty you can suck the rest out, though this will do for now."
                  Surely a disappointment to some, but Kim just smoothed out the affected part and applied the transparent patch. She pressed it firmly in place.
                  "If you're using vinyl cement, make sure to let it dry completely. Then all that's left is blowing it back up!"
                  An audible inhale later she was on the job, swiftly and expertly restoring the ring to its former glory. Puff after puff made it swell into shape, and soon Ms. Kimber could plug the valve with satisfaction. She dipped the patchwork in the tub and absolutely no bubbles were to be seen.
                  "There you have it - the proper way of patching a punctured pooltoy."
                  My fault, I'm afraid. I couldn't pass up on that allitteration.
                  Kim rose for her parting lines. "Should a seam burst there are ways of fixing that too - for instance by a makeshift pinch weld with a clothes iron. But I leave that to teachers with more expertise in this particular field. Until next time, class dismissed."

                  Kim had removed her glasses and updo, but kept the rest of the outfit on for the rest of the day. Not surprising since Alex looked nearly infatuated at the sight, which to be fair isn't far from her usual demeanor around her spouse. After dinner they were standing brow to brow, gazing into each other's eyes.
                  "You kids run along and play", I told them. "Have a good time."
                  "Oh, we will", Kim said. "Or at least she will. I'll make sure of it."
                  Lex sighed. "Blondie, I'll give you such a good time. Such a good, good time..."
                  A deep, tender kiss later they were gone. Kriss blew in my ear.
                  "A good, good time sounds about right, don't you think?"
                  "Lead the way."
                  She did, but to the poolhouse. I've long since ceased to be surprised at her.
                  "Thought we'd show the big, bad wolf what bad girls we can be."
                  I was taken into her arms and fondled all over while she whispered seductively.
                  "Why don't you blow him up, Chel? You're doing such a good job on Dodo I wanna make sure you stay in practice..."
                  Well, the creature was maybe three-quarters full so it wouldn't be too much of a chore. With all of our clothes discarded in heaps on the floor we took our places, me kneeling next to the valve on the rump of the likewise kneeling dog-thing (or whatever it is the do when they crouch with front legs flat on the ground) and my wife slightly above. Kriss straddling and rubbing against it as I blew was the perfect motivation - I really wanted to make it all stiff and bouncy for her. With long and deep puffs I began working towards that.
                  "Oh yesss...I can feel it growing", she moaned. "Keep going..."
                  I wasn't planning on stopping. Watching Kriss watching me, not taking her gaze away for a second, was such a turn-on I couldn't help fingering myself while blowing with all my might.
                  The sensation of air rushing out of my chest, emptying my lungs completely for her, had my head swimming with more than oxygen starvation. Every whoosh told me we were all getting closer to completion - Kriss, me and inflatable alike. I couldn't wait to get there and picked up the paze, huffing and puffing in a frenzy until the wolf was full enough to lift Kriss of her feet and the groans of delight were music to my ears.
                  "Fuck yeah, Chellie, that's so great! Keep going, it feels so good fucking your breath! Blow, blow, blowblowblowblowblow!"
                  I did, as much and as fast as I ever could while feeling a huge something coming along through every vein in my legs. The inflatable was getting as taut and tense as I was and my hand kept frigging away to bring that wonderful relief that was achingly, tantalizingly just out of reach.
                  "Oooh fuck", Kriss shrieked, "ain't never gonna get enough of this! Blow me away! Make me come!" She threw her head back in ecstasy. "Blow so I come!"
                  I drew a huge breath and forced every last ounce of it into the sturdy vinyl and that was what did it for me. The valve slipped from my lips as I gasped and yelped with the surge of heat shooting through me and almost at once I heard my beloved joining in, her sounds of pleasure bringing even more to me as I grabbed the wolf for support. It was that or hitting the floor face first. We both just caught our breaths for a while before Kriss slid off the inflatable and knelt to kiss me.
                  "That was...amazing. You should try it yourself."
                  I rose unsteadily, not trusting myself with any more advanced balancing acts. "I might. But maybe not just now."
                  "Look at it."
                  The wolf was still staring straight ahead with a stupid expression and printed tongue lolling out, as if the hottest woman in the world hadn't just humped herself senseless against its back.
                  "All blown up. By you. Chel, you're such a fantasic blower I wanna pop Dodo out of jealousy."
                  "He's a lucky dino all right. Already been inflated by the three best mouths in the world."
                  "But yours is the best, Chellie. Wanna kiss it all the time. Want it on me every waking minute."
                  "We'd never get anything done then."
                  "Don't care. Still wanna."
                  I gave her at least a few waking minutes of that, but all above the waist. The floor wasn't comfy enough for more. Kriss broke the spell herself, though.
                  "Grab the clothes, willya."
                  I did, and then she grabbed me. I put my legs around her waist as she carried me off.
                  "Let's go to bed", she said. "I've things left to do."
                  "After that?" I asked.
                  "Oh, that was just a good time. I promised you a good, good time, didn't I?"
                  Well, I do love a woman of her word. And Kriss most of all because she always keeps it.

                  Comment

                  • ChillinHaze
                    Senior Member
                    • Sep 2016
                    • 133

                    #39
                    Re: ON THE AIR with Kimber - a Blowgirls serial

                    Just caught up on all the parts I couldn't read because of having too little time.

                    Loved the birthday party shenanigans and the globophobia bit a lot. ^^

                    But of course the history of inflatables was my favorite which really is no surprise. Yes, I'm biased. Sue me :P

                    Just surprised you didn't go into the topic of custom ordered inflatables but I guess since those are more of interest to a particular group of people it wasn't fitting for a video supposed for a general audience.
                    Also the techniques for repairing bigger damages are probably a bit complicated so I understand why you left those out ^^

                    But that trick with ironing the toy is something I personally would advise against. You'll probably cause more damage than you'll fix. The most used method is applying stripes of vinyl along a burst seam from the inside.

                    That wolf at the end is a lucky toy!
                    Last edited by ChillinHaze; 05-05-2022, 11:38.

                    Comment

                    • Harley
                      Senior Member
                      • Jan 2016
                      • 269

                      #40
                      Re: ON THE AIR with Kimber - a Blowgirls serial

                      Episode 26

                      It was one of those days when you just don't want to get out of bed. For one thing, that'd mean letting go of Kriss and after the way she'd wished me a good morning I wasn't inclined to. I have the warmest, cuddliest and most huggable wife in the world - or so my inner procrastinator told me. But said spouse wasn't about to let me sleep in. She was almost annoyingly chipper and adamant that I'd rise and shine.
                      The breakfast Lexi had cooked was somewhat-better-than-usual too and that was my second clue something was up. Could be anything as we were well ahead on the shooting schedule and had plenty of time to spare.
                      We'd hurried through a couple recording sessions since we hadn't really planned any special theme for the immediate future, but that merely brought us back to the original vision. It wasn't too hard thinking up stuff if keeping it short and to the point. Decorations were easy too - for each new episode Kim selected an inflatable from the pool house, deflated it and carried it to the studio in happy anticipation. Then she blew it back up - as much as she could, of course - and placed it as a backdrop. She always wore some happy summery outfit, often involving loose tees and tank tops, headbands, bandannas or one of those stupid transparent visors, all to give a beachside impression. Alex had made another guest appearance - also in seasonal garb - which made for a nice spontaneous talk about favorite snacks to bring on outings. For that one I too was roped into the preparations, joining them in inflating some relevant blowups. I got a giant banana while Lex had a hot dog and the hostess herself a soda bottle. It could be coincidence they were all somewhat phallic, but knowing Kim, probably not.
                      The improvisation went nicely and Lex even shared a recipe for her best club sandwiches - which are amazing - and I made sure to put in writing at the end.
                      See? I was ahead on the editing too. So you might understand my apprehension.
                      I glanced across the table at Kim who was looking both secretive and expectant.
                      "All right", I sighed. "There's something I've forgotten, right?"
                      "It's our six-month-anniversary!" Kim blurted out with glee. "We've been 'On the Air' for half a year!"
                      Ah yeah, that added up.
                      "Yay us", I said with some surprise. "I'm just not used to marking that kind of intervals."
                      Kriss, who takes any excuse for her plans, chimed in. "But you're gonna love what I've done!"
                      "Oh. God. Can it wait until we've finished?"
                      "Of course", she nodded and poured me coffee. "Might take some time so better fill up!"
                      The fresh scones helped my worries a bit. While I was happy we were doing so great there's just something ominous about Kriss arranging stuff without my knowledge. I had barely wiped my mouth when she threw a very full but sort of flat plastic bag onto the table.
                      "Ta-daa! Whaddya think?"
                      Even before I opened it I could see it was full of balloons, and that they were all printed with a proper "ON THE AIR" logo felt as some kind of relief. She'd already ordered similar ones to promote her previous album, but those had been pastels. These were regular latex loons, though in far more colors. I stretched one and blew it up, as was expected of me. Twelve-inchers, from the look of it, so they were bigger as well. I have to admit they seemed real nice.
                      "Not bad. Will look good on the show." Then the word 'promo' struck me right between the frontal lobes and I began to fear the answer to my next question. "How many did you order?"
                      Kriss shrugged. "Twelve thousand."
                      It was a good thing I'd finished my coffee or it would have gone all over the table. My fingers must have twitched something fierce because the balloon popped in my hands with a bang even more sudden than my "WHAT?"
                      "It's not that many, Chel! All the pearly ones are long gone."
                      "We had one thousand of those. And used up half in one go. And you sold them in your webshop - and gave them away with other merchandise."
                      "Oh yes", Kriss said like she'd been waiting for it. "About that...what do you think about these?"
                      She opened her robe to reveal she was wearing a black tee with the same logo. It was a nice-looking one - V-necked of course, in line with her tastes - and the text was neatly placed across her breasts. Just as well the 'with Kimber' part was omitted or it would have been literally overshadowed.
                      "We have merch now?" Matters of storage and sizes passed through my head. "Please, please, please tell me those are print-on-demand too."
                      "Of course. Worked well 'til now, right?"
                      Yes, whatever wear we'd sold related to Crystal Mackenzie had been handled by the print shop. So far so good. "But we can't add loons to those orders. As we never touch them, you know?"
                      "Those are good loons, if we sell them by hundreds they'll be out of stock before you know it."
                      I had my doubts about those quantities for such a specific print, but I let it slide.
                      "I have a dreadful suspicion there's more."
                      Kriss shook her head. "Not at the moment! But I was thinking if you wanted more to sell you could put together Best-of DVD's. With commentaries and extras."
                      Sometimes Kriss reminds me of an 18th-century french noble returning from an extended trip to discover there's been some changes. While she does sell CD's, the vast majority is digital. What we mainly ship are pins, stickers and signed pictures and posters. Okay, fine, autographed records too, but not as many as we would have a decade ago.
                      "Your suggestion has been taken aboard and will be thrown over the side at the earliest convenience."
                      My wife held back a laugh. "Let's not argue in front of the kids."
                      "Not arguing, just...fine. We have balloons and we have tees. So where's mine?"
                      That was Lexi's cue and she produced a blue one from the cupboard she'd been hovering by. At the same time she took out versions in lavender and white for Kim and herself. There was nothing for it but trying them on at once.
                      I had nothing to complain about. They looked nice and as opposed to Kriss' had round necks but were otherwise of different types - Kim's a slim fit, Lexi's more casual since her bust kinda calls for that. Mine had long sleeves but it was a sacrifice I could live with. There was only one conclusion, though.
                      "So when are we showing these off, and how?"
                      Kriss was incredulous. "Today! Or we'll miss the deadline."
                      "Don't forget we have to show the balloons too!" Kim said.
                      "Of course we have to show the balloons too."
                      Lex gave me one of my favorite cookies. "It'll be fine, baby. They've got it all planned out."
                      Yes, Kriss is a master of planning. It's the execution that's lacking some times.

                      I found the darker side of the studio framed by two room dividers and that could only mean one thing. We were about to do a lot of balloon blowing.
                      And whaddya know, we were. I was allowed a peek at the entire supply as we brought parts of it in and I was glad far from all would be needed. They came in all kinds of colors and I suspected Kriss had ordered a thousand of each. Or maybe fifteen hundred, I wasn't counting.
                      I didn't count how many we blew up either - all I know is that we sat down to inflate enough loons to reach our waists. If that doesn't sound like much I might add we were on chairs. As we puffed away Kim reminded us it was important they'd make a nice impression as it was sort of a commercial too.
                      I looked up from my half-full magenta balloon. "Too?"
                      "Yeah, this is the anniversary vid!"
                      "Makes sense, I guess", I said and kept blowing.
                      Said impression was accomplished by making the balloons nice and full with just a hint of neck, so they'd both look inviting and pile up better. The latex was smooth and strong and felt great to inflate - you know how some brands just love to cooperate? These were like that - merely a small threshold to overcome at the start and then they simply blew up with token resistance. Made me feel really strong and I don't think I'd minded doing twice as many, even if there was quite a bit more than just a handful. The smell was just perfect too, not overpowering but definitely rubbery, a scent I associate with quality. And hot fetish gear, of course.
                      My mates seemed to enjoy themselves about as much and with so much complacency around it didn't seem like any time at all passed while the floor somehow got covered by layer after layer of tightly inflated balloons. Eventually Kim said we'd better stop or the shirt prints wouldn't show.
                      "Wow. Not a single pop", Alex noted.
                      Kriss smiled smugly. "Told you they were good."
                      "So", I said. "How do you propose we get out?"
                      We had to wade, of course, but gently so there would be no breaks to break the record. We managed somehow and Kim told us to go make ourselves pretty.
                      "Not too much, not too little. Perfume counter makeup."
                      As descriptions go that was better than it sounded. I knew what she meant and found it appropriate for ladies trying to entice customers. Ever since I was a teen I'd been wondering if there was some kind of appearance code for salesgirls in beauty departments - and ever since the first production at The Stone I'd been wondering how display balloons were usually inflated. For some reason I didn't think pumps and compressors were standard equipment in such stores. I imagined a stern, middle-aged manager supervising, telling the employees just how much to blow them up and probably start off by inflating one herself as an example. Wouldn't surprise me, is what I mean.
                      With our stage experience it didn't take too long accomplishing the requested look and Kim went through what she wanted for the shoot. It was her show after all.
                      I started the recording before we slowly made our way back in and sat down, turning as many logos as we could see towards the viewers along the way. We all had a nice supply of uninflated loons hidden in our laps under the full ones and me, Kriss and Lex sat blowing them up pretending to be unaware of the camera while Kim addressed her audience.
                      Or rather, before she did as well. She started out hidden by balloons and rose up to send a few flying and slowly fall down all around. Would have been a sorry sight if she hadn't been limber enough to fold herself forward on the seat.
                      "Hii! Happy half-year to us! We've been on the air for six months, and what a ride it's been! I'm so happy so many have been watching, that number below" - she pointed - "just keeps growing. Like these balloons!"
                      She swung an arm backwards to indicate mine and Lexi's efforts and neatly knocked the loon from my lips. It might have been comedy gold if we'd stayed deadpan and gone on, but Kriss had to chuckle and ruin it.
                      So Kim had to start over, this time making a less exuberant sweep.
                      "To celebrate this milestone we've had these printed and if you like them you can have some too - now available in Crystal Mackenzie's webshop."
                      Kriss gave the spectators a little smile and wave to remind them who she was.
                      Kim picked up an empty white loon and held up the print towards the camera. "They're twelve inches in diameter fully inflated and made from quality latex. Let me show you!"
                      Still wearing a grin she inhaled and raised the arm not holding the limp rubber a little. A theatric but effective way of emphasizing her body filling with air. The she began to blow up the balloon, bending forward enough to show the expanding logo while maintaining eye contact. Repeating the motions she drew in and expelled another exaggerated breath and it would have looked really impressive if the balloon hadn't burst. From my vantage point I just heard the pop and saw the pieces fly off while Kim froze in place. So much for backing up 'quality latex'.
                      "Stupid balloon", she complained. "Why did you have to go and do that?"
                      But for the third take she was all smiles again and managed to blow the demonstration specimen as big as all the rest. She tied it off to show how quickly she could do it and added it to the plethora surrounding her.
                      "But don't just take my word for it - they can hold their own even against 'Iron Lungs' herself!"
                      Kriss turned towards the camera and dangled a red balloon in front of her. She gingerly brought it to her mouth and blew it up with impressive speed, giving the audience a full side view. The nickname is not ironic, and she loves to show off those skills but seldom gets a real chance.
                      Her loon didn't stand a chance though, even if it resisted as long as it could. It grew full faster than should have been possible, then expanded its neck to buy time, then stretched itself to the utmost limits and exploded with a resounding bang. At the end it was well above the advertised size and Kriss smiled with approval. A regular user would have had plenty opportunities to stop and tie it off.
                      "So go get some right now if you want. We'll even throw in a couple if you order something else. And speaking of that, you can get one of these nifty shirts too and show the world you're an airhead. Just kidding. But maybe you work in broadcasting, or know someone who does? Or maybe just want to show your support for the show? Either way, they're available now!"
                      Her hands went down under the balloon cover as she went for the finish.
                      "So here's to another six months of trivia and general goofiness, and I hope many more after that! See you soon!"
                      With a lusty "Yaaay!" she brought up her entire uninflated stash and threw it into the air. The multicolored rubber rain made an interesting sound landing on its inflated brethren and slipping between them, which also signaled the end of the take.
                      "Pretty ok", I said, "but maybe we shouldn't call your fanbase 'airheads'."
                      Kim pouted. "Aww! But it fits so good!"
                      "Tell you what - you can think it. But what was the point of having Kriss btp one? To show they aren't unbreakable?"
                      Kriss herself replied. "To show how big they get. And what they sound like. And give them a time to aspire to."
                      "Compare themselves with the one-time world champion balloon blower. Right."
                      "What? I held back."
                      "Not saying I didn't like it. But we should probably check the recording before we ruin the setup."

                      The results were usable and Kim's inflation scene made me wistful of our theatre days. There was something vaguely burlesque about it, especially that knowing stare - silently saying 'you like this, don't you? It's okay, I hope you do'.
                      Anyway, we weren't done. Kriss had gotten something else for the studio, the preparation of which Kim intended for the subscriber's section - a brand new and sturdy chair of black PVC.
                      She kept the advertising appearance and shirt for the scene me and her set up on our own.
                      "Since it's been six months it's time for a change in here, don't you think?"
                      She carried the old seat off-camera and returned with the package holding the new one, which was carelessly tossed onto the desk.
                      "Come to think of it, this will be my first unboxing video!"
                      Kim ripped the cardboard open and pulled out the clear plastic containing the folded furniture.
                      "Oh look, you get repair patches! Wonder if they don't trust the quality? We'll just have to see - but at least I know what to do if I need them."
                      She picked up the see-through bag. "Won't need this anymore!"
                      Bunching up the opening she quickly inflated it and slammed it against her palm before throwing the broken remains over her shoulder.
                      She picked up and began turning the vinyl around in her hands. "Now, where can it be? A-ha!"
                      Having located the valve she put the usual adaptor in and began to blow. It was rather a while before you could see what shape the formless heap was inflating into. As it grew two other valves came into view and I supposed they were for the armrests. I was partly right - there were in fact three valves, one for the back support as well. Kim blew every segment up in turn and for once stopped when they started to resist. She capped the last nozzle and held the whole thing up. It was rather low, as they tend to be. But the matte finish of the material made it appear like imitation imitation leather and that was actually not too bad.
                      "Looks pretty good, dontcha think? Let's find out how it feels."
                      She put it down and sank into place. It was more than obvious it lacked some height.
                      "Ok, slight miscalculation. But at least I'm finally actually 'on the air'! And I intend to stay there - just have to...get a raise, or something." She looked down, checking all parts of the chair. "Think blowing it up some more will help? Anyway, see you next time!"
                      She blew a kiss and got up.
                      I congratulated her or the new furnishing. "Was that a jab at your salary or just a bad pun?"
                      "I get paid? Just tried to copy your style."
                      "No worse than any of mine. I haven't said anything about these" - the balloons covering half the floor and more - "because I know you might wanna dance through them or something, but we'd better do something about them asap."
                      "Great idea! Let's net them!"
                      We did, and put one of Kriss' tracks on the speaker. But far from all the balloons could fit in the ceiling net, and when I pulled the release string the effect perhaps wasn't what she'd hoped for. The weight/height ratio was far too low to let them float gently down and the overall impression was the balloons simply being dumped onto Kim. It kinda put a stop to her moves, like someone getting a pail of water thrown over them.
                      "Back to the drawing board", I said. "Just pop them as best you can."
                      That worked much better, and watching Kim strut her stuff through the masses of vibrant latex was sort of amusing until she'd used her pin to burst enough to really cut loose. Then it turned into something straight out of an old music vid, with the blonde showing off moves and popping balloons left and right, often kicking some up to explode mid-air. Not a single balloon survived the onslaught and I would have to report to Kriss her jazzy song had been turned into pop music. The final loon was swept up by Kim in passing, brought in front of the lens and deliberately stabbed on the final note. I decided at once to cut to black at the last possible frame and just keep the noise.
                      I kissed her as usual and said I was afraid anything else would have to wait for later if she wanted these posted today. I wondered if anyone else had even thought of the webshop needing an update as well and a small detail flashed by.
                      "Waitasec, you promised loons with every order! But the shirts won't be sent from here."
                      "We'll mail them separately."
                      "Postage..." I sighed.
                      Kim shrugged. "So? Just add it to the shirt price, no one will know."
                      "Sometimes you're not as blonde as you look."
                      "Aw, thanks. And thanks for these months. I've had so much fun."
                      "Me too."
                      All right, the posting could wait while we had A Moment. But since it was mostly one of the best hugs ever I was soon busy editing.

                      I actually managed to be done by dinner, bringing in Kriss to help set up the sales first so there'd be no disappointed visitors. Took all but five minutes to get the first comment which was 'Omg I have to get some of those!'. So offering the balloons in packs of 25, 50 and 100 might work out after all.
                      Alex had made Kim's favorite ribs - which we all enjoy - and my preferred dessert, crème brulée.
                      "No candles?" Kim asked.
                      Lexi smiled. "That's for even years".
                      I remarked it was just as well the chair couldn't be used at once. "Would look stupid for it to disappear in the ones we already shot."
                      Kriss grinned. "If it pops it will disappear during an episode."
                      "And so will she." It was very, very tempting to arrange for the best blooper ever. Must have been the wine.
                      As we were preparing for bed Kim kissed my cheek. "I'll be over in a bit."
                      Kriss leaned in to whisper in my other ear. "It's your project. You should celebrate it together."
                      I didn't mind that at all and was happy with wishing my wife and Lex a very good night - at some length - and sending them on their merry way. Then I went to our bedroom to prepare. Some nice lingerie might be appropriate and I had some trouble deciding which when a knock on the door preceded a knockout. Kim entered wearing her most radiant grin and an ensemble...
                      Know what? Just imagine her in whatever you think would be the sexiest things she could put on, because that's the only way I could convey the impression. The makeup wasn't of the 'perfume counter' but the 'fuck me' kind, and she had a bottle of champagne in one hand and two glasses in the other. Something black and limp and rubbery dangled from her fingers.
                      "Happy half-iversary, lover."
                      That settled it. I picked my most elaborate set and put it on very slowly and deliberately, pulling the stockings neatly in place and fastening every clasp with care. It wasn't everyday wear and let's just say the peekaboo panties weren't a standout in the display department. I could feel Kim's gaze on me and was real happy to have her full attention. Then I parked myself in front of the makeup mirror and asked her to give me a moment.
                      "Take your time", she said and sat down on the bed to stretch the banner balloon she'd brought.
                      I watched her reflection start blowing it up but I was more focused on painting myself to match. Maybe I was a bit out of practice but in the end I felt pretty satisfied with the silvery eyeshadow and prominent blush complimenting the dark lipstick and liners. I added some highlights and shades before turning my attention to Kim, who'd finished inflating the incredibly long and thick latex cylinder. She'd tied it off and was just waiting to pour the bubbly. But my appearance struck her dumb for some reason.
                      "Holy shit, Chel, I've never seen you like this..."
                      "Even Kriss barely has. But I want you to know you're so worth the effort."
                      "You look so sexy..." she said like she couldn't believe her eyes.
                      "Wanna be sexy for you. Since we're about to have sex and all."
                      "Let's drink to that. And then you're gonna be on the air with Kimber. On Kimber's air."
                      We sipped and kissed until the glasses were finished and Kim took my hand to lead me onto the huge balloon. We sat down face to face and sank down on the fragile yet strong surface that easily held our weight. The stretched latex felt so good between my legs I began rubbing against it at once, even before grabbing hold of my lover, and then the kissing and fondling began for real. We bounced and humped the balloon while wrapping each other in a tight embrace, and feeling our legs getting in the way Kim threw hers up around me. Her butt was still supported by the balloon she'd blown up for us, but it felt like I was carrying her except she weighed almost nothing. The squeaking of skin against rubber matched our moves and I both wanted the loon to hold out until I came and ride it to bits at once. A searing arousal pumped through me with every hard, rapid heartbeat and Kim's deep kisses and moans only increased it. She pushed her crotch against my waist while I did the same with the balloon and the rubbery friction against my privates felt so good I could hardly take it any more. I drew in her scent deeply as I thrust downwards and forwards a final time and then it was just a flash of light and a full-body shudder while I rode out a magnificent orgasm on the wonderfully inflated blackness that could pop at any moment but somehow didn’t. That risk, that uncertainty was like the plunge down a rollercoaster and I would have screamed if Kim's tongue hadn't been in my mouth. I threw myself forward on top of her and more felt than saw the balloon bulge out under her back, supporting us for a brief moment before bursting with a bang I barely heard. Then I responded to the unspoken invitation of her paintjob and shagged her until the gasps turned to shrieks and didn't get up until the world around us began to move again.
                      I slowly removed every piece of clothing from her and she did the same for me, dropping them on the floor along with all the balloon scraps we could find until nothing was left but cool sheets and warm bodies to hold and caress.
                      "I love you so much, Kimmily. Want you so much. Not just as a fuckbuddy but a playmate. Lifemate."
                      She returned the sentiment amongst nuzzles. "This is even better than the all-night fucking I'd prepared for."
                      No matter her plans, what we ended up doing was hugging and kissing. Lots and lots of soft, tender kisses on shoulders and necks along with ear-blowing and declarations of love. If that sounds tedious and trite, I can promise it wasn't. Eventually we made our way to the mirror to remove the rather unnecessary cosmetics, but some times the thought counts more than at others.
                      Kim hesitantly showed me her natural visage. "Still ok?"
                      I stroked her cheek. "Kimmy, you're more than a pretty face. Even if some of your fans can't shut up about jacking off to your shows."
                      "They can jerk as much as they want to."
                      "That's a merch idea. The 'On the Air' tissue box."
                      She giggled. "I don't mind them doing it. Not like I can make them stop. Not like I don't encourage them."
                      "I've sort of suspected that. As long as you like it. And like yourself."
                      "I like making fantasies come true. If I can."
                      I beckoned her towards the bed. "Right now my fantasy is having a snuggling-and-sweet-nothings contest with you. Winner gets to sleep in the loser's arms."
                      "You're on."
                      It was a draw of course, with a shared prize. Before we dozed off I tried sounding the waters.
                      "So what are you planning for the actual anniversary?"
                      Kim merely smiled. "Check back in six months."

                      Comment

                      • ChillinHaze
                        Senior Member
                        • Sep 2016
                        • 133

                        #41
                        Re: ON THE AIR with Kimber - a Blowgirls serial

                        If every anniversary is done like this the amounts of balloons they'll have in storage will rival an actual shop xD

                        Twelve thousand! That's an airhead moment I would say ;P

                        Comment

                        • Harley
                          Senior Member
                          • Jan 2016
                          • 269

                          #42
                          Re: ON THE AIR with Kimber - a Blowgirls serial

                          Episode 27

                          It felt good staying ahead production-wise. With a few finished episodes still to post I was in no rush to write the particular piece I'd promised and could actually read up on it a bit while working on Dodo. While he wasn't a dragon he certainly was a fantastic beast, if you read it as 'unreal'. Or at the very least surreal - an inflatable of that size had no business in anyone's back yard.
                          Speaking of the yard, the days were getting hot and dry and Kriss had put the sprinkler on the lawn, which was an accident waiting to happen if you ask me. I felt safe and secure in the tiny tent but any crossing to the house was fraught with danger - someone yanking on the hose could easily score a few hits without even exposing themselves.
                          A sing-song voice called out. "Oh, Chellie?"
                          There was a distinct beckoning to it and I suspected a trap. If not the sprinkler maybe some water balloons or even a bucket. Or, god forbid, there'd been a special on super soakers at the store. That was probably the only water weapon I hadn't been hit with yet.
                          Holding my laptop as a shield I went to see what Kriss wanted. It turned out to be only tangentially water-related - her new inflatables had arrived. The box was rather massive since she'd bought these retail and hence they all had separate packages.
                          There were a few ride-ons but not huge ones plus some kind of five-foot unicorn, a clown bop bag, a 'sea serpent', a hot tub, a...
                          Hot tub?
                          "Krissie, don't we already have one of these?"
                          "Yeah, but not portable or 'flatable! I hear lots of camgirls use them."
                          "Yes, camgirls. Which Kimmy isn't. Not anymore at least."
                          "It was my idea", Kim said. Would be pretty nice to be on the air on the water. That's what the riders are for!"
                          I shrugged. It could have been so much worse. "Well, in that case. Thought you wanted a dragon for the fantasy stuff though?"
                          Lex lit up. "It's not for that - it's a unicorn sprinkler!" She almost squee’d.
                          So the watering had been more preparation for this than care for the grass. Figures.
                          "We should a make a vid about setting it up!" Kim exclaimed.
                          Lexi clapped her hands. I hadn't seen her this excited about toys in a while. "Let's! Now?"
                          "Up to you", I said. "You need to calibrate the camera anyway because I still don't get the settings."
                          While I know how to start and stop and how to edit finished material, things like white balance and focal depth still eludes me. Kim had both gotten a nice camera and learnt about those so there would be nothing to complain about with her shared pictures. I'd mistaken that for an interest in the craft, but the knowledge had sure come in handy. And it was a good opportunity for them to try making an episode because soon they'd be left to their own devices for a few days.
                          So while Lexi and Kim grabbed the garden ornament and set off, I got to speak to Kriss a bit more about the purchases.
                          "Kim chose some show-worthy ones and asked real nicely for the pool." She smiled. "Not that she wouldn't have gotten it just by pointing. You can guess which one Lex picked out."
                          "Didn't you get any for yourself?"
                          "Oh yes, this", she said and flipped open the valve of the bop bag. "Thought it'd be hilarious to punch."
                          She began puffing it up nonchalantly while I sorted through the rest. They were definitely hot-tub sized, with one glaring exception.
                          Kriss finished blowing the clown and put it down, giving it some playful jabs.
                          "And the snake's mine too. Come on! Wanna try something."
                          She brought the big serpent to the pool house, unrolled it, and holding on to the tail with the mouthpiece she threw the rest in and made a disappointed face. If she'd hoped for it to sink she would have to wait. The PVC did go slightly below the surface, undulating gently in the blueish water, but looked more likely to attract an ocean cleanup crew than cryptozoologists.
                          "Damn. Thought I could make it rise up."
                          "These aren't exactly murky depths - what did you expect?"
                          "Something more. But it's not even the right shape."
                          Whatever shape was right would have to wait as Kriss got busy blowing up the one we had. It had length but not much volume so it didn't take long.
                          It was prettily printed like a coral snake in red, black and yellow and the head had a sorta menacing look, but apart from that it wasn't much to write home about.
                          "It would have been much better looking like Nessie." Her finger described a sine wave. "You know, going up and down, and then you could ride the lower parts."
                          "Wouldn't it just tip over?"
                          "I was thinking some kind of keel. And maybe feet in the front and back, like those things on sea planes?"
                          "Pontoons."
                          "That's them. Would've been great, but there isn't anything like that. I've looked."
                          So had I when I researched the history of pool toys. Maybe not so much at pics as facts.
                          "Kriss, have you even heard about negative curves?"
                          "Sounds like bookkeeping."
                          "Sometimes" I agreed. "But you know swim rings work because there's just one big single curve, right? Making it bend back and forth plays merry hell with physics when pressure's involved."
                          "Well, it shouldn't. Maybe I could have one custom made? Saw some fun examples."
                          "No factory's gonna take that order without payment in advance and a signed waiver." Then the combination of 'custom inflatables' and 'fun' struck me. "Wait, what sites have you been on?"
                          "Oh, a few. I'll show you. Don't tell me that's a leak!"
                          She rapidly walked as close as she could get to where the snake's head was attached and peered at the seam. And heaved a sigh.
                          I went up next to her to check. "Where?"
                          Rookie mistake. A moment later I was toppled over the floating reptile, grabbing on to it as the rest of me splashed down.
                          "Oh no! It got her!" Kriss cried in a horror-movie voice.
                          Why I didn't just let go and get out of the pool I'll never know - must have been some sort of instinct to try climbing on. All I accomplished was rolling the snake over and falling in on the other side. Without letting go.
                          "Up and at it, Chellie!" Kriss cheered. "You've got this!"
                          What would happen when I got my hands on her was anybody's guess. I gave up trying to wrestle the damn thing and headed for the edge.
                          "Kriss. What would you say if I told you my phone's in my pocket?"
                          She hesitated. "Hope you're not waiting for any calls?"
                          "Just help me out."
                          The moment my hand was grabbed I pulled her in and she must have known it. We had a bit of a tussle but the kisses made clear there were no hard feelings on either side.
                          "Well played"' I said. "I was expecting to be hit with water but not the other way around."
                          Kriss smiled. "Let's go buy a new phone."
                          "It's okay..." I reassured her. "It's in the house."
                          "But mine isn't."

                          Saying sorry took a while and when we emerged wearing nothing but towels we found the others in bikinis, laughing and giggling as they played catch around a conspicuously horse-shaped object. It was indeed about five feet tall, counting from the ground to the tip of the horn showering anyone stupid enough to pass too close with water. It was magnificently stupid and I would have loved the hell out of it when I was eight. Not that there wasn't a part of me that still was.
                          "Oh hey", Alex called. "We're just done! Whaddya think?"
                          "Fab!" Kriss said. "So much better than the old one."
                          She walked up and tilted its head in my direction, but I kept my distance. Even though I was still kinda wet.
                          "Did you film it?"
                          "Course", Kim said. "Wanna see?"
                          "Sure. Now? We have to go in and change anyway."
                          "What did you do?" Lex wondered.
                          "Wrestle a water snake."

                          We were shown the unedited material and even though they'd chosen the side of the garden not occupied by Dodo it was weird seeing Kimber do an outdoors introduction. But that soon passed as she and Lex began to speak about childhood water games.
                          "We had a sprinkler almost like this one", Kim said, indicating the previous model. "But the water was always too cold and when you ran through it you could trip or step on it. My brother once did and bent it out of whack. Mom wasn't too happy but pops could set it right."
                          "We didn't even have a lawn", city-raised Lex said. "But there was a park nearby with much bigger ones. And lots of kids on hot days. I remember those could shoot a beachball quite a ways."
                          "No authorities around?"
                          "Mr. Henson turned a blind eye as long as we didn't run amuck too much. Best park guard I've met. We used to bribe him with candy and he used to pretend it worked."
                          They talked a bit about the benefits of beachballs, especially when you got older.
                          "Great way to get guys to show off, throwing themselves around to stop shots. And usually topless too. Because if you think only men go to the beach to look at nice things you're wrong."
                          "Amen", Alex said. "We do too, you know."
                          "How would you do it?" Kim asked.
                          "Well, first you pack a beachball. Or two. Not too big ones, they block the view. Then just pick a good moment to blow it up. Make sure it has bright colors for attention. If you're with friends, just throw it around and 'accidentally' miss when it's going the right direction. And ask to have it kicked back. Now they're in the game even if they don't know it."
                          Kim nodded along. "And if you're alone?"
                          "Do some stretchercises until you're sure the right people see you, then drop the ball. It's like the ancient handkerchief trick."
                          I snorted at the thought of some turn-of-the-century lady having to inflate her conversation piece. Would probably either have intimidated every man around into ignorance or gotten her engaged within the afternoon.
                          "Any advice for the guys?"
                          "Wait for the hanky and don't be pushy. Oh, you mean to start off? The game invite works the other way around too. Maybe not dropping the ball, though."
                          "Yeah, bring some friends for that. Might mean competition but I'm afraid men making moves on their own at the beach can come off as creepy. Reading a book is great though, if someone asks you about it you prolly have something in common. And if you're there for bathing or tanning no one's gonna be bothered at all! I don't wanna offend anyone, just saying why some things seldom work."
                          "Guys, we love you", Lex said. "It just feels safer with some kind of chaperone."
                          Might have sounded better from someone not six feet and muscle-bound, but the point was still sound.
                          "Speaking of safe", Kim said, "once more - never depend on inflatables to keep you afloat. They will - but only until they pop or spring a leak."
                          Lexi waited a beat, then took over. "And speaking of inflatables, is it time to show them what we have?"
                          "Definitely."
                          Kim pulled a whitish vinyl heap into sight and addressed the camera. "We're going to blow this up - let's see how long it takes you to guess what it is!"
                          In the now, she turned to me and Kriss. "Let's see how long it takes you to see what we forgot to bring."
                          Six seconds. That's the time that passed before she'd wrapped her lips directly around the valve.
                          "The adapter", Kriss said, quite unnecessarily.
                          Kim nodded. "Luckily it was one of those bigger ones. Wouldn't have fit anyway."
                          We watched on. Lexi observed the inflation with polite interest until it was her turn to take over, then blew with some eagerness. Her taut cheeks shone in the sunlight and I found myself enjoying the noise of her big breaths going in. There was something promising about it, the promise that we'd soon find out what was being blown up.
                          She passed the nozzle back to Kim. "Think it can be seen yet?"
                          "Don't think so. Let's see if I can fix that."
                          She began puffing in earnest and a leg started to unfold. Soon it was obvious it was an animal of some kind and the hint of rainbow mane should have made which abundantly clear. But there was still some way to go.
                          "Your turn. Blow faster or they might lose interest!"
                          Fat chance of that.
                          But Lex complied and the puffy mass swelled out even more. A face came into view and now the horn could be seen.
                          "I think it's a unicorn", Kriss said to no one in particular.
                          I told her it's cheating when you already know and she said she just wanted to play the part of a regular viewer. "I figure that's when they'll know."
                          Rocket science. But I checked my watch to see how long it would go on after the surprise was gone.
                          Not exceedingly. Soon the body was all but done and the extremities began to fill up. Kim took over and Alex helped standing it upright. Or as much as could be done considering they were blowing into the equivalent of a thigh - Kim sitting down lowered that end a little.
                          She capped the valve. "Wanna do the honors?"
                          "Sure" Lex said and crouched to add the last air required. By now the shape was well defined and she only had to blow it to full firmess. That didn't take her long at all and when she was done they rose to admire the serenely smiling creature.
                          "Wow, it's pretty big", Kim said.
                          "Uh-huh", Lex agreed. "Hook it up?"
                          Kim disconnected the sprinkler and folded the hose sharply. Only a few drops got past that bend and Lex grabbed the end to snap it into the socket on a front hoof. Kim released the pressure and after a few moments it had worked its way through and began spraying water through the tip of the horn. It actually looked pretty nice.
                          "Wee! It works!" Lex squealed. Yes, she does at times.
                          "Yaay!"
                          They walked around the horse, patting its flank and testing how far the droplets went in all directions. Satisfied, Kim turned to her partner.
                          "What shall we call him?"
                          Lex looked thoughtful. "Dunno. 'Swifty', like in She-Ra?"
                          "No, he has wings. Oh! Did you know winged unicorns are called alicorns? I looked it up."
                          "Really? I would have thought pegacorns."
                          Kim shrugged. "Anyway, this isn't one and it's not in a hurry."
                          Some stray droplets hit Lex along with a flash of inspiration. "Squirty!" she exclaimed.
                          Kim laughed. "Perfect! Squirty it is!"
                          I maybe wouldn't have called it that, but Squirty himself was just about perfect for the job and really cute where he stood, thick and swollen with my mates' shared breaths. I wondered if they'd managed to blow other things to those descriptions along the way.
                          "I hereby declare summer to be open", Kim said, followed by the standard closing about liking and subscribing before they blew the viewers a kiss each and walked towards the camera to shut it off.
                          "Nice", I said. "More like this and I won't be needed at all."
                          Kim kissed my cheek. "You know I can't do the rest."
                          "Planned anything for your loyal subscribers?" Kriss asked.
                          "Yeah, still have to blow up the tub, right?"
                          I shot that down. "Whoa. That's membership stuff and you know it. Fact is you're selling yourself short, Kimmy."
                          I explained it might be high time to separate the members sections. The amount of extra stuff for the low, low price of joining the Crystal Mackenzie fanclub was getting ridiculous.
                          "Besides, people with no interest in music are joining and that's counterproductive."
                          "They might pick one up", Kriss said.
                          "Maybe, but she's worth her own admission. More than worth. So I'm thinking separate prices - sorry, love, but I'm gonna charge more for the wankworthy stuff - and a bit off for buying both."
                          I turned to Kim. "If people think twenty bucks per month's too much they don't deserve to watch."
                          "Quite a hike" she said, trying to hide the feels.
                          "Cheap at twice the price. Have you seen what people charge for amateur commentaries on TV shows?"
                          I had, and that was part of the decision.
                          "When we started we didn't know if there was an interest. Now that we do you should get proper compensation. I mean, one tub clip would go for as much in some places. Your archive is helluva good value. And you are absolutely priceless."
                          I'll skip the part where she cried and we comforted her because there's been enough of a mood whiplash already. I know you'll agree it was the right call.
                          Kim's first thought when back to form was "But what about the subscriber vid? Not giving up on that."
                          "I have an idea", I said. "Why not let Lexi do one for a change?"
                          One explanation later they were both aboard and we all went out for a practical demonstration. Lex placed a blanket on the ground along with typical beach stuff and lay down pretending to read. Then she threw a glance at Squirty, slowly sat up and reached for her bag. She withdrew a deflated ball of the recommended size and inflated it without a rush (except of air, of course), now and then looking towards the unicorn. She filled her ball to the limit, making it tight and bouncy, then closed the valve and rose. She raised it above her head, passed it around her waist, bent to both side extending it between her hands while occasionally shooting flirtatious glances in a certain direction. Then the ball slipped from her grip and rolled away to stop right next to the amicable sprinkler. Lex waited for a response, then waited some more, but no amount of inviting looks provoked one. Eventually she got fed up, strode over to fetch her toy and holding it under one arm turned to the camera.
                          "Typical. Some guys just can't take a hint."
                          "My turn now?" Kim asked once the recording had stopped.
                          I stroked her hair. "You can blow up your bath tomorrow. I think Krissie's got something to show us."

                          She had, and the sight of the enormous special orders had us awed and struck dumb.
                          "How long has that been an option?" Lex asked, all agape.
                          "Maybe ten, fifteen years?" Kriss guessed. "Older ones don't look as good though."
                          The recent products did, though. And more than a little suspect. A female lion flat on its back was beyond suggestive already in 'The Lion King' and if the missionaries of old had seen it they might have had to rethink their rhetoric. As a human-sized (or bigger, it was hard to tell) inflatable the implications were outright blatant.
                          Kim was no less impressed. "How much for one of those?"
                          "Depends", Kriss said. "Handful of hundreds. If you want your own design it's a bit more. Kind of a big bit more."
                          Of course they wouldn't be cheap. Designing pieces and prints, setting the machines, switching colors and assembling materials - I wasn't sure I wanted an exact quote. I suspected at least a couple of thousands. Prices on premades seemed reasonable though and the ones we had were intended for full production runs. Yes, I know we had already proved at least the wolf suitable for private use, but it wasn't made for it. These gave the impression of being just that. Especially the absolutely enormous black dragon lying on its back with two gigantic, out-of-place human breasts on full display. Did it surprise me? Yes. Shock? No. I wasn't even sure it was a real custom since I saw two versions with different color accents.
                          I had to read up a bit more and found the earliest demand had been for horses. Maybe Squirty had that to thank for his existence. Naturally those hadn't been intended as kid's garden toys, but everything has to start somewhere. Most remarkably, it seemed like a whole lot weren't intended for sex. That seemed both wholesome and weird at once for some reason. Not judging, though. Just wondering what to do with something like that. Then again, there had once been a fad for life-size china dogs.
                          Kim, being Kim, naturally had to pose the one burning question.
                          "If you had to choose one of those to blow up and boink, which one would it be?"
                          Lexi didn't even hesitate. "A unicorn."
                          I smiled. "Should I go tell Squirty to hide?"
                          "Nah, I mean a great big alicorn with the legs straight out like in flight. Wings up so I could sit between'em. I think I'd actually like that. And you?" she shot back.
                          "I could go for a ride on Simba", Kim leered. "But I'd want him to have a mane."
                          Well, the lions had seemed supremely boinkable. And we all knew she has a thing for cats so it didn't come as a surprise. I turned to Kriss.
                          "Did you find a favorite while browsing?"
                          "Anything you'd blow up, Chel. Fucking loved humping the wolf while you did."
                          "You humped Moon Moon?" Kim asked.
                          "Yep - didn't even ask his name."
                          I was happy I hadn’t either. "Glad you liked it but that wasn't the question - what you'd choose if you had to blow up and boink it."
                          "Oh. This one, then."
                          She brought up a pic of an incredibly stupid-looking sea monster, a friendly dinosaur-thingy that appeared the absolute epitome of a pool toy in both shape and size.
                          My wife went on. "Can't you just picture taking it to the beach and fill it all the way - by mouth, of course - and then take it for a spin? Bet the waves would push it up real nice. And no one watching would know what you were doing."
                          "Okay", I said, "your fans can never, ever hear you say that. And I'm not sure you know how you look while getting off. Wouldn't call your face subtle."
                          "I can if have to."
                          "Yeah, I know that. But you're more likely to get lost in pleasure than lost at sea, is what I'm saying. Nice choice, though. I approve."
                          "And what's yours?"
                          I didn't even have to think. The words came without waiting for moderation.
                          "The titty dragon."
                          "Cherry!" Alex said, sounding mighty impressed.
                          Kim was no less amazed. "Wow! Didn't expect that."
                          Me neither but the choice was frankly obvious. The material looked so soft and pliant, yet sturdy enough for whatever you could think up, and the tail bending up over the body seemed...secure in some way. Like it would both protect and cradle you while offering excellent straddling. And best of all the silent reassurance of the demure expression, as if telling you 'it's all right, I was made for this'. I really liked its smile, but I wasn't about to tell them that. They got a shorter version.
                          "And that black and yellow went well together", I finished.
                          Kriss hadn't said anything but the sheer wonder on her face and the sparkling in her eyes made me realize I suddenly had one more reason to dread my next birthday.
                          Kim offered a supportive suggestion. "You can practice on Blowser!"
                          "Blowser?"
                          "Our dragon. Because, you know, she's nothing until someone blows 'er up!"
                          "Yeah, sure, but I feel like I'm missing something. Pun-wise."
                          "But you know, Bowser?"
                          I didn't.
                          "In Mario? The big dragon thing."
                          The penny dropped. "Bau-ser?"
                          "I thought it was Bow-ser", Kim stated. "You know, bowling, Bowie, bow tie... And that he's a bit of a bozo."
                          "Bower, bow down, bow-wow", I countered. "But he's more of a turtle thing than a dragon thing."
                          "He breathes fire!"
                          "Oh, King Koopa?" Kriss said, having even less video game savvy than me.
                          "A spiky turtle", Lex added. "He'd probably pop himself. Your expanation's enough, Blondie - Blowser's fine."
                          "She sure is." Kim looked around. "So who blows'er up?"
                          And then they all looked at me. Meaning old Cherry once more had to huff and puff her little lungs out bringing shape and volume to a toy meant to be shared. They helped with the wings spread along the ground, but that was just a couple of breaths each for Lexi and Kriss. I took some satisfaction knowing this meant the inflatable would be stuck inside the door and that Kim would have to let her down before use. The vinyl wasn't black but green though the huge eyes with the long lashes gave the impression Blowser was indeed meant to be a girl dragon too. But boobs would really have looked out of place on her.
                          Amazingly I wasn't winded when I was done. Guess the days spent with Dodo were starting to pay off. I really should be blowing him up some more but there was plenty of time - for the moment we had better things to do. Like checking if dragons are better than wolves.
                          They are, if you add some electric toys.

                          Comment

                          • Harley
                            Senior Member
                            • Jan 2016
                            • 269

                            #43
                            Re: ON THE AIR with Kimber - a Blowgirls serial

                            Episode 28

                            The very next day Kim couldn't wait to get her new shooting location in order and dressed in the best home improvement gear she could find - cargo shorts, polo shirt and a straw sun hat over hair tied back in a practical pony tail.
                            She explained what she was about to do and then unboxed the hot tub package. There were a few more parts than I'd expected but Kim consulted the instructions and listed them off. She lay the floor mat down on the lawn and dragged the main body of the bath onto it. Then she patted the rather large electrical contraption still sitting where she'd put it.
                            "This is what makes the hot tub hot and puts the bubbles in. Some call it the blower, but let's face it, that's me. It'll of course also inflate the whole thing but I think a personal touch is nice - don't you?"
                            So Kim took the ribbed hose, screwed it into the valve in the vinyl and instead of connecting it to the air machine lifted it to her lips.
                            "Here goes!" she said and inhaled.
                            I stayed long enough to watch her get started. Incredibly it seemed to work, but it would be a while before she'd be finished. Some would call that absolute idiocy, but I was in no place to do so since I was about to go work on blowing up a thirty-foot fairground dinosaur.
                            In sympathy with Kimber I kept at it until she came over to report the deed was done. My lips were aching by then but Dodo had received a massive dose of my breath and might even have grown a bit. Was hard to tell, but the soft mound was definitely rising off the ground by now. Even the long neck was taking in quite a bit of air and the wrinkled smile splayed against the ground made me feel sorry for him. I resolved to keep blowing as much as I ever could that day to hopefully straighten it out a bit. But within reason and with breaks, of course.
                            First I had to inspect the tub, though. Those aren't really that large and compared to Dodo seemed downright puny. It was round with ribbed walls and the claims of seating four sounded pretty optimistic. She'd inflated the cover and optional headrests as well and the video showed her climbing inside to attach the filters and underwater light before connecting the heating apparatus. By now it was slowly filling up with water, depriving Squirty of his hose for the moment.
                            "You realize it will be cold at first, right?"
                            "Yeah, sure - but if we start now it might be ok by tonight."
                            That turned out to be even more optimistic but it was decently lukewarm and we all shared an evening soak on principle. With a margarita each, because I hear that's traditional. And it wasn't that crowded.
                            "So what do you plan on doing with it first?" Kriss asked.
                            Kim snuggled closer to Lex. "Have sex in it, of course!"
                            I took another sip. "Apart from the obvious."
                            "Could you write something about bathing through the ages? Or just the history of these?"
                            "I could try."
                            "Great!" Kim said. "Will be perfect for the ducky."
                            Yes, one of the rideables Kriss had bought her was a giant yellow rubber duck. Correction - somewhat larger duck. It didn't hold even a birthday candle to the ship-sized monstrosity that toured the world some years ago. Kriss says that when she saw the vid of it bursting in Keelung harbor even she pitied the poor fucker who would have to blow it back up.
                            So what Kim eventually straddled for the show wasn't really that big. She talked about how ancient people had communal baths and primitive showers first seen in Greek gymnasiums before mentioning that bath houses were the most important buildings in any Roman city. Also how the practice fell out of favor after the fall of that empire and was replaced by the opposite in medieval times - people thought a layer of dirt protected them against disease. It wasn't until the discovery of germs in the 1800's that hygiene once more became something worth bothering with.
                            "Of course, this mostly applied to western civilizations. People in other parts of the world couldn't stand the smell of the early European explorers – the Aztecs didn’t follow them with incense burners to honor them… and the Japanese compared them with rancid butter."
                            Kim frowned. "Phew! Luckily we know better now, and here in the states the Civil War was a turning point - after that people wanted to build a better society and a bath a week was seen as progressive."
                            I could imagine her thoughts on that - less than a wash a day makes her miserable.
                            "We still stank up until the thirties, when soap ads finally managed to begin convincing people body odor was undesirable. Nowadays we even have these” – she patted the wall of the tub – “for home use. They used to be a very public thing and the first ones were waterfilled calderas with heated rocks. In the 700’s Japan’s first onsen – an inn built near a hot spring for bathing – opened, followed much later by ryokan – inns that usually featured communal soaking tubs, or a small one for each guest. They’re called ofuro and our versions are based on them.”
                            To some extent at least, but I’d found no contradictions.
                            “In Europe castle owners often had large tubs for private use, even in the so-called ‘dung ages’ – and mineral springs with supposed healing properties had been known for centuries before that. ‘Spa’ is the name of a city in Belgium with a famous one that became popular during the renaissance. Baths as a medical treatment is called hydrotherapy and the modern hot tub was designed for that. But when you buy a tub for your house it’s usually for a nice place to relax, right? They’re great for that too!”

                            Kimber rounded off the show and that was it for the hot tub's debut. Members got to watch the whole setup while subscribers had to settle for her blowing up the float. It was still a nice clip.
                            While Kim saw reason about the price increase she didn't want to announce it, so I bit the bullet and wrote the piece myself. I even recorded a video explaining the justification and noted that any membership begun or renewed before the end of May would get a full month at the old rate. Never been a fan of sudden changes of terms, but there had to be one. Also, as a concession to Kriss (and extended apology for the phone incident) I decided we could make a DVD like the one she'd suggested. Might make a nice souvenir for diehard fans and an excuse to mail out a few of the myriad balloons she'd saddled us with. Besides, everyone buying it would get a digital download as well in case they didn't have a way to play discs.
                            And since we did sell loons and shirts right off the bat - granted, not huge amounts - I agreed we could stock some more merch just for fun. Logo pins and car window stickers came to mind. Kriss said we really needed mugshots too, since she and Lex got paid for signed photos on a regular basis.
                            "Kimmy, yes" I said. "But who'd buy one of me?"
                            "I would."
                            Yes, we'd sold quite a few pics of the girls back at the theater, but I'd stayed out of it. It seemed implausible, to say the least. But since we had a decent camera it wouldn't cost much to try. If nothing else Kriss could wallpaper her studio with the leftovers.
                            However, she insisted on us looking our best for the job. Cue Mrs. Hewitt. She'd been mildly amused by our latest project.
                            "Balloons sure are nice", she said, "but before you told me I'd no idea people liked them in that way."
                            "Oh, they do", I said. "Was after all a main feature in our shows back east too."
                            "Live and learn."
                            Guess there's still things to discover in your mid-sixties, but Lou seemed far younger - as befitting a professional stylist. If Kriss looked like that in thirty years... Hubba hubba.
                            "They come in shapes to remind you, ones we can't really show", Kim said.
                            "I've seen some. Looked pretty harmless."
                            "Not like these you haven't."
                            As she wasn't being worked on Kim went off to fetch examples. I knew which ones she'd go for - the four-footers Kriss and I had first found in a New York adult shop. But it turned out she didn't stop there - she brought one of the now-rare, vaguely heart shaped ones too. The round parts separated more though and blew up rounder, while the tips were thicker and didn't inflate as much. Skin-toned with darker points they were fair approximations of boobs and now Kim was bringing one towards her lips to blow up. With a mighty whoosh it expanded and grew into shape until she could present it with a big grin.
                            Lou laughed. "Well, I'll be."
                            That had pretty much been my first reaction too and I was glad Kimmy had managed to fill it so neatly. There'd been lots of accidental blow to pops when the Angels inflated the props for our naughtiest promo pic by far. It had been pretty titillating (pardon the pun) to watch them all blow those up in the nude. I'd undressed too for moral support, but handled less loons.
                            "Wait 'til you see this" Kim said and stretched out the other latex shape.
                            The first thing to expand with her breath were the balls, so to speak - the base of the long thing was an imitation scrotum and you can guess where it went from there. A thick shaft grew out of it from Kim's steady puffs and when she finished it had turned into a tightly inflated penis. There was nothing limp about it and the rubber boner looked about ready to explode from the pressure. The proportionally swollen head made the likeness impossible to miss.
                            "That's some balloon!" Louise exclaimed. Then she laughed even more. "Hubby's birthday's coming up - wonder what he'd say if I brought him one of those!"
                            Kim let the air back out. "Why don't you take a couple with you? They're not too hard to blow up - here, try!"
                            With maybe just a hint of hesitation our stylist took the offering and had a go. Since it had been pre-stretched she easily filled it up a third of the way before stopping to look.
                            "Can't believe I'm doing this!" she said and resumed blowing.
                            Believe it or not but she inflated it all the way and was so amused by the results she nearly let it drop against the table corner. That would have put an end to the fun so I stuck my hand in as a buffer.
                            "You're right, I have to try! Any risk of blowing them up too much?"
                            "Oh yes", said Lex, who'd only recently started to get the knack of shaped loons. "But why don't you see how much it can take? Then you'll know."
                            This time there was unmistakable hesitation but Lou soldiered on and blew in another breath. And another.
                            "This seems like too much", she said and a moment later the balloon proved her right by exploding in her hand.
                            "Yep, I'd say that's it", Kriss noted from the doorway. "Coffee?"
                            Lou wasn't put off though and stuffed the spare pair we brought down her bag.
                            "Just don't forget there's other things to blow on birthdays", Kim reminded her. "And not just candles."
                            "It's not my first one", she replied with a smile that showed she'd been around far longer than any of us.
                            That aside, we both got sorted and ready for shooting. Kriss took far more snaps than necessary and decided she'd be the one to choose which to use.
                            "Tell you what", Lex said. "You do yours and I do mine."
                            I have to confess she picked a nice one. She had made both me and Kim blow up a logo balloon each for the occasion - several, in fact, to try different colors - and hold them for the camera. Unlike the shirts the 'with Kimber' part was included and the result was indeed much like us advertising the program. I wore a loose white blouse with oversized, stylish buttons in lieu of accessories and the heavy fabric made it look almost like a complete outfit. Kriss had insisted a burgundy balloon would look best as it matched my trousers, but since those were out of frame that didn't matter. Still, it's one of my best colors so I was satisfied. My smile made me look almost handsome in the selected shot.
                            Kriss didn't agree. "There's no 'almost' about it - you're ravishing!"
                            She's biased, of course. But Kim certainly fit that bill in her off-white blazer over a cerise wrap top with matching lipstick and a somewhat darker silk kerchief in the same hue flowing out of her chest pocket. The gold earrings and necklace were a nice offset to the sky blue balloon bringing out her eyes. It would certainly do for the DVD cover as well.
                            Speaking of that we had a lot of fun selecting episodes and recording commentaries - taking the opportunity to set some inaccuracies right. The bloopers were particularly fun and I hoped the viewers would enjoy hearing more about the circumstances. We even picked a couple of preparation vids to go a bit deeper into what went on behind the scenes.

                            That actually ties neatly into what we filmed next. As me and Kriss were about to celebrate our third anniversary with a little trip to the Rockies, we'd naturally taken out our inflatable lovers to pack. Call it silly, but it's really nice to have them along in effigy for some playful hugging and humping. On general principle, of course - we'd be doing more than enough humping on our own. But the sight of the flattened Kim had Kriss burst into laughter.
                            "We've already popped her - can't we try deflating her too?"
                            I thought back to the hundreds of skits I'd studied putting the revues together and recalled Benny Hill had made a commendable but ultimately disappointing attempt at that. But it would be a great start since Kim had been going on about doing a bubble dance á la Sally Rand at some point, and if we were shooting outside anyway it seemed like an opportunity.
                            If you've never heard of Ms. Rand, she was a burlesque dancer back in the 30's whose signature act was to dance with a semi-transparent 5-foot balloon while scantily clad, tossing and catching the rubber globe as she slowly spun and stretched her limbs in appealing ways or tiptoed in tight circles with her back against the bubble. But it was far more about the graceful movements and the illusion of handling a giant, near intangible soap-like sphere - the teasing was just a bonus. She wore enough clothes to make hiding unnecessary, and the loon was much too big and unwieldy for playing peek-a-boo.
                            Sally was actually the first person to use balloons that size and legend has it she personally paid for the R&D of the model so she could make her vision reality. Either way she's a true icon who doesn't get near enough recognition. I've often wondered if she ever tried blowing one of those up by lung power alone - I'm almost certain she did, if only to see if it could be done. She was a pioneer after all, so her at least attempting to do it is beyond plausible. And there is an old photo capturing her inflating a somewhat smaller balloon, cheeks puffed out all the way for emphasis. I say 'somewhat' because it's at least sixteen inches, which was probably pretty big by the standards of the time.
                            Anyway, if I'd worn a hat I'd tip it to her. And so would Kim, who jumped at the chance to do the thing. The dance would be no problems at all - though we'd 'merely' use a forty inch loon. That was the biggest we could find at short notice in that lack-of-color. It wouldn't fill as much of the frame either. But for the rest, our best bet was to take a page from Mr. Hill and speed up the footage of the non-dancing parts - not only would it look funny but also gloss over the unfakeable bits somewhat.
                            Long story short, the scene started with Kim entering the scene in a babydoll dress, silk scarf, stockings and heels - all in white - and carrying the empty balloon. She began blowing it up, struggling mightily, and beckoned me over. (I was looking more business-like in an open shirt, waistcoat and pants.) I took over and blew, blew and blew until I could seemingly do no more and handed it back. Kim puffed away violently until she was panting and had me continue. We made it appear we both thought it more trouble than it was worth and it was with evident relief Kim finished and tied it off.
                            I patted her shoulder before walking out and Kim began her dance, the serenity thoroughly at odds with the frantic preparations. While she did mimic some of the original moves, her version was a bit more provocative and the loon sometimes obscured her just enough for you to wish it would go away. It would, for a bit, before obstructing once more. Now and then we intercut to Lexi watching from a hiding place in the bushes, making annoyed motions for the balloon to get out of the way whenever appropriate. At long last she brought out a blowgun and fired a pellet at the vexing prop.
                            It was here it got complicated. The shot missed and instead struck the unsuspecting performer, making Kim sink to the ground with a pop and a hiss while the balloon rolled away. She made a decent impression of a deflating doll and just as she settled I ran past, shaking my fist at Lex and chasing her away. When the camera returned to Kim she'd been replaced by her floppy copy in identical attire and I knelt down, slapped on a patch and picked it up for reinflation. It doesn't take long to blow up a doll if you know what you're doing and I made sure to both turn it slightly away from the camera and bend forward with every breath. When it was just about full I froze at the lowest point and Kim hurried in to take the dummy's place, throwing it aside in the process. I pressed my lips against her skin to puff my cheeks out again and when I straightened my back so did Kim, now fully restored to working order. I pretended to plug her up and pull the white garment over the imaginary valve before patting her shoulder again and sending her out of sight. The speed returned to normal as I turned to the viewers with a sigh.
                            "Now you know how I start every workday."
                            Of course, that was just the end result, which perhaps didn't look quite as good as I made it sound like. For a start, I had to inflate the doll seven times before we managed a somewhat acceptable switch. Then there was the editing, which took a lot of time - even the parts I thought would be easy. Making the jump cuts not appear, well, jumpy was a chore and a half in itself. But I think it turned out better than Benny Hill's version at least, and he had an actual budget. It was all worth it though when a member wrote how much he loved and how much he had laughed at the thought of Kimber having to be blown up in preparation of every show.
                            I played along and wrote back that it had been one of our best-kept secrets and asked him not to reveal it to non-members.
                            Just as well it's not needed or we'd fight over who'd get to do it. And Lex would win every time, but that'd be ok since she has dibs and all.

                            Anyhow, we set off on our little trip, with the next episode on my HD for remote posting. But since this isn't 'ON THE ROAD with Kriss', I won't go into much detail except saying it was all wonderful and romantic and no matter how much I might appear to make fun of or disparage Kriss she's still the one I'll spend eternity with. The way she didn't bring a single instrument was a sure sign the love's mutual.
                            We were gone for four nights, staying in different places each time and holding hands for every walk or excursion, occasionally getting it on in semi-public places. I can't say I've really been somewhere unless I've had her there, but standing up with our clothes on does count. And back in our rooms we blew up our substitute companions every night before calling the real ones at home. Watching their smiles on the screen was enough to tide us over and we were far too busy to have time for any real longing. But once we returned all of that yearning struck at once and we spent our first hours back rebonding in bed. And all of the night.
                            "So good... Inflata-you isn't the same" I whispered while making love to Lex. I'd claimed her doll since I'd been doing Kimmy's enough for the week already.
                            "Sure ain't", she moaned. "Missed hearing your voice. Love your voice...all of you."
                            Kim was happy to see us too. "Been waiting for you. Wanna show what we've done."
                            "Wanna see what you've done. But first show what you can do..."
                            Well, even if I already knew I'd never tire of reruns.

                            Wearing a bare minimum of the most casual and comfy things in the wardrobe we were put in front of what had been filmed in our absence. Kimber was in the hot tub, wearing a tank top and daisy dukes while riding a dolphin with handles that sorta spoiled any illusion of it being anything more than a pool toy. She'd decided to talk about whales, which explained the run-of-the-mill PVC orca in front of the tub. It was too big to be in it anyway.
                            Kim made mention of their sizes and endangered status and what kinds there are, including that narwhal horns might have given rise to the myths about unicorns. I liked she'd phrased the research differently than I would've done - maybe I should let her do rewrites full time. But then she got to the part I should have seen coming, right after saying that whales sometimes get beached and that dolphins have been observed guiding them away from shores.
                            "Sadly, sometimes they don't make it. And when you've got a dead whale on the beach, you've got a problem. It's not like you can rent a U-haul to take it away. Often explosives are used to break it up in smaller chunks, which is fine as long as it goes right. But almost fifty years ago in Oregon, it didn't. They used far too much dynamite and in the wrong spot, so the sand took most of the blast and the bits that did go flying went all over the place. One landed on the explosive expert's brand new car and wrecked it, in case you think the pieces were small small. Luckily no one got injured, but the bang scared off every scavenger bird for miles so the remains remained uneaten for a while. And that had been Plan A - I don't even want to think what their backup was, if there even was one. At least it was in a sorta secluded place - fifteen years ago a whale exploded inside a Taiwanese city."
                            Evidently an unlucky country for big animals - it had been there the giant duck popped too.
                            Kim produced a card from the edge of the pool. "I've written down a helpful suggestion for transporters! 'Don't drive a huge carcass with a gas buildup on an open truck through an urban center'."
                            Words to live by. She ended the broadcast in the usual way except for an addition about "so help save the whales or we may have a 'Star Trek 4' situation to deal with in the future."
                            "Since when do you know 'Trek'?"
                            "Oh, Mandy suggested it. I sent her the script for feedback."
                            Well, if anyone knew pop culture it would be her. I'd actually consulted her myself a couple of times.
                            "But wait!" she went on. "There's more."
                            The setting shifted to the pool house, which had been cleared except for a half-deflated orca of the same kind laying right at the edge of the water. Kim came on wearing different clothes, looking very much the stereotypic dumb blonde in a white t-shirt, short pink skirt and high heel sandals. Along with the exaggerated make-up and big hoop earrings there was something dainty and inept about the entire persona, which wasn’t helped by her gasping in horror at the sight.
                            "Oh no!" she cried as she rushed over and knelt down. The camera followed, being hand-held this time.
                            "Mister whale? Can you hear me?" She patted the plastic face in mock panic. "Mister whale?"
                            She looked up at us. "I'd better try mouth to mouth!"
                            Drawing a shrill, noisy breath she blew it out against the inflatable, then did it again. "Come on! Mister whale!"
                            A third big puff was followed by a thought. "Wait, whales have blow holes, right?"
                            She fumbled around looking for it. "Where can it be... Oh! There it is!"
                            Kim pulled the valve open and sent a gigantic whoosh into it. By now my suspicions had turned into certainty. This wasn't the fresh specimen on display in the main show but Willy, our old orca who'd been subjected to repeated experiments with overinflation and sun-induced heat stretching. Long before we'd gotten the nifty adapters we'd removed the tab to make him easier to inflate, and Kim was making full use of the fact. With eyes wide open she kept huffing until the big toy had lost all its wrinkles, but in true bimbo fashion she just kept going. Along the way she had straightened her legs and was now standing - blowing with all her might into the black and white vinyl that was slowly expanding beyond the rated and recommended size.
                            We'd put Willy away after realizing further attempts were likely to burst him and that had never been more evident than now. He was looking more like an enormous orca balloon than a pool toy and if Kim really was as worried about as his health as she appeared she should have stopped forcing more air into his body. But she didn't and I was mesmerized by the girth - I'd never seen an inflatable blow up that much past its original shape. And Kimmy managing to do it by mouth had my heart racing. I grasped her hand in appreciation of that strength and felt her fingers intertwine with mine. Knowing what was about to happen might have made her think it was out of fear, since her on-screen self only had time to add two more humongous puffs before the overblown orca popped.
                            POOM!
                            The camera shook at the sound but not enough to spoil the shot of black plastic splitting open, recoiling and collapsing while Kim jumped back with a more adorable than terrified "Eep!"
                            She looked down at the ruined mammal. "So that's why blowing up stranded whales is a bad idea...!"
                            I was all over her the moment she pressed pause. If the power demonstration hadn’t been enough in itself, being done by someone who’d looked incapable of puffing the fuzz off a dandelion certainly did the trick.
                            "God, kitten, you turn me on so much!"
                            "Should we move?" Kriss wondered.
                            Lexi cupped her face. "I blew up the other one. That worth anything?"
                            It evidently was as she soon joined hands with Kim while being rewarded for their exertions. Me and Kriss work well in tandem too.

                            I orally complimented them on the episode as well - in words, this time - and got shown the preparation vids that proved Lex wasn't lying. The dolphin was all Kim's though, but the interesting part was hearing them discuss how much air to put into the beached Willy, taking turns adding more until they'd reached the previously seen size. They even let some out to get it just right, though I'm sure no one would have noticed the difference.
                            So that was three new member videos. But none for regular subscribers, as Kim pointed out.
                            "That's always just been a fun extra", I said. "A simple click shouldn't net you this kind of rewards."
                            "Just feels wrong leaving them high and dry."
                            Kriss solved it. "Again, how about playing something on your sax when you can't think of anything else?"
                            Kim agreed and they went to shoot a shortened rendition of 'Beyond the Sea' - after practicing, of course, and Kriss' coaching methods are very encouraging.
                            Meanwhile, I went to check on Dodo to make sure he hadn't deflated while I was gone. He hadn't but there was no magical growth either. So I sat down with a sigh. Compensating for those days would take more than a whale of an effort.
                            Lexi entered the tent sheltering me from the sun.
                            "Thought you might like some company."
                            "Sure would."
                            "Then sit on my lap. Let me hold and kiss and touch..."
                            As she too began to make up for lost time I felt it more than compensated for the rest.

                            Comment

                            • ChillinHaze
                              Senior Member
                              • Sep 2016
                              • 133

                              #44
                              Re: ON THE AIR with Kimber - a Blowgirls serial

                              So this is during the time Dodo was getting fed a bit too much? :P

                              The topic of baths and hotsprings was really interesting, especially about the japanese onsen ^^
                              Would love to visit Japan just to try those out!

                              Comment

                              • Harley
                                Senior Member
                                • Jan 2016
                                • 269

                                #45
                                Re: ON THE AIR with Kimber - a Blowgirls serial

                                Episode 29

                                June came around and with it the changes in membership. Of course there was grouching and we naturally lost some people, but the ones who stayed at the increased price more than made up for that. And a couple even stated they'd expected a raise, since they could hardly believe the old rate. Anyhoo, it wasn't a disaster and we kept selling a little merch too.
                                As you can imagine, splitting the content made Kriss feel her fans were deprived of something they'd gotten used to and thought up a way to somewhat make up for that. Starting right away she and Lex would congratulate all members born that month with a new arrangement of 'Happy Birthday'. For June they dressed up in summery outfits with Kriss in light tan and one of her wide-brimmed hats while Lex wore her most-used wig with a slight side part and hair reaching past the shoulders. She looked very pretty in her pastel lavender dress, backing Kriss' trombone up on her trumpet. Oh, and they naturally began the segment with spoken well-wishes before blowing up a sixteen-inch balloon with the relevant print each - this time a leaf green and a deep blue one. Those were put on sticks to frame the performers while they played an airy rendition of the tune.
                                It was actually a very nice idea and I made sure to give my beloved proper credit and appreciation. Kim decided she wanted in on that too, the copycat, but she began with blowing the song on her sax before listing famous people born that month. Actually, she named one for each day before asking who you shared a b-day with.
                                "Whoever it is, I hope you'll have a really nice one! Happy birthday to you!"
                                Then she blew up a balloon from the same package the others had used, choosing a bright red one for the first instalment and waving it slightly with a big smile for the birthday boy or girl. So you see - we did add a new feature right off the bat.
                                Yes, yes, I know fetish sites charge more for less, but we didn't have to pay models or rent locations and we already had the bandwidth. Besides, it was mostly about giving Kim something worthwhile to do, and I wanted to preserve at least a bit of the illusion of primarily offering infotainment. Which we strictly speaking did - the fetish angle was just an (admittedly intended) byproduct.

                                We'd gotten a podium for the inflatable chair so shooting in the studio could resume. Kim wanted to give her heritage some love and of course I was fine with that. While she is merely descended from immigrants she does have distant relatives in Sweden and was in fact born there - her parents had thought it safe to attend a huge family reunion in the old country but she decided to arrive in this world a month early. Free healthcare must be a wonderful thing.
                                I bring this up because it turns out their national day is June 6 and Kim wanted the show to go out on that date. She has an amazingly cute traditional dress, which of course was absolutely mandatory, and wore it while blowing up yellow and blue balloons for the studio. She even arranged them in the shape of the Swedish flag, though it didn't exactly take advanced geometry knowledge.
                                Kimber greeted everyone with a hearty "Heyy!" - their most common form of hello, I'm told.
                                "Today's Sweden's national day - you know, that country north of mainland Europe. It's not small - the size of California, actually - but only about ten million live there. Maybe it's too cold? They say it's pretty much like Canada."
                                She went on to list other facts, like the name of the capital (Stockholm) and that they haven't been at war for over two hundred years. "But before that they used to fight all the time and controlled several countries. One king even went all the way down to Turkey and brought back a dish from there - the famed 'Swedish' meatballs."
                                I wasn't aware of the indigenous people - the sami, traditionally reindeer herders - or that you are allowed to walk or camp on private land as long as you don't litter or disturb the nature. I did know a bit about Swedish music, mainly ABBA and Ace of Base. And of course Bergman - both Ingmar and Ingrid. I sure hope they make fun movies too.
                                "Their main exports are cars - like Volvo - and me!" Kim said. "I was actually born in the city of Kalmar" - she didn't pronounce it the way I would have - "but my parents have lived in the States all my life. Granny and gramps know how to speak Swedish so I've picked some up from them...and all the naughty words from their dictionary. You may laugh at IKEA products but they're actually mostly named after places - or an adjective related to what they are. At least gramps says so. Those dots above some letters give them new sounds though and here's a challenge for you - try to say after me!"
                                She held up a card with a big 'Ö' and for the life of me I can't make the sound she demonstrated. Think of the vocal in 'her' or 'fur' and you're headed in the right direction. Kriss can, but she knows French and its closer to their 'eu'. 'Å' was just 'oh' though, and 'Ä' starts off 'air'.
                                "How about a little language lesson?" She indicated the wall behind her. "Feena balonger, vah? Means 'Nice balloons, right?' "
                                Yeah, she might not have said it exactly that way but it's what I heard. She suddenly put on a mischievous expression and a playful inflection.
                                "Skah jahg blohsa uhp ehn till?"
                                Kim looked expectantly at the camera as if awaiting a response.
                                "Or in English - shall I blow up another one? I should? Okay!"
                                She took out a white one with a rectangular print of the pattern behind her. She put a big breath into it and the balloon grew to resemble a fat drop, the flag expanding along with the rubber. The next exhale blew it up even more and soon she had inflated it to a neat eleven inches. But looking at the results she seemed to make an unpleasant discovery.
                                "Deht air fehl sort."
                                I don't think we have that 'e' sound either - another reason the language seems so foreign. Kim at least offered a translation - "It's the wrong kind."
                                She looked perturbed. "Vahd skah yahg djura mehd dehn doh?" A beat. "Then what to do with it?"
                                Suddenly she lit up. "Kansheh yahg bourdeh smellah dehn?"
                                There was no mistaking the enthusiasm in either language. "Maybe I shoud pop it!"
                                Still full of anticipation Kim produced something thin, steely and sharp. "Aha! Ehn nohl!"
                                This time I needed no translation but she provided one anyway - "Aha! A pin!"
                                Twirling it in the air she jabbed at the loon which burst and sent the top half flying towards me.
                                "PAHNG!" Kim exclaimed and if you don't understand that I'm sorry.
                                "So much for that", she went on and put away her temporary props. I picked up the latex piece and saw it appeared to have been cut off with serrated scissors - the edged was jagged almost evenly in tiny points. Hadn't seen that too often - physics are weird.
                                "Anyway, I just thought this would be a good time to reveal a bit about myself.”
                                I was relieved she didn’t slip up with ‘of myself’. That had meant quite a retake.
                                “Sorry if I got anything wrong – I’d be happy if you’d correct me!” She did the same old routine before saying goodbye in the old language. "Hey doh!"
                                As everyone had already got to see some blowing and popping Kim played the national anthem for the subscribers. The Swedish one, that is. She had wanted to do it on the birch bark trumpet she'd acquired on Kriss' behalf for her collection, but getting a tune out of that is really, really hard. So the saxophone would have to do.
                                Kissing and fondling her afterwards was very odd and very arousing thanks to the old-time country girl clothes. Kim smelled and tasted as good as always of course but the outfit was a bit off. And had to be taken off.
                                "Mmm", I sighed. "How do you say 'horny' in Swedish?"
                                I got a whispered reply. "Koht..."
                                "Then I'm koht."
                                Kim bit my ear and mimicked my Swenglish. "Yagh too."

                                Alex was amazed at her wife's sorta-fluency. "It's never sounded that...real before."
                                "Been watching a lot of kid's shows to brush up. Not like I can hold a conversation."
                                "That explains your approach."
                                "Yeah! Thought it'd be fun to do something like that. You know, the presenter fooling around with toys."
                                I held my tongue but Lexi didn't. Her line of thought ran in another direction, though.
                                "Bet there are looners watching that kind of thing just hoping for it to happen."
                                "Oh, for sure", Kriss said. "There are worse ways to spend your time."
                                Kim nodded. "Prolly real rewarding when it does. Hope someone was happy I did it!"
                                I hadn't the heart reminding her people went in fully expecting it. "Someone's always happy to see you."
                                And they were, according to the comments. Many expressed surprise at her origins and two were written in Swedish - one general greeting and one 'Jag gillar när du smäller ballonger'. I made a guess and Kim confirmed it meant 'I like it when you pop balloons'.
                                "Weird word", Kriss said. "Sounds like you're sniffing them."
                                I agreed but was told "'Ehn smell' is 'a bang', literally."
                                Kriss jumped at that. "Bet he'd love it when you bang balloons then!"
                                Don't we all.

                                Overall, we were in great spirits but the mood was somewhat dampened not long after that. I don't like to speak about what happened to Dodo since I still feel guilty about it, but the one thing I didn't mention last time was the repair man's reaction. He asked where the compressor was and when Kriss said we didn't have one and had blown it up by mouth he thought it a jolly good joke. Then my wife produced the video evidence and that shut him up real quick. He just shook his head and went to work, probably thinking we were crazy enough he'd be lucky to escape with his life.
                                The show did go on though and then Kim added yet another request.
                                "I've wanted to do a James Bond thing forever. Or Jamie Bond."
                                "Jamie Blonde, even. Lemme guess, you found an occasion related to it in some way."
                                "Yeah!" she nodded. "It's gonna be thirty years since 'License to Kill' came out real soon."
                                I thought back a bit. "The shitty one with the exploding head?"
                                "That's it. But it's the first time any dates have lined up!"
                                "Doable, I guess." I'd watched - and enjoyed - enough of those films to feel confident I could do it. But once again I could have used a little more time.
                                I didn't ask which of the leading ladies she'd planned on emulating. I knew she just wanted an excuse to dress like the eponymous hero.
                                Of course I called a council on the subject and as we sat down to talk about our personal favorites it obviously turned to the important stuff.
                                "So who's the sexiest Bond?" Kriss asked.
                                "Connery" I said. "Always and forever."
                                Kim chimed in. "Daniel Craig."
                                "Of the real ones."
                                "Timothy Dalton then. It's that bad boy vibe, you know."
                                We knew. Kriss and Lex were both on team Brosnan but Alex had a caveat.
                                "Roger Moore wasn't too bad when young."
                                "Younger", I said. "He was older than Sean."
                                "No shit? Daamn."
                                Well-preserved or not, I can't count him as a serious contender since he popped Yaphet Kotto. Swear to god, 'Live and Let Die' ends with him force-feeding the villain a gas capsule which makes him float to the ceiling and explode. I almost died laughing when I saw it and that's not a good thing when watching a Bond movie. Yeah, I know I just spoiled that flick but to be honest it kinda spoiled itself on release.
                                "Sexiest Bond girl then?"
                                That took some debating and we hit a stalemate when it couldn't be decided whether only the ones ending up with James counted.
                                "Any of the actresses ever wear a tux for promotions?" Kim asked. "They should be contractually obliged."
                                "Dunno and don't think so." Wasn't like I'd looked.
                                "Gladys Knight did", Kriss stated.
                                Lex shook her head. "She just sung the theme. That counts?"
                                "No", Kim said. "Shame. Would have loved Pussy Galore in one."
                                I'm sure you can imagine the comments.

                                When the time came to do the show Kim dressed up without being contracted to, and while I'm not complaining, oh no, the turndown collar shirt isn't quite my thing. But she still sure looked damned fine, jacket buttoned and hair combed smooth but far from flat. She could have passed for one of those Bond girls that only have one or two scenes. The martini glass on the desk held lemon water, but gave the right impression.
                                Speaking of impressions she had evidently planned ahead and bought silver mylar balloons to write out '007'. I decided not to ask where she'd gotten hold of the black latex ones with the same number printed in gold. They looked like they belonged to some movie release promotion and could for all I knew be pretty old. One of them bursting right in her face kinda lent it some credence.
                                Not counting that one, she blew up nine of those for the backdrop before filling the foil balloons. The classy clothes made it appear like she was preparing a cinema foyer for the grand premiere. Like always she had me straighten her tie and lapels right before the shoot and I took the opportunity to talk figures.
                                "Why nine?"
                                "The double-O's", she said, which made some kind of weird sense.
                                "You only had twelve, right? So that means there's two left."
                                She nodded. Then, with uncanny timing, one of the balloons went PAF on the wall.
                                "One", she said and began blowing up the other.

                                The decorations restored, the presenter took her seat and introduced herself.
                                "The name's Blonde - Kimber Blonde. Today we'll have a look at one of my fellow agents - James Bond."
                                (That's from the retake. At first she gave James her own surname too.)
                                She mentioned the significance of the date and why she'd chosen it to look at the franchise as a whole. First she went into how it began as novels by Ian Fleming and how he chose the spy theme by drawing on his wartime intelligence service and stole the hero's moniker from the author of an ornithology book.
                                "It was the movies that made it a household name though."
                                Kim listed the names and release years of the first ones and how the gimmicky gadgets had really captured the public imagination. And the official one too, as the US Navy called up the prop maker to express a very serious interest in the tiny underwater breathers seen in 'Thunderball' - wanting specifics on how long the air lasted. They were pretty miffed to be told 'as long as you can hold your breath'. But they wouldn't be the last to mistake non-functioning props for the real deal and some of those inventions would be really awesome if they could only be made to work.
                                The actor changes were discussed and how the Moore era was less coldblooded than Connery's. If it was less sexist is debatable but it could hardly be worse. Dalton was tough but maybe too gritty and then Pierce Brosnan brought Bond a few emotions. George Lazenby, who wasn't an actor but a model proved at least one of the male leads got hired solely on appearance. Whether Craig can be said to have anything in common with the earlier versions is questionable, but Kim likes him and said so. Her show, her words.
                                The conclusion was that the latest iteration was more like the books and a little more grounded in reality, as opposed to the increasingly spectacular and over-the-top extravaganzas of the last century. "But it doesn't matter which you prefer - as the end credits say, 'James Bond will return'. And so will I! If you've enjoyed this ep, why not like and subscribe? Got some classified clips 'for your eyes only'."
                                After that she naturally had to make good on the promise and record a brand new one. It was short and to the point, as those should be.
                                "Best part about being an action hero is that blowing stuff up is part of the job description", agent Blonde stated. "Or maybe the cool gadgets. I've been issued these portable explosions."
                                She drew the final 007 balloon from a pocket and began to inflate it without delay, though she was far from in a hurry. Three puffs in she took it from her lips and cocked her head at the camera.
                                "They're excellent for distractions."
                                Well, at least if you look like Kim and handle them just like her. Someone might have been able to sneak an elephant past my back without me noticing, if it kept silent.
                                The balloon wouldn't go quietly but that wasn't the point - rather how long it would last as Kimber kept blowing without a care in the world, like it was only a part of the job. Which for her it was, even if she'd taken it on herself. Just as the loon's neck began to stretch out the black latex burst almost gently, the torn pieces more falling than flying to the sides. The pop wasn't too loud either but definitely adequate - in fact, it had probably been less effective with a more violent bang. This was so casual you really got the impression that sort of thing happened all the time in the world of international espionage.
                                "Got your attention, didn't it? Wouldn't look behind me if I were you", Kim smirked.
                                Her smile returned to normal. "Well, gotta go. I've got a rundeevoo with my archenemy... Blow-feld. Ta-ta for now!"
                                She didn't shoot the camera at the end, but of course we had to replicate the gun barrel opening - finding a replica overlay wasn't hard. But Kim didn't fire a pistol but a blowgun and I substituted the blood with sounds of the would-be assassin popping and the rifle clattering to the floor. If Roger Moore could explode his opponents, so could she.
                                Most of that happened later in the editing room, though. As we finished recording she came up and took hold of my shoulders.
                                "If you wanna be a Bond girl you're gonna need another name."
                                I'd actually given that some thought. And since Cherry Poppins was taken I'd gone slightly more realistic. Not the done thing in those movies, I know.
                                "Luna Popov, I guess."
                                Kim twirled a strand of my hair round a finger. "You know, Luna, Bond always get the girl in the end. Do I, too?"
                                "Seems like it", I grinned. "Though they seem to end up in lifeboats a lot."
                                What we owned in that department was drydocked in a cupboard, and more importantly, not in the room. Kim grasped me in a fierce embrace that set my pulse running.
                                "Ain't got time to blow it up. Do you?"
                                "I thought you just said blowing stuff up was the best part of the job..."
                                "This is off-hours, Miss Popov. Though I could probably find something to blow if I look hard enough..."
                                "Kiss me, Jamie."

                                If James Bond's half as good in bed I understand why he keeps scoring. I found myself thinking back on Kim's after-credits work as I put the show together. Then it struck me there was something we really should have filmed. I located the star lounging in front of some other filmed entertainment.
                                "Would you mind getting back in the spy suit?"
                                "For you, Luna, anytime."
                                "It's actually for the members", I admitted, watching Kim deflate. I blew her back up under cover of a kiss.
                                "I thought you could show what a great shot you are."
                                Said and done. Kim donned the formalwear once more and stocked up on pellets.
                                "Being an agent means having to keep in practice. I like getting some in whenever I can. Since I've got the perfect targets I thought I'd show you."
                                She put some ammo in her mouth and shot one of the studio balloons to pieces with her blowgun. The second shot ricocheted off the wall, but the third and fourth caused two more subdued bangs. Then she missed twice in a row and had to reload.
                                "The sight must be off", Kim said and pretended to adjust it. Dunno if she aimed extra carefully or just got lucky, but the remaining balloons met one explosive end after another. A final salvo resulted in three misses and three punctured mylars.
                                "Seems I just wounded those", she said. "But they've been neutralized anyway."
                                Kim slipped the last of the pellets between her lips, grabbed a balloon left behind in a previous shoot from under the desk and threw it into the air. Then she fired the entire magazine at once, tearing the target to pieces with a last, definite pop. It was clearly something she did just for fun and the hell of it, and it showed. I'd never object to such a gleeful and spontaneous finish, though. It made the whole thing better somehow.
                                "Now, are you sure there’s nothing more I should do while looking the part?"
                                I stroked her hair. "Let's go find that damn boat. I want the full experience."

                                The episode was more popular than I'd thought and made Kriss and Alex decide they just had to record a cover of the Bond theme for their channel - in similar getups. They're not nearly as bad about it as Kim, but won't pass up an opportunity to tease n' please.
                                I wished I could get back at them all at once so I waited until they were sunbathing together, then put on a police uniform, Kim's favorite scent, and brought my tuba to show Kriss I was more than happy to do things she enjoyed too.
                                The result was probably more confusing than enticing, though I did get their attention. And once they caught on I played the piper with some success, albeit with a rather more unwieldy instrument. I got them where I wanted at any rate.
                                Maybe I didn't get the point entirely across, but what they gave me for my troubles was more than worth it.

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