Past re enactment

[Loon119]

Right this is a hard one to ask. Been struggling with it for months but this is the only place to put the subject and I'm sure one of you awesome lot will wade in with honest thoughts
It's quite a problematic subject for me so bear with me if you can
Basically long story short. my mum was not pleasant to me as a child. 14 years of a lot of bad stuff. Balloons were one of her hated objects. They were my comfort blanket and made me happy. She realised this and me and happy was a no no. She used to destroy my balloons in front of me as I begged her to stop. And this triggered my phobia which now at 37 I struggle with. As we all know my wife understands and is helping me with it and I am super cool when she pops but cannot do a full blown party yet.
So my issue is this. A few weeks back my wife did a full blown dominant play session where she was like I'm bursting any inflated balloon, that particular balloon has annoyed me, I've always wanted to burst that balloon. We don't need that arch get rid of it. Etc. She also as part of my desensitizing got me to pin pop a few small very soft balloons as they didn't really bang, I was in control mostly of when that pin actually punctured the balloon. Anyway I enjoyed the whole thing.
And now for the part I'm struggling with.
I had a dream a couple days after her session and basically she was my mum. No she didn't have her face, all that business. She was just saying stuff like why do you want these balloons, your too old, our bedroom full of these stupid balloons and in the dream she was nail popping and blow popping my balloons and I was throwing myself over the balloons trying to stop her but wanting her to pop. I woke up sweaty, heart racing and needing new underwear.
I broached the subject with my wife of her taking on a role of a dominant who is against my fetish, who sees the balloons as a nuisance and basically every single balloon needs destroying by any means necessary. She however didn't think it was a good idea as she obviously knows about everything that happened well most of it especially the balloon stuff and thinks it may trigger a lot of.upset or negative thoughts about her as a wife destroying my beloved balloons. I personally think I can cope and differentiate between nasty wife and beloved, understanding, helpful wife. It's only a play role exactly as.if she dressed as a police officer and "arrested" me it's not real the wife doesn't want to arrest me. Surely the dominant, bitchy, balloon hating wife will be the same. The wife is lovely and understanding and doesn't want to destroy all my balloons. What's your thoughts on this and should I persuade her it's going to be absolutely awesome and fun or will it trigger something and I'll end up not liking her around my balloons
Give me all your thoughts on it
Thanks

[Dust of the Saturn]

Re: Past re enactment

I can't predict how you'll end up thinking and behaving but I say definitely have a safe word and proceed with caution and slowly.

Maybe also switch roles every set amount of balloons or time. for example, after 15 balloons pop while she's having the bitchy mom role, the next 15 balloons are to be enjoyed normally and sensually between you two, just to relax and deflate a little. Then you go do the other 15 balloons again in the role you love.

But yet again I don't think it would be fair to persuade your partner into anything but obviously it wouldn't hurt trying to find alternatives or compromises.

[ball00nd00d]

Re: Past re enactment

this is why safe words are a thing in bdsm (the act you are trying to do with balloons). soon as you say the safe word she should immediately stop role playing and popping

[Scooter]

Re: Past re enactment

It also may be a good idea to ease into it a little, and maybe make a scenario that is more detached from those events in your life to help you separate them. So instead of your wife playing someone who's aggressive and mean regarding the balloons, perhaps the emotion could be something more like disgust? Maybe a little bratty, if you're into that? "Ugh, why are you playing with balloons when you could be playing with me??" That type of attitude. And then once you've tested that out, you could go for something even more dominant like you're describing.

But if you do want to jump into the deep end with this, as others have said, make sure you have a safe word of some kind in case things get too intense. And make sure you're not forcing your wife to do something she doesn't want to do either. So all in all it's not impossible to do right, but it's going to take a good amount of communication between you two to make sure you both are comfortable doing it.

[b0f0s0f]

Re: Past re enactment

Sounds fun in my opinion, maybe it could even help you displace the bad memories from childhood with better ones of your wife roleplaying for you. I'd say go for it as long as you're comfortable. Personally, a lot of the things I find most arousing are directly related to events that were the most terrifying growing up, so it's not surprising that you find this roleplay idea compelling.