Sexually incompatible

Re: Sexually incompatible

This is deep for sure. I know exactly what you are dealing with. I have been married to my wife for 15 years. The first few years were great although my wife is very reserved and our sex life has always been vanilla, it was great the first few years till about 7 years. We have kids together and her body has changed. For her sex is not as enjoyable as it used to be. I love my wife and tell her always how beautiful she is and how much I love her. I will do anything for her but in the end nothing has worked. It is actually the way I ended up here. I myself really love the look of bright colored, fun looking, latex on women. And yes I am a boob guy I think they are great. So to me balloons just remind me of boobs in latex. My wife came home from a field trip where they saw a person climb inside a balloon. I had secretly really wanted to try that because it looked fun. So because she was so excited about it, I started looking for them and found this site for tips and BubbleXL which sells them. So I finally told her about my attraction to the idea of seeing her in latex and maybe getting a Climb in balloon. She was all for it but hesitant on the clothing for her because she doesn't like the confined feeling. We got the balloons and I tried it out and it was awesome but she quickly changed her tune about trying to get inside or do anything with it or me while I was in it. I was so disappointed because I thought I finally found something that would excite her and bring her back out of her shell. But not even close. I am constantly asking her about what kind of things I can do for her that would get her excited but she just doesn't have anything or won't share. Eventually it got so depressing that it started affecting my ability to perform at all. And then she finally realized that if she didn't start showing any interest in our love life at all that it would be the end of our love life completely. Things have gotten back to normal vanilla but still not like the old days. The excitement of the possibilities and adding balloons to our sex life as a prop of sorts to get her excited, excited me a lot as well, but I personally have absolutely no feeling for balloons.
But the thought of her playing with balloons that was very exciting... And do you know why .... because a woman that is smiling and having fun is the most beautiful thing there is and when shes your GF/wife wow that's even better.

In the end women's body/ desires change as they get older. Some get more sexual, some less. Sometimes it's the things that excite them that changes.

I think it is very important that you find the right moment to sit down with her and talk about things. And to tell her a lot during that conversation how much you love her and how much you want to please her. Maybe you got a little to excited about having balloon time with her and that look on her face and the way she teased you just made your love life so much more special than anything had before. I would suggest trying to see if there is anything she would like to explore, different positions, different places/rooms etc and maybe if she could reintroduce balloons just once in a while even if it was only a couple times a year. Let her know how much more excited you were when she was participating with you.
So make a nice dinner, set a movie ready, talk about things then maybe just suggest some romance that evening without balloons just to prove how much you care about her. Just don't wait 8 years to talk about it.

It obviously was not just the balloons that excited you as much or you would not have posted what you did.

As for me I love my wife so so much and even though I suffer inside, I will keep trying and hopefully I will find that one thing that brings out her inner animal in the bedroom.

Good luck I wish you both the best.

DJ

Re: Sexually incompatible

I am sort of in the same boat. We'll be married 11 years in June and together for 14. She is very vanilla when it comes to sex. I opened up to her about my fetish while we were still dating and we included balloons a few times. As the years went on and kids came along, balloons rarely get used. She went through the phase of thinking that I was more attracted to the balloons than her but I explained that she was what turned me on and the balloons only enhanced the experience for me. I will occasionally blow balloons up at night just to have them in bed with us. No interaction, but just them being there and touching me gets me off even harder. I also use certain balloons like a body pillow (body pillows don't work for me) at night to help me sleep. Nothing sexual about them being there. This was something else that I had a discussion with my wife about.

It's all about communicating. The other night I decided to tell her about all the things I wanted to do with her and balloons when we had a hotel room for her birthday last month. I told her that I didn't even bring any of it up at the time because I know how she feels about balloons and I didn't want to put her in a situation she wasn't comfortable with. She then asked me if I had any balloons that I wanted to blow up and use right then. I told her no that I just wanted her. I would have loved to blow up a giant doll or something else to play with but beings we live with her family and our kids share a room with us, that wasn't going to happen. So I just go along with us having "vanilla" sex with a couple different positions and things are good.

If she is into toys, try introducing a 260Q modeling balloon to use on her. Just fill the last 10-12" of the balloon and tie it off. Make it just barely firm so you can squeeze it while it's inserted to make it get bigger and smaller inside her. My wife loves it. The next time I do this I'm going to put a cock ring on the back of the 260Q to make it vibrate inside her. Start with this and maybe you will be able to start adding other balloons back in. Just make sure that you can pleasure her with them.

I wish you luck and hope things work themselves out so you are both happy and satisfied.

Re: Sexually incompatible

There was a moment where my wife felt the balloons were more of a focus than her. Instead of deflecting, I recognized that wether I intended it or not that’s how she felt, and since we are dealing with an emotional situation any facts were moot. I took stock of how I was and realized that while she was always #1 I was very enthusiastic about having balloons. In fact our tatami room was filled, floor to near ceiling, with 16”, 24” and 36” balloons. It was amazing, but I could see how she felt she wasn’t the focus. The solution? I popped them all and chucked my stash; and we went vanilla for months. It had the desired result except for one thing. I was bored and was getting frustrated; I began losing interest in sexual relations and was turning to private sessions alone to getting my balloon fix. This was not healthy. We were living together and still got on very well but there was a distance that was growing. So I sat down and laid it all out. We loved each other so it she was very receptive and balloons were brought back, but in a balanced way. While it made things slightly less spontaneous we would make love however she wanted with NO balloons around. When she was satisfied (she actually says she is “popped” when she’s satisfied now), it was my turn. Out came the balloons and the fun began. When we married and kids came along we couldn’t maintain balloons or pop them anymore. But again we talked about our needs. We continue to make love (though quieter than before) and still use balloons, but only in ones or twos. She might blow one up to ride while inflating the other. She might let me keep one and hide it in the closet for another time. If her mom can take the kids she prepares a balloon room as a surprise, usually around my birthday. But the key here was that we didn’t drift apart. She is not a balloon fetishist by any stretch but loves to use them to make me happy, as I love spanking her to make her happy. Sexuality MUST be mutual. If it only satisfies one person than it isn’t intimacy. It’s not making love. It’s just sex. It’s just getting your rocks off. At which point you might as well not even bother with sex and just stick to porn. But that will lead down a pretty sad path where you find yourself living with a really good friend, rather than a deep and intimate lover who you care for deeply. Both partners must be willing to please each other, not on cue or by demand, but on a desire to do so. If your partner doesn’t want to do what pleases you and you are doing all you can to please them. You’re simply a toy for their needs and it isn’t love. Beyond money, sexual intimacy problems kill relationships. Communication and honesty is the only solution. If you are willing to live in a one-sided sex life than you are free to do so; just note you will get resentful and frustrated... and that will only harm you and those you love.

Re: Sexually incompatible

I haven't actually posted before on this forum although have lurked for a while. Something triggered my need to respond to this as I too have had a very similar experience. I think there is nothing more painful than an unrequited desire to share your fetishes with a partner. I am relatively young with respect to many members of this forum so I have often held back the fetish from partners for fear of defamation post breakup.

My childhood sweetheart discovered my love for balloon play through my own carelessness. We lived with parents but she found shards in the bin in my room when she was over. I let loose and told her and it was met with mixed reactions, mainly surprise but it wasn't negative. I felt releived and excited that it was off my chest and also that we may include it in future sexual encounters. We had a flailing love life so I don't know why I expected things to change. At this point we were 3 years in, but for a year or so afterwards she did try the bare minimum to accommodate balloon play and then for the remaining few years of the relationship I did not mention it again through my own embarrassment.

I entered a new relationship that was more mature and more open. The girl (who is my current partner) is much more sexual and I decided I would make a point of opening up about it from the start in a playful way. We discussed it in detail over a drunken night and we had one play session that was incredible. Over a year and half later we haven't had another experience with balloons. This is in part due to COVID as we live with friends who are always in and we wouldn't want them to hear. However, I also sense that she has no interest in the fetish either which triggers a deep embarrassment in me - an example of this is for her birthday recently, I decorated our room with 10-15 Q16 helium balloons and we had a free house. I was quietly hoping we would include later that evening in play but they were pushed to one side and not interacted with whatsoever until I untied the half-knots and let them down the following day.

I echo what Balloon with a Pin says as I've been in some very one-sided relationships as far as being intimate and it certainly leads to resentment. Also, between relationships I sought the services of an escort in an attempt to experience balloon play with someone else. It didn't give me the satisfaction I craved as what I really wanted was to play with someone that shared the fetish or at least someone who wanted to try enjoy it FOR me.

I supress my fetish now in the hope, like many, that my partner takes the initiative some day and I come home from work to a room full of balloons. It feels impossible but like DJ said, I continue as my love for my partner outweighs the feeling of emptiness from an unfulfilling sex life. There will always be compromise in relationships, maybe you hate when your partner talks too loudly on the phone or your partner nags at you when you return home late from work but I feel a successful relationship is knowing you can tolerate the resent for the right person.

Ultimately, I don't think you're expectations will ever truly be met unless your partner gets a hit over the head and wakes up with a fresh attitude towards the fetish. Apologies with the negative outlook but I wish you well nonetheless.

Re: Sexually incompatible

I feel I have to say this, but please do not misunderstand me nor do I wish you ill in your current relationships, we are all adults and capable of making decisions in the end that we can live with; BUT (yeah I know everything before that doesn’t matter) it sounds like there is an undertone to many rationalizatons here that I had. This is because I said the exact same thing to myself and made the exact same excuses to myself. “I love them so much I can sacrifice this deep part of me. I am willing to suffer for them”. It’s noble, it’s also not the way to have a lasting love. YOU HAVE VALUE! Don’t let yourself think otherwise. I know that feeling. “This is my only chance at love. I have to settle with what I have. No one else will be attracted to me so I just have to accept this”. While your internal monologue may differ it comes back to the same thing. You are crushing a part of yourself for someone else and no reciprocation on their part. That is devastating. I respectfully disagree, it’s not the same as resentment over vacuuming or nagging. Those are peripheral and are mild annoyances that don’t attack the core of your love for each other; but a one-sided sex life? No one deserves to be a noble sacrifice, especially if their partner doesn’t even recognize it. You told them this deep part of yourself, you’ve shown honesty and vulnerability. That’s incredibly powerful and they’ve done what with it? “Uhh... wow... that’s different.... uhhh.... thanks I guess”. If they aren’t willing to meet you halfway, to know that you desire this and them come from a genuine place of love to try to meet that need, then what are you to this person? A good friend, a sex partner, just some person who happens to live with them services their needs from time to time and takes out the trash? Now it takes two sides. If you are suffering SPEAK OUT! If at the end of that they aren’t willing to try or reject it then they aren’t for you. You have value and deserve to be happy. Suffering in silence is not a relationship, it’s a business partnership. If they are receptive then the onus is now on you to make her the focus WITH balloons. If you obsess over them she’ll feel like she is the prop and the balloons are the star which is also terrible. Now if you do this and they feel like they aren’t the focus; especially after having sacrificed for them and been silent for so long, than they don’t appreciate your love. All of us deserve to be loved and part of a mutually respectful relationship. That takes effort on both parties. A LOT of effort. These things don’t come easy and can’t be treated as mundane. DO NOT STAY IN A SUFFERING AND SEXUALLY FRUSTRATING RELATIONSHIP! It will drag on for years and end in tears. I have been there more than one time. I plead that you don’t let that happen. Talk. Communicate. Work hard for each other. Please each other. If those don’t apply some else deserves your love.

Re: Sexually incompatible

If there was any way possible to nominate pin's 2nd post on this thread as post of the year, id do it.
I'm really sorry to hear about these type of circumstances. I'll respectfully disagree with some of the other replies if I may. I dont believe this is the sort of thing that warrants flowers, special dinners and special treatment at all. Because your partners have done the exact opposite of what they should have done to deserve things like that. It is time however to have a serious talk about what it as that you want or need. Requesting some balloon play here and there isn't and shouldn't be a big deal at all. It isn't demeaning to your partner, it's not strenuous or difficult in any way. It's easier than doing a load of laundry. In fact, it's much easier than going to work all week and paying the bills of the person who won't do it. The only reason I can see for somebody not doing it, is if they have you, know you won't go anywhere so they no longer have to try. It's the old bait and switch. Most men tend to receive their acceptance, validation and overall happiness through sexual expression. If you're being forced to repress that huge part of who you are, id argue that they don't care about you, or at least fail to show it. Im not saying they should have to do it every time you have sex but most definitely more than a few times a year! So what? You get balloon play 10 times every 5 years meanwhile you pay the bills and do everything she wants sexually every week? That isn't love, or fair. Im not trying to be harsh or offend anybody. I'm passionate about this because I've also been through it but no longer am. Do everything you can to compromise but never kill a part of yourself for anybody. Especially if they just take you for granted. Do what you can but also don't be afraid to move on either. Not everyone is compatible and that's ok too. Sometimes we have to go through the wrong ones to get to the right ones. If you find yourself resentful or unhappy long term, remember you can do better. Ive always found it a cool thought experiment to know that all these models we see popping balloons on cam would also likely be willing to do the same for their partners, as love or even lust is a far stronger motivator than money. Those girls are out there. So there's never a reason to settle. Sure, it's sad and painful to end a relationship, but it's even sadder to lead a repressed resentful life for somebody who doesn't even appreciate it, knowing you don't have to.

Re: Sexually incompatible

I am a bi guy. I live with my long term gf of almost 12 years. She HATES balloons. Actual, full on phobia, so I have never told her about my fetish. But we are very open about sex in general, and she has always said that because I'm bi, she knows theres an aspect of my sexuality that she cant give, and that if I ever needed that, she understands, and as long as I tell her what I'm doing shes okay.

I never did do anything outside our relationship for the first 7 years, but then met a guy and one thing lead to another. I thought it was a one off, but kept thinking about him and messaging etc. I told my gf and

Well I have been in a poly relationship now for almost 5 years. I love both my gf and my boyfriend so much. My bf isnt a looner but really enjoys balloons generally and is happy to include them in our sex life sometimes. Before him I would loon alone when I got the chance.

If the balloons are a part of your sex life then maybe be honest with your wife. If you are happy keeping them just for solo play, then dont rock the boat. It's not an easy thing I know. My bisexuality wasnt an issue, until it was. Are the balloons an issue you need to do something about?

Re: Sexually incompatible

Balloons are fun because you don't use them every time. If she did, it would stop being special and just be vanilla.

If she's happy but sees you doing solo play with balloons, no wonder it makes her insecure. I'd be happy with a girl that's happy, and hope that when she gets bored it means she gets more adventurous.

Re: Sexually incompatible

Well this is one thing thats on the back of my mind every single time i think about getting into a relationship. I cant really leave my fetish for balloons by any means necessary, what if it does not work out with my choice of woman eventually? I mean she might accept it at first but at the later stages of life together this might change completely especially if kids comes into our lives. I know im overthinking it but.........

Re: Sexually incompatible

The trick is to work it out. My wife knows how much they affect me and loves having an instant turn on she can turn to when she wants to “pop”. Having kids definitely complicates matters. I have become an involuntary nonpopper and our days of full balloon rooms all the time are gone. Still she teases me about popping and still threatens to pop the balloons we are playing with. On occasion we can do a full room and she encourages me to play solo when she takes the kids to her folks (with working hours I have to stay behind). In fact she leaves tomorrow and she handed me a 36” red balloon from my stash while we were alone and whispered “have fun... don’t pop before the balloon does, unless you think of me... then go ahead and pop for me Balloon Boy!” Now we have this only because of communication and me not obsessing 24/7. I have to make some sacrifices, but not the whole deal and my wife still knows what gets me to pop for her on a whim. At the same time I know what she likes and strive to meet those needs. I actually keep going until she pulls me out and declares “naughty balloon, you need to be punished!”. Then it’s my turn and the balloons come out. But I enjoy every moment even before the balloons, why? Because I love her and I love seeing her satisfied. That in turn drives her to satisfy me. Mutual respect and love. Only way it works and what you need to seek if you’re going to commit.

Re: Sexually incompatible

This may be the most heartfelt conversation, among a number of people, that I have ever seen in more than seventeen years of cruising the internet. Guys, you have bared your hearts for all to see. You had to summon some courage to be this open-book in front of a bunch of, for all intents and purposes, total strangers. Lucid may say that Balloon with a Pin's post is THE "Gold Ribbon post of 2021" but I'll go just as far, in a somewhat different direction, and say this will almost certainly be the Thread of the Twenties, and the decade is pretty new.


First, a big hug to ALL of you, to keep, or to pay forward, in any way that you choose. My hugs are designed to undergo mitosis in some individuals, so just know that you may be able to pass on AND retain at the same time. YMMV.


I appreciate this thread so much, even though is is virtually ENTIRELY disconnected with any of my life experiences, as I have never even tried intently, at all, to bring any balloon play into nudetime with my most casual or my most-ongoing sexual partners, or those between.


Balloon play is intended only to be the most sensual and erotic SOLO experience, and to me it would be an utter and tragic waste of time to bring balloons into sexplay with somebody else. (I'm a "Kinsey 6" so that means guys EXCLUSIVELY, but see the below.) Solo masturbation and sex-with-somebody, to me, are two UTTERLY UNRELATED things, with the ONLY things in common being the wonders of closest proximity, and that some liquid comes out.


Guys, this might not apply to any of you, but I've actually come to embrace just the sheer seNSuality of two nude human beings in close contact, so incredibly intensely, that actual "official" sex becomes difficult or perhaps impossible. Not everybody is wired this way, and it has nothing to do with my actual sexual orientation...just those tactile, spiritual, bonding, comforting, mellow, sensually-elegant feelings of cuddling, holding/hugging, caressing, kissing, and closeness are SO very intense for me that I'm not even likely to "get hard." It's as though anything that's actually sexual, is so trivial compared to these much more magnificent sensations. I've been naked with a number of guys, most recently resuming in October, as much as four hours at a time, virtually never being aroused, even with a couple escorts. None of them had ever been cuddled and just appreciated like that. VANILLA "SEX" (WHICH MAY ACTUALLY FIT JUST BORDERLINE INTO THE SEXUAL REALM) CAN BE INCREDIBLY EXQUISITE. I've been having a much better time with this, than any time I can remember (with exceptions I can count on one hand) even in my sluttiest years, starting in the middle 2010s.


I don't think many people have actually lived on this particular plateau (and I love it here), but really, don't underestimate the beauty of simply having your woman next to you, in full skin contact. Those simplest wonders are actually the best. The sensual stuff rules! If she is able to kum, while seeing you in the throes of exquisite tactile and emotional rides and maybe some of that journey being absorbed by her, that's the best of all worlds! Sex or not, you're still having the ultimate shared moment with her.


Though the real-world situation is not likely to happen, I can VERY easily imagine being entirely enraptured and taken away by such a naked experience with a woman, every bit as exquisitely and marvelously, though it is absolutely contrary to my sexuality.


That match may be unlikely, but once I unyoked sex from being the be-all and end-all, I found intimacy to be leaps-and-bounds more wonderful than full-on sex EVER was.

Re: Sexually incompatible

What about thinking if the shoe was on the other foot. If your wife/girlfriend/partner had a fetish that was quite strange and something you had never heard of or thought that it would turn people on. Let's say for example, adult babies or getting turned on my gunge. Would you want to participate in that all the time? Sure, the please the other person you might do from time to time but would you want to do that all the time?

Re: Sexually incompatible

Thank you for all the good input. We had a good chat, it confirmed a lot that she feels that she does not have the same effect on me as the loons does. Which is kind of true, it is a fetish and something that has a profound impact on me. I love her and she does turn me on as I tried to explain her, but it is different, and not in a bad way. There are many issues relating to this and we are working on it. It’s clear that communication is the way to go, but it is not easy. I think it is really hard to understand how a non fetishist sees a fetish when you have one yourself. I am totally cool with ballons and no balloons. I think it is easier when both parts are taking initiative to sex and wants to turn the other one on and not that only one person would constantly be the one driving the sexual relationship. We’re working on it and hopefully it will turn out better for both of us.

Re: Sexually incompatible

Consider there are things that turn on guys and things that turn on girls and that those don't necessarily align.
The same way you [probably] won't pick up a steamy novel to jack off to your gf is [probably] not into hardcore porn on pornhub.
Balloons are a 99% male fetish because they are too soft and too wide to stimulate the clit in a reasonable way.
There are of course exceptions to the rule but the amount of actual amateur looner content by guys vastly exceeds the amount of the female counterpart which gives us a good idea about the composition of the looner community.

Back to your question: I'd try to give her what she needs - whatever that is. I'd also talk about the issue. Communication is king.
I'd try to figure out what it is she needs. If she needs more attention, I'd give her more attention, if she needs more space I'd give her more space.
If she likes romantic cheesy things surprise her with a romantic night filled with things you don't necessarily enjoy. Show her that you care. About her and both of you.
Show her that you're invested and interested in her.
And now comes a crucial part: Don't think of whatever you're doing as a bargaining chip which you can trade in for looner sex.
Once you are sure you are a good partner go back to the second point I mentioned. Talk to her. Ask her what she would like to do or what she expects from life.
This is where you listen closely if you are actually compatible. It might be entirely possibly you are not, but it's very important to figure that out.
Then talk to her that you've been missing the looner sex and if there's anything to make her feel more comfortable about it.
Tell her that this fetish won't go away and the it's not meant to replace her, but that you'd want her to participate in it.

In the end you will have to find a way to make your [sex] life work for both of you. If it's a deal breaker for you that she doesn't participate then tell her that it's important to you.
Make sure you and her are on the same page about the things you want from life and how important they are for you.