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Old 15-08-2018, 12:59 PM
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wildheart wildheart is online now
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Default Finally finished another
Think this is my longest story I've done. It features an unusual location as well. Enjoy.

https://loonerstories.weebly.com/the-hike-19.html
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Old 15-08-2018, 09:11 PM
ChillinHaze ChillinHaze is offline
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Default Re: Finally finished another
Not bad but I have to say having Jenny along really felt like she was the fifth wheel on the cart. The parts with her felt kinda unneeded and she was treated really unfair throughout the whole story.

Don't want to criticize too much but I think you should have left her out of it.

Similar thing with Dan. Having the girls get together seemed like you actually wanted to retire him but were not brave enough to actually do it.

Also, you seem to be cutting the actual balloon play pretty short since a few stories. I just noticed that in your earlier ones the balloon scenes were played out a lot more and seemed more sensual. Now it's more like scratching one from the list and quickly moving on to the next.

Sorry for all the criticism but I don't mean it as an offence just giving my honest opinion.
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Old 16-08-2018, 12:00 AM
loonerfun00 loonerfun00 is offline
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Default Re: Finally finished another
your stories are amazing wildheart. NEVER stop. jenny is a nice new touch since she is afraid of the pops but you should stretch out the scenes more if you can. just add more details, even the smallest ones matter and keep it as sensual as you can and as ChillinHaze said, you were quickly moving on from one thing to another (for example when sophie came up with the blindfolding idea and said "jenny starts" noone actually came up next). but i like jenny keep her in because of her fear. consider my words encouragement for you to write more. your stories are jaw dropping (and boxer dropping too). try to include dan in some sexual play with the duo, tho i think maybe it isn't your style cause you had the chance way back and never did it. anyway i love it keep it up ( my biggest turn on is the lips and the mouthpeice, and you always nail it when it comes to girls sharing the same wet mouthpiece)
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Old 16-08-2018, 06:21 PM
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wildheart wildheart is online now
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Default Re: Finally finished another
Thanks for the comments, I'll try to take them onboard for the next one. I'm kinda playing around with different styles. Maybe this one was a bit long. I probably tried to include too much in one story so rushed bits. I should probably go back to having a few more detailed scenes rather then lots of different ideas all mashed into one.
Perhaps I should've left out Jenny on this one now I come to think of it. Still not sure what I want to do with Dan. I like the relationship between Holly and Sophie but haven't quite worked out how Dan will fit in. It might be best to keep Jenny for separate stories. Let me know what you think.
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Old 08-09-2018, 05:10 AM
Joe Sixpanel Joe Sixpanel is offline
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Default Re: Finally finished another
I enjoy all your stories. Keep it up! I really want to read about every detail of the inflatables, and the feelings of the girls bowing up the balloons (and especially beach balls!) as well as the girls watching the inflatables grow tight.

I like Jenny in the stories, but would play up her fear a bit more. She's a little too brave with the blow-to-pops for someone who truly has a phobia. Just my two cents.
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Old 17-09-2018, 10:06 PM
tasgor tasgor is offline
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Default Re: Finally finished another
Great story! Keep writing!
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